Bittersweet Memories

It is with an aching heart and the flow of many tears

That I wish a goodnight and a final goodbye once more,

I’ve made beautiful memories to carry me through,

But it doesn’t soften the blow of what’s now in store.

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The fluttering of my heartbeat as it ponders the final hours,

The old memories mixing with the new, one long never ending thought,

The place that holds my tender heart in the palm of its hands,

Bittersweet memories, uncertainty of losing an old friend are fraught.

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It is within my lost dreams that I’ll say farewell to thee,

As the waves crash upon the beach that’ll roll on without me,

Goodbyes have never been my forte, they hold me hostage,

Not the closure I need and goodbyes don’t set me free.

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The opposite in fact as it steals a corner of my heart,

Where I’ll leave it behind in a mouse trail of when once I was here,

Losing a tiny part of me with every adieu mounted,

Until I’m a hollow core of has been and once was, I fear.

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Tears cascade my bleeding heart as I walk away again,

Wondering why I torment myself with every blasted goodbye,

A person, a place, a dream, a hope, a joy — all come to an end,

And I’m left facing the pain of losing, left with only the tears that I cry.

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Alone, forever and always alone, left with the disappearing memories

Of good times — yes there were a few, of old loves that haunt from afar,

Of residences that watched my dreams crumble, of loss and grief,

To places that hold tight to my essence, wrapped in every heartfelt scar.

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Goodbyes leave me with the bittersweet memories of times of old,

Of the uncertainty of ever returning to arise to another occasion,

The scent of lost dreams scattered far and wide, stolen,

Leaving me raw and bloody, my heart made up of such abrasion.

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Even alone the heartbreak is unbearable and crucifying,

As I face the time alone wishing for a different outcome,

Knowing the hold upon my heart to be bruising and crushing,

As my feelings and emotions explode, while I succumb.

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Goodbyes are horrid, crippling and one of the few guarantees in life,

So why do I struggle, fight and refuse to let go?

My heart blisters to the words of such finality,

Because the crushing pain of a goodbye always follows the most heartfelt hello.

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Originally published on Medium