7 things I learned from my struggle with depression

Now I am not a professional psychologist. However, I am someone who has been struggling with Major Depressive Disorder for a number of years now. And I live in a country where mental issues are prolific. Despite that, there is a paucity of mental health professionals. I live in a society where the prospect of therapy is aversive, almost repugnant. Consequently, I had to figure out a lot of things on my own to ensure my survival and maintain my sanity. My aim in this article is to share my experience with those going through the same problem I went through but are scared to seek help or are deprived of the resources that can help them in their condition. My aim through this article is to offer whatever help I can and to tell others going through depression that they are not alone. All hope is not gone. So, here are the lessons I taught myself to cope with depression.

1. Understand that it’s not your fault that you are going through this.

Now this seems quite obvious and you would probably say that “Why would I blame myself for something that is not my fault? I have a medical condition for God’s sake! And it has made my life a living hell!”.

However, there are many societies in which the notion of depression is just a fancy way of saying you’re sad. And people will casually tell you to “Be a man and get over it.” Or worse, they will tell you that you are weak and your depression is a result of your own poor life choices. What’s worse is that the self-hatred inside you will make you believe them. At times like these, I want you to tell yourself that nobody goes through the agony you’re going through willingly. You are just going through a difficult time in life. This is an illness just like flu or a fever, only a billion times worse. And like any other illness, it can be cured if you work on it. You are strong enough to get through this. Just believe in yourself.

2. Start working from the bare minimum.

For someone suffering from depression, anhedonia and chronic exhaustion make even the simplest of tasks seem like running a marathon. For most people, even getting out of bed is extremely difficult.

But, if you muster up energy to do even the tiniest bit to improve your situation, it is a victory. Think of the littlest task you have the energy to do, and then keep doing it consistently. There will come a time when you will be able to do a great deal more from where you started. I started with something as simple as trying to smile as much as I could. It helped a lot. It gave me a sense of achievement and pride that I was trying my best to fight my demons and maybe, just maybe, I have a chance to win!

3. Having a routine helps a lot.

One of the major challenges I faced because of depression is a deeply embedded sense of hopelessness for the future coupled with crippling guilt for not doing enough to bring about some hope. I noticed that these emotions mostly overwhelmed me when I did not have a particular routine. Not knowing what to do throughout the day made surviving the day extra torturous. Contrary to this, whenever I planned a proper schedule for my day, it made things much easier. Not only was my attention diverted from the monsters in my head but also the act of diligently following the schedule released feel-good chemicals in my brain. In a nutshell, it made the struggle a bit easier.

4. Self-isolation is an abyss.

Human beings are social animals. They are not designed to survive in isolation. However, for people suffering from depression, reality becomes too complex and there comes a point when they just can’t deal with it. The quietness, peace and calm of being alone is extremely addicting.

But prolonged isolation is dangerous. You get stuck in a loop where you don’t want to leave your room because you’re addicted to isolation, but at the same time you don’t want to be alone as you cannot handle your thoughts. This is the stage when you are in immediate need of help. This is the stage where self-harm mostly occurs. I implore anyone going through this to seek help immediately. Do not isolate yourself. Force yourself to go out for a walk. Talk to a friend. Talk to a stranger if you don’t have a friend. Do anything to avoid being alone at this time. The consequences can be dire.

5. Surround yourself with positive people.

Having a good company can work wonders for anyone, but it can be potentially lifesaving for those who suffer from mental issues. Surround yourself with people who love you and care for you. People who listen to you. Never bottle-up your emotions, always find a healthy outlet to vent your emotions. Otherwise, the negativity of these emotions will spread like a gangrene throughout your system, and eventually kill you. You will be tempted to think that people can’t understand what you are going through and it is pointless to tell anyone anything. And it’s true that nobody can understand the suffering you are going through. But even then, people who love you will listen to you, they will try to understand you to the best of their abilities, and they will tell you they will always have your back. And that’s a good enough reason to share.

6. Love yourself: practice positive self-regard.

One of the most dangerous emotions you feel during depression is self-hatred. You want anyone to blame for all this pain and suffering, and eventually you will turn to your vulnerable self. I want you to stop yourself at this point. And think. You are already suffering from an agonizing condition, you feel lonely because no body understands your suffering, you try your best to function properly but still fail sometimes. Aren’t you going through enough already? Give yourself a break. Pat yourself on the back for getting out of bed. Congratulate yourself on cleaning up your room. Appreciate your efforts to keep a smile on your face. And celebrate every little victory you get in your fight against depression. Love yourself. Because if you don’t, who will?

7. Try helping others.

Those suffering from depression that after some time you gradually start becoming nihilistic. You think your life has no meaning. You think you are a burden to others and it would be better for everyone if you just stop existing. I felt the same way. But I vowed to myself that I would help as many people suffering from mental issues as I can. My intentions for doing so were to not let anyone else suffer as I did, as long as I am alive. There was no intention of gaining anything for myself. However, miraculously, I was the one who benefitted the most from this. The smiles of relief of the people I helped gave meaning to my life and made it worth living. Not only that, but in the most difficult days, the prospect of my existing being the source of relief for others, gave me enough strength to not end things and live another day. Try this. No good deed goes unrewarded.

The world is engulfed in a pandemic of mental issues. Depression and anxiety are prevalent in almost every household. I often ponder whether the is any solution to the problem. The only thing I can come up with is “be kind” and “spread love”. You never know what the other person is going through. Be the source of relief for him rather than exacerbating his suffering. Help others and help yourself. Life seems very dark and hopeless sometimes. But I believe we can support each other to get through it and make it brighter!