A Mother's Story of Addiction

There are so many stories by addicts, by wives or girlfriends/boyfriends of addicts, by children of addicts, but few from a mother's perspective after her child has died from an overdose. Oh, you can find those stories, but they are on social media pages that are FILLED with grieving mothers. We, in effect, on these pages "preach to the choir."

My son left this earth November 5, 2019. I was at work, and received the call....I don't have much recollection of what transpired after I heard the words "Joey is dead." I remember hearing someone scream and realized those screams were coming from me. Everything that day, after that point is hard to remember. I recall the friends and family who were there in the days following, but that day, I can only remember hearing those words.

It's not as if I didn't expect to one day get that call, but the fates didn't offer me the knowledge that it would be my Joey. You see, my middle son has suffered with heroin addiction for the past 15 years, his older brother (Joey) didn't use (or, we never knew if he did) and the prayers I prayed, and the tears I cried over the years were for my middle son...I was hit out of the blue, with what I can only describe as a gut punch....over and over. Please don't mistake that my heart would be any less broken had it been my other son....I would be just as devastated and heartbroken! The added layer of pain comes from having NO IDEA!!! The guilt and shame of being his mother, and not knowing follows me every hour of every day.

Addiction is most assuredly a family disease, and whether you choose to believe it's a "choice" or choose to believe it is a disease, is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what you, or I think...it really doesn't. We are losing our children at a rapid rate, and no one seems to be able to stop it! The debate of choice vs. disease is being waged while our children die... and we just continue debating. It takes ONE time, just once and your child is gone...forever. So, how do we change that? How do we stop this hate filled demon from attacking our children, and leaving families like mine broken and desperate?

My Joey had a smile that could literally light up a room! The day of his funeral, there were over 300 people in attendance! He was a talented musician, and loved performing, but he was also responsible and knew, performing wasn't going to pay the bills - He earned his CDL and became a long distance truck driver; and he loved it! He would send me text messages daily with photos of wherever he happened to be that day! I would receive late night calls where he and I would talk and laugh and catch up ... He was to be home for Christmas; last year, he had to work...he promised he would be home! He was home, but home in an urn on my mantle is not the way I expected to spend time with my son.

The days since my Joey left me have been filled with tears and screams of frustration, knowing no matter how hard I cry or pray or scream, he isn't coming back. How do you live with that? It's hard to continue on when your heart is splintered into a billion pieces, but I try...every day, I try.

How do we fight something that is so insidious and secretive? How do we protect our children from this Demon???? I have a little guy coming up, and my greatest fear is that I am unable to protect him.... What can we do as parents to save our children? No more are hard drugs reserved for the big cities, they are right here in our quiet, suburban neighborhoods. They are here, and they will kill again and again...