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Nineteen Years

Dark Thoughts while Poking the Berry

By Randy Wayne Jellison-KnockPublished 21 days ago β€’ 1 min read
Nineteen Years
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash

Nineteen years,

sleeping alone.

Before that brief repast,

eleven years more.

Ere that,

eight uncertain,

always left to guess.


Then to discover

a friend counts me never,

but a joke well played,

only late,

the butt discovered.


Belladonna waits outside,

volunteer in the garden,

fully ripe.

You want it removed,


But not before

those dark sweet berries

are mine

& I rest

at last supine

in every sense.


Alas, the taste of

but blackberry chocolate,


purple lips,

purple tongue,

upset tummy,

the smooth flow of blood

& creamy brown

all night long.


My just due

for ever thinking

I could leave you.

sad poetryheartbreakCONTENT WARNING

About the Creator

Randy Wayne Jellison-Knock

Retired Ordained Elder in The United Methodist Church having served for a total of 30 years in Missouri, South Dakota & Kansas.

Born in Watertown, SD on 9/26/1959. Married to Sandra Jellison-Knock on 1/24/1986. One son, Keenan, deceased.

Reader insights


Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (20)

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  • The Invisible Writer3 days ago

    Very dark and bitter sweet

  • Mackenzie Davis17 days ago

    Feels weird to click the heart for this one, but I do really like how you crafted this. It reverberates with a deep melancholy, a depression that has overtaken the mind and is creeping toward the soul. I cannot get the image of dark purple out of my head now. If anyone could keep the speaker from going through with it, it would be "you." Or at least, I hope it's as hopeful as I'm interpreting it. "Then to discover a friend counts me never, but a joke well played, only late, the butt discovered." -- These lines are particularly impactful. True story? (I'm wondering about a few possibilities.) I know you're not alright, not completely, and I see it here in this piece. Seems to be a more resigned feeling than in your grocery list poem, as if it's been in the works for months or years. Please be okay soon. I might have to go shopping for serotonin-rich foods for you. πŸ’œ

  • Kelly Sibley 19 days ago

    Ooooo, so dark! Loved it! As always very well done!

  • Darkly beautiful 🀍

  • Heather Hubler19 days ago

    I have no way to describe this, really. It was such a perfectly twisted blend of sadness, despair and decadence. Superbly written :)

  • Novel Allen20 days ago

    So dark the hearts of men. Belladonna, such a lovely word for an evil thing. Yet no one is worth another's life. Except the bible thing, 'greater love hath no man than this etc'.

  • Then to discover a friend counts me never, but a joke well played, only late, the butt discovered. These lines hit me so hard. They were just wayyyyy too relatable. Your poem was so heartbreaking. I hope you're okay and that you feel better after writing this. Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❀️

  • Manisha Dhalani20 days ago

    Randy, this is something else. Love the second stanza.

  • Naveed21 days ago

    Wow, Randy, The pain of betrayal, the longing for death, and the power of beauty.

  • Kendall Defoe 21 days ago

    A very sensual and deep poem. I like this one a lot.

  • eery and alluring, 'but a joke well played, only late, the butt discovered' - wonderful line

  • Wow Randy, this is dark for you but I love it.

  • Donna Renee21 days ago

    ooh this is really twisty (in a good way), Randy.

  • Mother Combs21 days ago

    Really good. See you worked the belladonna in there.

  • Cathy holmes21 days ago

    This is beautiful, but dark. Well done.

  • Canuck Scriber21 days ago


  • So delectably smooth all the way to the very end!!!

  • Babs Iverson21 days ago

    Evocative!!! πŸ’•β€οΈβ€οΈ

  • Tom Baker21 days ago

    Why would this be offensive?

  • This feels like a deep rich broth that has been in the making for years, truly a layered and delicate dish with enough to keep you full, yet wanting more

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