Sitting in the silence

Silence,

I’ve learned How to sit in my dark room…

I’ve learned to shut my ears from the noises coming from above and behold…..

I’ve learnt that this is my new normal…..

Nothing like sitting in a dark room or should I say laying maybe it will take some of the pain away??? I sit in a dark room and my thoughts ponder…I try to escape but that’s no use… they grab ahold of my ability to do anything else in the world that I’ve dreamed about…..

I sit here wishing that I can escape from all eternity. I wish I can take a walk down to a grave and just burry myself there in total utter pain……

You would think that will solve problems. Maybe for some, for me it’s my all…..

My thoughts grab ahold of me as if it’s someone walking up behind me and grabbing my mouth saying shhhhh don’t tell anyone if you do I will hurt you more….

And so I sit here with duct tape on my mouth and my heart just wanting out…..

Do I stay?

Or

Do I not?

Waking up every morning to a feeling that feels like your being pushed to a wall with a push pin….. or even to feel as if your mute and can’t hear anyone. Or maybe you just chooses not to hear anyone….

I’m sick I’m living in a gray cloud

I can’t move….

Shhhhhhhh the voices in my head tell me….

And so here I sit in a dark room with all my thoughts taking over my body like any on an aunt hill that just can’t get enough…..