What an Unexpected Week…

Hi again! After yet another 6 month hiatus I’m back to speak about my life that somehow has gained the interest of some, I am grateful though. To sum up what’s happened since I quit my job wouldn’t be impossible I’m just…believe or not…still processing and accepting all the changes. Honestly? I just don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t hurt me to talk about it, I just don’t want to I’m already discussing things in fragments with my therapist so, bare with me until I can form coherent sentences about the whole thing but I can talk about my week!..thus far.

This week I started adjusting to higher dosage of the antidepressant I was prescribed in May and let me tell you, it’s been quite the experience. On the previous medications I was on I didn’t feel much change everything kind of stagnated and left me constantly feeling nuetral and slighly disassociated. In other words…I felt like I was a “vegetable” unable to function properly as a human being. But, I digress because that wasn’t the case the first day. I felt a sudden wave of motivation to turn my room “upside down” I wanted to paint the walls, rearrange furniture, completely declutter my space to make it more open. However, this wave of motivation was at 11pm so I couldn’t start right away which left me very antsy and unable to sleep. I fell asleep a eventually but when exactly that was, I have no idea.

Next morning, I expected the motivation to be gone the moment I woke up but, I have forgotton just how much tunnel vision I have once I decide on something. I got to work right after breakfast I left a tornado in my wake with dissassembling my bed frame and a bunch of clothes and boxes spread out around the room. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t get overwhelmed at all but I didn’t let that get in the way. I was still going through one of my storage baskets while I was on video call with my therapist not thourghly though so I could stay present during our session. Than I got back to it. 3hrs later and the room is still very much a mess but I had four trash bags of miscellaneous items that I was more then happy to be rid of. I immediately felt lighter having gotten rid of so much clutter and I mean that both literally and mentally.

I have hording tendacies so decideding what to throw away and what to keep was a bit of a hassle so I called my sister to help me out with that. Mostly tossing all my eyeshadow pallets and mascara hurt me but a lot of them were over 3 years old and the two years of lock down was mostly the reason why they barely got used. I don’t have attachments to clothes much anymore so old clothes or barely used tops I had no problem throwing away and an over abundance of pj tops as well. Fear not, I may have been decluttering but I wasn’t going nuts just throwing everything away….actually…I take that back on impulse I tossed a good pair of flare leggings away that I bought in the beginning of the year…too late now.

Well, after 6hrs of work I was tired, sweaty and my legs felt like jello but I felt very happy and accomplished. Knowing me though was I going to stop there for the week? Nope, that was only phase one. So, I had yet another night struggling to sleep thinking of what to do next.

Another morning of waking up early and getting into the groove motivation just like the day before I got started right after breakfast. Moved my mattress to the side and grabbed the step ladder to start removing my art prints and wall hangers (what I use to hold my jewelry) off the wall so I could make room for the paintings I wanted to put up. It took a bit placement and all also, from taking a bit of time to eat but I hadn’t lost the drive to do it once even after seeing how messy things can get so quickly. Put up my collage wall with the magazine c0vers I ripped up the night before and got to hammering back in the wall hangers and taping up the firefly lights and faux vines; seeing everything come to together really brought some life back into my day to day.

Phase 3 is declutter the closet…well it’s more of switching things around to make space but, regardless that will take just as long maybe less. Depending on how long it takes me to go through everything but I look forward to it just the same! To think all this came about just from getting a higher dosage in my medication. Well, until next time!