Conquering A Narcissist

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone constantly accusing you of doing things you weren’t? Or what about someone who was actually guilty of their own accusations? Or someone who seemed to have no problem telling whatever lie they needed to in order to get their way?

If you’ve experienced that, perhaps you are familiar with being lied about by your friends, family, and others. Have you been with someone who will defend a lie every way they can and refuse to admit the truth?

If you have had similar occurrences, then it is probably safe to say you were dating a narcissist. I can only say that I hope you have managed to escape the dangerous narcissist. If you have not managed to escape, I hope you are planning your getaway as quickly as possible.

After 2-years of trying to make a partnership work with an individual that could, at any moment, become your worst enemy, I had a realization.

I finally woke up and understood this simple fact:

Whether this person cared about me or not, they suffered a mental issue that caused them to be incapable of being a functioning member of a healthy relationship.

A mental issue that caused them to lash out verbally, physically, or psychologically to be a force of destruction to you and your life.

I was convinced he was pure evil by the end of it all. He could be as unrestrained and crazy or as relatively sane as his environment permitted. I can’t even recall all the unspeakable acts that were committed against me by this person. The incidents began to pile up after two years.

It is a surreal experience having your belongings destroyed during disagreements every single time. You’d also be surprised by the various types of torture you can become accustomed to.

The best way to describe the way I felt about this person by the time I left has to be similar to the way a hostage feels once they break free from their captor.

Even after I left for good, I still received random attempts to contact him. He has tried multiple different tactics trying to get me to come back to him, and every failed attempt resulted in vicious verbal abuse, lies, and threats.

It’s not all bad, though. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I can attest to that. I am much stronger having survived my narcissistic experiences because I have focused on the positive things I can take from my pain. For example, I have learned to place less value on material things. It’s much easier to let possessions go after watching all the things you like to be burnt to a crisp on more than one occasion. At the time, it was a hard lesson to learn, but after the fact, I am glad to be more detached from my physical possessions. I feel I have a much greater appreciation for the people in my life that I can count on and receive uncensored truths from. Also, I believe I have a deeper understanding of the lengths that one might go to in an effort to keep another person a prisoner of sorts or to make someone else appear to be something they are not.

It was from seeing all the different sides this narcissist had to them that opened my eyes. I know that things are not always what they seem, and I can read behavior a little better than I used to be able to. Also, I know that I could endure some pretty despicable treatment from the person who is supposed to be on my side without sacrificing myself. I managed not to act out of my character too many times. I maintained treating others the way I wanted to be treated, even as I was not receiving the same courtesy.

When it’s all said and done, that’s all we can do. Hold on to the positive aspects and beneficial developments that result from our relational experiences. If we can hold on to our values and personal beliefs without allowing our day-to-day situations to compromise our behavior, then we truly win with the hands we are dealt.