Feline Dignity (How to be a Cat)

Know that this is your house and domain. All others are there only to serve you.

Other cats are to be tolerated except annoying kittens… Those you may swat like a kangaroo.

Bear in mind, you are the proud representative of all felines ... Possible exception of that annoying cat in the other room ...

Maintain your dignity at all times. Be aware that you are the ruler of all you survey. You are not subject to being chased by a broom.

Should your human servant hit you with a broom ... Stare at them, hiss with fang showing.. then saunter casually away.

Never allow a dog or other lesser species animal to gain in your domain any sway.

Keep your claws needle sharp for tearing, rending, or just basic sratching.

Ensure if you scratch one of two... Scratch the other to ensure matching.

All dogs are stupid ... only slightly more so than humans, but definitely not on an intellectual par.

When a dog licks you, scratch it on the nose ... Unless you are fond of it which sometimes happens.. then just sniff haughtily at their lower bar.

When your human servant ignores your purr and head butt... paw it.

When your human servant passes by without petting you .. claw it.

When your human servant yells at you for clawing it... give it a haughty glare and lick your belly.

When your human servant tries to boot you from a warm bed .. leave them a treat most smelly.

At least twice a day jump in your human's lap and preen ... Ensure to leave lots of hair.

This will ensure your human cleans themself regularly... it's only fair.

Always use the litter box except when your human servant doesn’t keep it properly clean.

Should your human servant fail in their duty of cleaning said litter box, utilize their bed as a substitute latrine. [[Pillows are good]]

All mice are food ... Play with them, torture them ... kill them ... present them to your human servant as a gracious gift.

Please note the above applies to squirrels and other rodents as well as snakes... do not by discrimination cause a rift.

If your food bowl or water bowl is not promptly replenished dump it and jump on your human servant's lap.

After being properly tended/served/fed ... take a nap.

All boxes are your private property ... Jump inside them and inspect for defects.

Be aware box checks are in no way undignified … A proper box inspection on your fastidiousness reflects.

Should a ball of string be dangled in your face ...

All above need not apply ... Swat, play, be silly to make your human servant feel good in the species race.