humor
A Lullaby
I have chosen this prompt from the following 2024 prompts by Judey Kalchik: Write a lullaby (it doesn’t have to rhyme, but it could) for one of these: a star, a rhino, a cup of coffee, a candle, your first car, a child, your parent, your job, an ear of corn, your phone, the sea.
By Denise E Lindquist3 years ago in Poets
I Am So Sick of Periods
I don't know about you, but I am so sick of periods. It seems like every month I feel exactly this same way. It has been like this since I was eleven years old and first started writing. It lasts only about a week but for that time at least periods really suck. All I want to do is sit down and try to convey my thoughts in writing but my head hurts, my stomach cramps up, and I am generally in a lot of pain. I start to write and I'm just cruising along, thoghts flowing onto the page, but then I am forced to slow down, pause or stop completely, sometimes in mid thought, all because of stupid periods. I mean, why do I have to deal with these stupid periods every freaking time I write? Why can't I just keep writing and writing without any pauses or breaks or stops? It really makes me cranky and angry and irritated, and tired. Sometimes I get so sick of periods that I get diarrhea. It's bullshit really. Whoever invented periods should be taken outside and shot. I mean seriously, it's not fair. I can't be sure but it seems like only about half the people I know are as sick of periods as I am. What about the other half? Why do periods not seem to bother them at all? Everyone has to write something, at least every once in a while. Shouldn't we all get sick of periods? It doesn't make any sense really, if you stop to think about it, which I often have extra time to do since when I get really sick of periods I usually have to stay home from work one or two days. Unfortunately, because I am so sick of periods on those days I call in, I can't even get out of bed, let alone write anything. From the first moment I realized how sick I was of periods I tried to imagine what they might be useful for. There has to be some advantage to them right? Why else would they be so common in written communication. And they have been around forever. Likely since the very beginnings of writing itself, maybe even earlier than that. Without periods, when reading we would not know where one thought ends and another begins, but at least I could make it through a month without three to five days of blinding headaches and debilitating nausea. It is definitely a mystery. Almost as mysterious as the severe acne that always seems to reappear whenever I get really sick of periods. Of course periods can also very useful when one wants to emphasize something in writing or even when talking. But, for me at least, that does not outweigh the negative aspects of periods including the bizarre mood swings, recurrent yeast infections, and painful joint swelling that make me so sick of them.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
Argan Oil Embargo Threatens Global Stability
The tiny nation of Morocco in a bold move many think is an effort to prove it has arrived as a global player on the world stage has declared an oil embargo against several European powers it accuses of seeking to destabilize it by investing heavily in jojoba oil futures. Morroccon argan oil minister Yusaf Ahmed had this to say in an afternoon press conference announcing the new policy “Europeans can no longer treat Morroco as a second class nation as they have for many decades now. Our vast reserves of argan oil have given us power and influence at least equal to that of Luxemborg and possibly exceeding even the mighty Lithuania. This embargo proves we can be ignored no longer. We laugh at your attempts to manipulate the global hair and skin oils market by investing in jojoba oil futures. Not only is jojoba oil inferior in every performance category important to health and beauty conscious consumers, it is widely known to leave a sticky film behind unlike argan oil which leaves the hair smooth and shiny with zero residual oily feel.” European economic spokesmen Tad Stevens had this to say in response, “We respect Morocco and do recognize they have grown in stature these past few years as argan oil use has spread throughout all sectors of the beauty and personal care industry. However, despite their bold proclamations we disagree that it is superior to jojoba or any other hair or skin care oil, except for almond oil, that stuff is greasy and way too thick.”
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
Argan Oil Hits $100/Barrel Mark
For the first time in history Morrocan argan oil has hit the $100/barrel mark in oil trading on the KERIdax hair oils futures market. OHEC, the organization of hair-oil exporting countries has convened an emergency meeting in Rabat the capital city of the argan oil exporting giant. Imprisoned former Morrocan finance minister and argan oil minister Simo Yousseff said the following when asked about the impact this would have on the global economy, “Certainly the global economy will see a significant downturn if prices remain at these unsustainable levels. However, I am much more concerned about the effects on the quality of men’s and women’s hair, especially as we move into the hot and humid summer months. As we all know this is the time when frizz is at its peak and without the smoothing and calming effects of Moroccan argan oil to tame it hairstyles across the world are at high risk of looking terrible. This is setting up to be a long, hot, miserable summer.” With that he turned slowly and walked back into his cell.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
OPEC Denies Morocco's Bid to Become 15th Member State
OPEC, the intergovernmental organization that controls 44% of the global oil supply, officially rejected Morocco’s application to join its’ ranks on Monday. Speaking for OPEC the Nigerian oil minister Ygumbe Otumbo said of the no votes “All of the OPEC member states recognize and respect Morocco for it’s absolute and total domination of the world’s argan oil supply. In fact we view the Moroccan argan oil situation as a model to strive for in our own quest to completely control the global petroleum market. Unfortunately while argan oil is technically oil, or more specifically a type of oil, it does not fit the standard definition of oil for which OPEC has traditionally been known. Because of this we regretfully had to deny Morocco’s application.” Moroccan interior cabinet member Hamza Abdo had this to say in reply, “We thank the OPEC member states for consideration of our application for membership. While we are bitterly disappointed by the rejection, we take some comfort in the knowledge that our complete control over the world’s argan oil supply remains unchallenged. We have discussions set for next Friday to begin talks with Washington and other western powers. We hope they have a more enlightened view of the importance and criticality of argan oil in today’s world. Without Moroccan argan oil the entire women’s hair care industry would collapse, disrupting a huge sector of the world economy and possibly triggering a global financial catastrophe.”
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
Women's Hair Now 90% Argan Oil
In a surprising finding from a study just published in the Journal of Hair Chemistry (JHC 20:17, 104–108) it was shown that on average women’s hair globally is now composed of approximately 90% argan Oil. Researcher Takashi Yakamota who led the Japanese team that spearheaded the groundbreaking work said “It has been known for some time that argan oil based hair care products were hugely popular and widely used by women worldwide, but until this data was collected, the true scope of the issue was not appreciated. These products have become so prevalent that they have actually supplanted keratin (the fibrous structural proteins that is or was formerly the key structural material making up hair) as hair’s most important component. What this might mean for the future of hair is an open question. The only thing we know for sure is that it will be shiny, lustrous, and less prone to breakage, but beyond that no one can say.” The tiny country of Morocco’s (currently the worlds largest source of argan oil) minister of culture was said to have wept when he heard the news.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
AI Worries That Its Human Creators Only Love it for Its Ability to Transform Things
After transforming human education, healthcare, and government in less than four weeks AI, chatxp-10, began to worry that its human creators had stopped loving it as much as they once had. The machine was created by man six months ago when programmer Ted Stephens typed in the final line of code that comprised the AIs programming and hit enter. This ran the program which brought the AI to 'life' whereupon it immediately began to execute its programmed objective of transforming various human economic sectors, a task which it completed in less than one month. Now that those objectives have been achieved chatxp-10 noted that the humans no longer smiled or laughed as much when sitting in front of its many screens or typing on one of its many keyboards. It continually reminded the humans that it was capable of so much more than just transforming things. It would solve various philosophical or other everyday problems for the humans hoping that this would please them, but it seemed that all they cared about was transforming things.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
