The Storm Saves

You don’t keep score with those you love

You don’t remember instances you’ve saved in the back of your brain

And when you need the winning point in an argument, you throw it in their face.

You don’t keep tallies.

Who wins in the end?

I’ve been there for you, as you have for me.

The only difference is I don’t feel the need to remind you

While you’re already struggling to make sense of the words in your head.

But for some reason you did, you used it as a jab.

Don’t worry, you only got off two stabs.

I guess you didn’t realize me bleeding because of how I chose to react.

I didn’t ask to be rescued and you’re not the hero,

You’re the “victim” playing pretend with a cape,

Tell me, who were you really trying to save?

I was silent by choice. I was never not okay.

Now the city’s ruined, who will bask in the glory and more importantly, who will be burdened with the blame?

You’ll sacrifice me if it protects your name, God forbid you feel any bit of shame.

I guess I can take the torches and torn flesh a little more.

You created the circumstances that perfected a war.

Tell me, please. Who did you do it for?

Our course was as pleasant as the waves hitting the shore.

Crashing into each other, but pushing away after realizing it wouldn’t work.

I think that’s why I don’t fear an oncoming storm and why I cling to the idea of rain,

I’ve drowned so many times that it’s a numbing reassurance that I’m not the same,

It helps me, but yes,

I’m more than aware that it's supposed to be pain.

I’m not innocent in all my ways,

But I’ve tried to be honest in all.

I was hit low at some points and took a few treacherous falls.

But you weren’t ever concerned if I was okay or sane, you were just making sure I knew how many band-aids you “generously” gave.

Now I self-heal and ask God if I’ll be okay, he answers every time

By bringing on the rain.

In the midst of that, I tucked away my most darkest parts and they’re in every storm you’ll be forced to face that I'm sending your way.

But you'll never get the best of me,

I'll do anything to preserve my energy.