When the passion goes away
Have you ever thought about your perfect day? Do you know what that looks like? What if you don't know what that means anymore?
I watched a video where the person was talking about their perfect day. It got me thinking about what my perfect day would be like. I'm not sure why, but I just can't seem to think about anything. Thinking about my perfect day I'm not sure what that looks like anymore for me. I feel like I have no job or direction anymore. Where did all my feelings of joy go? My biggest concern is that if I don't know what my perfect day is, then what is my goal to get to? I want my days to be filled with joy, and happiness, and purpose. For some reason, I'm just not sure where my real and pure joy is. The question is where did I lose that real direction? Was it after my trauma? Or has it just come from age? We get into a routine of life, going to work, getting by, going through the motions. When that happens, we lose things. Such as feeling real joy, real happiness, real purpose.
What I am reminded of is the book and movie, Eat Pray Love. Where she feels this exact thing, and so she goes on a journey to feel joy again. I wish that we could live in a place that is more focused on joy and purpose, then trying to survive life. Trying to reach goals, trying to work hard. There is this pressure to always be doing something, always be working, always be doing something. At least for me. I feel like having a day that I am not doing something for my goals is just not allowed. This is a trauma response that I know. So I am trying to teach myself that it is okay to take a day off from my goals, a day of self care. Taking a day off allows me to go harder to reach my goals. I return to my goals with a clearer head.
How do I find my joy again? I miss that feeling of joy and happiness. My fear is that I won't know it even if I found it again. Because it has been so long, I fear that I won't be able to recognize it when I do find it. So I will just let it pass me by.
I wish that I could go on a journey, a Eat Pray Love journey. I wish that were an option for me. Why can't it be? Money for one. I can't afford to do something like that with my daughter and all. So what do I do? Do I find a way to make money, save up to be able to do it? Or do I find a way to make that happen now? There is a way to do anything, to make anything happen.
If I were able to make an income online, then it would be easier for me to be able to do a journey like that. So I feel like that needs to be my focus. I have said this before. And it has never happened, I have never been able to make it happen before. Just because I haven't before doesn't mean that I can't. It is harder in Canada. I feel like it's easier in the States to make an online income. Easier but not impossible. I need to stay focus, and get my joy back.
What brings you joy? What does your perfect day look like? When was the last time you really thought about it? I think that needs to be our goal in society. To have our life filled with perfect days of joy.
-T
About the Creator
Talara Nolan
I am a single parent to a 4 year old girl and live with her in Canada. I love working out and have lost over 45 lbs over time. I would love to share what I have learned and all the things that have worked for me over time.
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Comments (1)
Love your article, well written and thought out. I don't know why but I always thought that remote jobs could be done by anyone, anywhere in the world. But I guess the whole paying taxes thing or whatever other government rules would make that very difficult. The only thing that I would disagree with is the last two sentences. If everyday was filled with joy eventually it would become mundane and repetitive and then each day would no longer bring joy. For me, the goal is to have each day be better than the last in some way. Maybe today is a great day because I finally mastered a new recipe, but tomorrow is a better day because I spent time with a friend and then the following day is better because I stayed home and read a book. Instead of everyday being perfect, how about having perfect moments in each day that bring you joy? What do you think, Talara?