Single? Change Your Status

I know how easy it is to feel like a single person stuck in a couple’s world. For us singles out there, Covid certainly made that fact more evident.

Couples often seem to be having a better time than us singles. They are seen walking hand in hand along the beach, or enjoying a glass of wine at a restaurant, and jogging in the park together. Such sights might make you think that everybody has someone special except you---- but you’re wrong.

You are not alone. Plenty of singles out there feel the exact same way. Are you anxious to meet "The Right One" and wondering how?

So, if you’re so wonderful, why are you still single? What’s stopping you, and how can you make a change in this area of your life, which leads to a commitment?

Let me make a few suggestions to help you begin a new chapter in this area of your life.

STEP 1: Letting Go

Remember the last time someone broke your heart? You didn’t think you could drag yourself through another day or suffer through another night. Although most adults have experienced some sort of failed relationship, whether through a divorce or just a partnership gone bad, it does not make it easier to get through. Of course we do need to experience a certain amount of the grieving process. The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. But don’t keep ripping the scab off of an old wound. In other words, reaching acceptance is necessary to move forward in a new relationship.

Also, sometimes after a failed relationship, we build up those walls to protect ourselves from getting hurt the next time. Eventually, you have to let those walls down. As they say, a light is at the end of the tunnel. But before you can see the light, you have to Let Go of the past if you want to love and be loved again.

STEP 2: Take Control

Knowing what you want in a relationship is the key to getting it. Determine what you have to offer in the relationship is the key to getting it. Determine what you have to offer in the relationship and what you expect in return. Ask yourself what is important to you and make a list. Goals put in writing are better accomplished!

• What are your likes & dislikes?

• What are your personal and professional goals?

• What are your values – Is faith or politics important to you?

• What type of person physically attracts you?

• What are the 10 most important characteristics they must possess?

• What are your deal breakers – Cats? , Smoking?

• What kind of things will the two of you be doing together – Lifestyle?

• What are your hobbies & Interests?

STEP 3: Don’t Settle

This is very important. Step 2 addressed compatibility. It is vital to the long-term relationship success. With that said, compatibility without chemistry is a deal-breaker; you have to have mutual chemistry.

This is not an exact science, but technically there are several physiological factors that contribute to the thrill felt when two people are right. As human beings become stimulated they release a number of hormones and chemicals that trigger various responses.

• Adrenaline triggers sweaty palms, heart palpitations, and weak knees.

• Oxytocin is known as the cuddle chemical.

• Phenylethylamine causes the natural high feeling.

• Endorphins are the pleasure chemicals

Of course this information sounds very scientific and practical, unless we are the one’s experiencing the sweaty palms, tingling sensations, and the rush of adrenaline pulsing through our veins causing our heart to race and our body temperature to rise! Then, the last thing we want to hear is that it is just our hormones…

Bottom line, two people can have a lot in common and technically be a well-matched couple. But without that a true commitment, they are just in a relationship of convenience. I have never been a fan of FWB ( friends with benefits.) From my own personal experience and those of my clients; it leads to unfulfilled expectations & frustration.

Dating with intentionality will get you the results you not only want; but need. We are created to be relational. Doing life with your forever friend will ultimately bring more satisfaction & joy to your life. So make "dating" a priority again, and Change your social status FOREVER!!!