Waves
Song of Becoming
I used to think my identity was born
in pools of absence:
a clumsy collage of an individual
made up of photographs
cut out
from magazines and
advertisments with glossy pages;
advice columns and self-help books, or
vision boards and manifestations -
a rambunctious prayer for everything I am not.
Scrappy or just scraps?
My face feels like it is disintegrating,
a papier mache mask falling apart after years
of hiding empty holes
where my vulnerability should be.
I used to offer up the
soft bits of myself
so easily,
those pale gleams of underbelly,
beg for exposed flesh to be
lapped up by velvet tongues,
wait for the serenade of approval
before the slap of reprimand.
I learned that anything I fell in love with
would eventually be ripped away,
that if I didn't dance the monkey's dance
or sing its song,
if I instead smashed my symbols and
ran
I would lose the privilege
of ever hearing the music.
I'm still learning to recognize my voice,
to find lullabies in the silence -
their notes cascade over me in ethereal,
unfamiliar sounds.
I am an engima to myself
and yet people keep telling me
I am open sheet music.
I wish I knew what songs
they were reading.
I'm still learning
to find the notes,
rhythmic dirge-singing,
art of the slow release:
how to tame a flood.
I linger in the current
let silver water splash over my legs,
bare, cold, shaking.
Pools of absence rush around me,
a lake
a labyrinth.
About the Creator
sleepy drafts
a sleepy writer named em :)
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Comments (21)
Be patient. Better to allow the tune to come find you than to force yourself to bathe in what is not already there & lose the tune forever.
"wait for the serenade of approval before the slap of reprimand" these lines blew me away! Awesome piece Em :) I was reading sheet music for "Old MacDonald Had A Farm" last night, trying to teach myself piano again, and your line stating you used to be like open sheet music struck a sad childhood chord and a funny memory!
How did I miss this? It is incredibly descriptive and captivating. Fabulous entry
I love the imagery in this: magazines and vision boards and a papier-mâché mask; music and a monkey with symbols; the circling back to the pool of absence. This was a well crafted collage of your deepest feelings, vividly revealing… yet relatable somehow.
Phenomenal! Go Em Go!
This is gorgeous! I love the tumbling rhythm you set, it feels like someone is saying it all in a breathless rush. Absolutely awesome!
The word choice was sublime and sent me
This is fantastic. The imagery is off the carts amazing. Great job.
Gorgeous piece!! Imagery in this is beyond words, expertly crafted, not too much just the right amount to impact with emotion and give image instantly in mind. Great job tackling the challenge!
I think this is my fave so far. Mesmerizing and heartfelt. People see the music in you long before you accept them. Lovely.
"I learned that anything I fell in love with would eventually be ripped away," Sadly, that is how the universe works. Such a sadist. And I'm a masochist. A life doomed from the beginning, lol. Loved your poem so much!
A gorgeous response to a challenging prompt!
💗 Incredibly beautiful poem, the rhythm was outstanding💗
This was so hood Em, you’re really showing off your talent here
This was brilliant I loved the choice of words.
I felt every word you wrote 💙
Beautifully written and a sweet insight into you! We all love and appreciate you!
WOW! Absolutely outstanding!
What a journey, what a constant worry-full yet beautiful journey. I resonated with so much yet can tell you that you will find you’ve filled those empty spaces with doodles of yourself. Jigsaw an identity you’ll find simple joys in. Even weeds filled in cracks in pavement and so will you grow into yourself. You’ll hear the echo of your own heartbeat in the silence and know that it’s okay.
This is really beautiful and so full of Emotion! This is one of my favorite pieces by you ❤️
This is incredible! A beautifully worded and vulnerable reflection- thank you so much for sharing!