Onions are Bullies and Mushroom are Covert Assassins
Blame Paul and Donna for this, okay?
Why would I eat a veggie, that at first meet makes me cry?
An herbaceous bulb whose rancid odor smells like something died.
Why do you hurt me, nasty creature? Tears run down my face.
Are you just here to make me weak and put me in my place?
Your texture a strange combo of crunchy cuddling slime,
Who parented you, horrendous beast? I shall sue them for their crime.
I can’t walk in the kitchen. The pungent acid burns my eyes.
Just go away, you stinky beast, so I don’t have to hide.
*
I see you’ve brought your buddy, the infamous mushroom.
I feel his cringy eyes upon me from far across the room.
“Come over for a visit. Your heart, I’m sure I’ll win,”
Says the shit-grown vermin calling me with his evil little grin.
“Maybe I will get you high, perhaps I just might kill ya,
But what the heck! Just slice me up and toss me on your pizza.
If you survive your gruesome meal and still, you walk among us.
Don’t be so smug in your victory dance, for you just ate a fungus.”
*
I grab a slice of onion, and pop it in my mouth.
Followed by the fungus shroom, that sneaky little lout.
Oh no, what have I eaten? This can’t be right. I scream.
And suddenly am jolted from that nightmare of a dream.
As hubby lays beside me, his breath a deathly green,
I know that he’s the cause of my quite horrifying dream.
I shout his name and shake him, till he jumps to his feet.
“Get up, it’s time to go to work, and for Christ’s sake, brush your teeth!”
*****************
This little slice of madness stems from a prompt from Paul Steward and Donna Renee to write a piece about least favourite foods. I have included a link to the latest entry by Dana Crandell. His poem contains links to both Donna's and Paul's.
About the Creator
Cathy holmes
Canadian family girl with a recently discovered love for writing. Other loves include animals and sports.
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Stop
Stop! just stop. I love you, you fool. stop
By Cathy holmes10 months ago in Poets
Comments (28)
Onion also make you fart, lol . Another humorous poem, well done 😘☺️
Clever and funny
Cathy, you are hilarious! An excellent poem that I'll read many times.
Hahaha omg this line: Says the shit-grown vermin calling me with his evil little grin.
LOL! As an onion lover, I feel a little attacked 🤣 But I get it! I hate chopping them soooo much, they are little bitches! 🤣 And I do eat mushroom but yeah they are kind funky 😅 This was fun, my friend!
Haha!!! So good! Laughed all the way through! 😂
Hahahahaha, oh my god, Cathy! You never cease to make me laugh. You not only go the extra mile, you run three victory laps! Bravo, you hilarious woman! Even though I love both mushrooms and onion, I love a good roasting more, and this one is second to none.
😂 If I had to pick between the two to stay in my life it would definitely be onions even if they make me cry. Good one Cathy! Loved the dream twist.
Mushroom what is it anyway. Onion is a demon sent to cause us pain, but delicious when used right.
Woman, at this point, I think you hate every vegetable 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Brussel sprouts and now onions and mushrooms. Lol! Loved your poem!
Oh, the things we eat. Or don't. Good work, hilarious, and very strikingly worded.
This was great. My mum hates mushrooms too.
LOL This is brilliant! Well done, Cathy!
LMAO. You crack me up! I won’t tell you my opinion of mushrooms. I don’t want to be judged. 🤐
Lol. Loved the end.
funny made me chuckle
LOL what a very humorous poem! Four stars as always!
Fun & Phenomenal! 😁
Ha, 😂Lmao I said to myself “Why do I always Race to Read the Ratchet Humor, That You Write “📝 ❤️😉💯Thanks for keeping everyone laughing 🤣 Its always something interesting❗
Laughing Out Loud!!! Loving your humorous poem!!!♥️♥️💕
Eat dirt ! 😂
Wonderfully funny. Did he add garlic to the mix?
Oh, this is cracking me up! I love both of these ingredients but you’ve got a point! 🤣
The shit-grown vermin 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I loved the way this ended and the explanation for the dream hahaha!
omg! This is brilliant. I mean, I disagree entirely, as they are two of my favourite ingredients, but the way you let loose on onions and mushrooms was brilliant! One of my favourite writers blasting two of my favourite ingredients - today is a great day!