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Camouflage

Grief & Her Many Forms

By Hayley MattoPublished 25 days ago Updated 25 days ago 3 min read
Top Story - February 2024
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Camouflage
Photo by Hans Veth on Unsplash

Grief never stops. She simply camouflages herself in different forms, daring you to challenge facing it, day after day. Sometimes sexy and alluring, we all enjoy a moment of self soothing, allowing what feels like release to wash over us-out of us, through tears, wails, cries, steps, stomps, dulled screams into feather fluffed pillows. Shameless, near infantile, reverting back primitively or perhaps to a state of childlike sorrow. Unable to express verbally the issue at hand, and coos and cuddles only go so far for so long. Lets face it, what are we as adults besides big kids playing pretend with our words, and having no one to patiently coddle us when we unexplainably sob.

Perhaps it's been trained into us to hold back a tantrum. To act 'grown up' when life hurts you again and again. Or perhaps it was our parents, the big kids in our lives conditioning us for the biggest bitch we were all doomed to meet, Grief.

An enigma, Grief is. She's eluded psychologists for decades on just how many corners of the mind she can occupy. Using your psyche like Jareth's Labyrinth, dreams used as the currency to communicate-convey her messages. Cloaking herself in all the darkest regions of your subconscious, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal herself in all her bodacious glory. Etching out different sides of herself, like a hall of fun house mirrors, choosing dream after dream to lead you to dead end after dead end.

Sometimes she's blunt and blatant, traceable, her entrance into your life stemming from a death in the family or someone you considered just as close. A miscarriage, a childhood best friend falling out of touch, the loss of a pet, perhaps a layoff with a company you saw yourself growing old with... Understandably defeating, mind numbing, perhaps chemically brain altering- these events that Grief uses as the velvety red carpet entrance into your life. Whispering delicate sweet nothings into your minds eye, egging you on the hunt for closure to things that don't give closure... somethings just are in life. There isn't always a rhyme or reason- because Grief, doesn't believe in the laws of Nature. She's disrespectful, harsh, gruff in the way that if she was a person she would wear a graphic tee that reads "No Sh*ts Given". Tough luck, lessons learned through pain. Brutal, honest, raw, pain. The kind of pain that has some people renouncing themselves from faith, dubbing themselves atheist's because no god, no matter how ethereal, righteous and mighty would subject a puny human to such atrocities and try and sell you on it being a lesson.

Bold and commanding like a Bird of Prey, willing to eat it's own if that was the easiest catch around. But not Nobel enough to be something that hunts in the daylight like an eagle or hawk. No, she's cunning and cruel. Waiting for night fall to prey on your demise, cascading down from the trees appearing so similarly to them, that you wonder for just a moment if the tree itself has sprung to life, wide eyed and singing serenades, of "Who? Who are you? And do you have any secrets you want to share before they consume you? Or would you rather I do the dirty work for you...? Hmmm?" Spinning her head around and around, dizzying your judgement, your sense of self. She's alluring and momentous, consuming in her ability to validate your darkest thoughts, spin you off a course by overwhelming the rest of your senses. Picking you clean until all that's left to regurgitate is bone. The non-digestible bits the structure that once held you together. Reduced to a scattered pellet of pieces. Fractions of who you were before encountering this mistress.

Spotlight, attention whore, hounding for the kill. Insatiable, hunter going after Humanity, picking on our identities and emotions. Fueling the negativity and the hurt, never yielding only camouflaging, waiting until the darkness creeps in to strike.

*Submitted to this super fun Unofficial Challenge*

https://vocal.media/writers/prompted-1

traumahumanitydepressionanxiety
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About the Creator

Hayley Matto

Just a 26yr old processing the 🌎 one sh*tty poem at a time. Need human connection or just killing time?

Read some thoughts by She.

-P.S. that’s me.

Insta handle is @thoughts.by.she <3 Thanks for tuning in! Much Love.

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Comments (18)

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  • Anna 12 days ago

    Congrats on Top Story!🥳

  • Naveed 18 days ago

    Thumbs up for your effort! Keep the outstanding work—congrats!

  • ROCK 20 days ago

    You have a wise soul; twenty-six years old and you have a good grip on one of life's biggest challenges and delivered an impeccable piece. Excellent!

  • There's a lot going on there. Some intense and deep thoughts. I could feel the grief but in a way, it was cleansing. Great work, Hayley!

  • Rahab Kimondo21 days ago

    Congrats, fantastic work

  • Caroline Craven21 days ago

    So powerful. I loved this.

  • Andrea Corwin 21 days ago

    Congrats! This was very descriptive of grief, so good, examples perfect. It pops up out of nowhere, from a fragrance, or a view or a memory. I believe if people grieve fully RIGHT THEN, letting it all out with nothing held back, they are allowed to move on more quickly.

  • Dana Crandell21 days ago

    Grief, perfectly descrbed. Congratulations!

  • Sahib ali21 days ago

    Congratulations for your top story😍

  • What a wonderful, necessary piece. Thank you for taking on such a task and sharing these insights. Executed very well, you were able to keep it concise and convicting.

  • You might have broken my heart and my brain with this one. I know that I’ve been having a hard time processing my grief since losing a particular pet several years back, and this piece captured those feelings perfectly. Incredible job.

  • Daphsam21 days ago

    Congratulations your top story!

  • JBaz21 days ago

    Hey I like owls....Although you spoke the truth. This is tantalizing sprinkling of word play. Wonderful and Congratulations

  • Jill Harper-Judd21 days ago

    That's definitely a wow! Fantastic job!

  • Kenny Penn21 days ago

    Fantastic, Hayley. Loved the way your wording really brought out the theme. Masterfully done

  • Such a beautifully writen piece, you personified grief so perfectly. Just stunning 🤍

  • J. Delaney-Howe24 days ago

    Wow. The use of words, the way you use them. And I could relate because of the grief.

  • Novel Allen25 days ago

    Oh Momma. Did you take the bull by the horn and ride that challenge. You sure showed those words who is boss. The humanity, temptations and struggles all came along for the fight. I am so glad you got this one out there, it was just waiting indeed for the right moment.

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