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Why It's Difficult For Me To Share Good News

Gender? Asian humility? Upbringing?

By Katharine ChanPublished about a year ago 3 min read
Why It's Difficult For Me To Share Good News
Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash

When we accomplish a goal, reach a dream, or win a fortune…how do our past and conditions affect the way we share that type of information?

Recently, I've been pondering about how we decide to share the good news we have in our lives. From inflation, global warming, an ongoing war and of course, that pesky pandemic we're still trudging through…the world seems rather quite bleak right now. Good news can uplift others, inspire and even create more kindness in the world.

But for me, when something good happens, I'm reluctant to scream it out loud at the top of my lungs.

Is it a fear that something terrible is around the corner?

Is it because I have that "what goes up must come down" type of mentality?

No and no.

Perhaps it's due to my Chinese culture?

Growing up, humility was ingrained into my being. One of my biggest fears was having people think I'm a show-off. I had trouble talking about my straight-A's, scholarships, accolades and my ability to understand certain concepts easily.

I cared so much about what other people thought of me. I didn't want them to think that I thought I was better than them, that I was using my good news as a way to make them feel inferior or bad about themselves.

So I kept silent. I stayed quiet. When people praised me, I would nod and dismiss their kind words. In many ways, I probably didn't think I deserved success.

Perhaps it's due to my gender?

Society frowns upon women who talk themselves up. We're not supposed to show off and act as though we know our stuff even when we obviously do. It rubs men the wrong way because they're supposed to be the all-knowing sex.

Society perceives a confident woman as a difficult woman. Women need to deny their strengths and play up their weaknesses. They should refuse to accept compliments unapologetically and focus on their flaws, always working towards fixing themselves because we're never enough. Because those who act dumb and play nice are those who are recognized and celebrated.

But really, it has something to do with my upbringing

My dad loves talking about his children's accomplishments and that always left a bad taste in my mouth. In front of us, he would invalidate our efforts and give the response, "So what?".

He would compare himself and talk about what he accomplished and how it was harder for him because he had more barriers than us at our age. He would tell us that we should be reaching our goals and achieving what we were achieving because of the time and place we were in. He is overly critical and has high expectations of himself and others.

But among friends and family, he would brag, boast and talk about us with so much pride…it sickened me.

Why hide your pride in front of the people who need to hear it the most?

Anyway…I accomplished something major this past month and I'm debating whether I want to share it. Obviously, I haven't shared it with my dad.

It's a milestone that I know most people can only dream about. It took ten years and a lot of consistent effort, discipline and patience. It felt like a marathon and at the last mile, I wanted to savour every step. Taking the final leap toward the finish line was bold and oddly impulsive, even though I'd been working on it for so long. I feel free since completing this part of my life.

I don't know why I'm still questioning myself about this at this age but perhaps it's all part of the continuous lifelong learning process.

Thank you for reading my ramblings, thoughts and feelings. The more I'm writing about this, the more I want to share my good news with the world, with the hopes that it'll inspire others to talk about the good in their lives. More to come.

So Readers, how do you feel about sharing good news?

Struggle with the relationship with your culture and parents? Check out my book How To Deal With Asian Parents.

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About the Creator

Katharine Chan

Sum (心, ♡) on Sleeve | Author. Speaker. Wife. Mom of 2 | Embrace Culture. Love Yourself. Improve Relationships | Empowering you to talk about your feelings despite growing up in a culture that hid them |

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