I’m Stepping Into 2022 with More Self-Compassion

I sat here today reading through endless articles on New Year’s resolutions and non-resolutions. Enjoying people’s take on how they’re entering the new year and what they’re doing differently from years past.

I, too, used to join in on the excitement of setting a new goal to achieve in the new year, but somewhere along the road I just…stopped.

My goals were always weight-oriented.

Lose 20lbs by summer.

Reach a goal weight by December.

Fit into said size by said month.

Cut out this, this, and that to lose weight.

I got to the point where I wasn’t holding myself accountable to those goals and then when I’d remember I set them in the first place, I’d be disappointed.

I’m currently in the middle of taking marketing courses and one of the root fundamentals you learn is SMART goals. Specific, manageable, achievable, relevant, and time-based.

Had I had this information when I was younger maybe it would’ve been a reliable foundation to help me hold myself accountable.

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These past few years have been nothing short of rough for everyone. We exist blindly on this beautiful blue, round sphere. Most of us go on about our daily lives by sticking to our routines, building families, traveling, teaching, learning, and striving for life-long dreams or new dreams.

Then, it was as if someone or something out in space took our little sphere on the tip of their celestial fingertip and spun us backward sending our world into an unknown void of panic.

And now, we’re afraid, uncertain, and exhausted. We’re fucking exhausted.

We’re all navigating new normals, whether you went back to your job or not, whether you never lost your job or not, whether you stayed in the same place or not.

The world we knew in 2019 no longer exists and that’s scary. And it’s okay that it’s scary.

After everything we’ve been through and are still going through, I can’t fathom setting a numeric goal for myself.

And that’s just my truth.

So going into the new year, I’m not trying to lose 20lbs, I’m not forcing myself to write an article per day, I’m not setting a number to a goal this year.

Instead, I’m going back to a piece of advice that I received from my therapist in 2019 just months before the pandemic hit the U.S.

Self-compassion.

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Practicing self-compassion is not always an easy task. It’s redefining the way we speak to ourselves and to others. No more saying that’s stupid, I’m stupid, bitch, please, or self-deprecating jokes.

It’s redefining your reactions to your actions. No more self-shaming when you drop and break a plate. No more allowing anger to be a priority emotion. No more shutting down and running off when faced with unknown territory in a conversation.

I am quick to offer compassion to others in times of need, but I am just as quick to forget the need for self-compassion when I need it the most.

Compassion derives from the Latin word pati which means to suffer. The pre-fix com- translates to with. So compassion literally means to suffer with.

In those moments of suffering, imagine if we chose to be present and practice self-compassion instead of shaming or guilting ourselves. Imagine how much we could grow from those moments, learn about ourselves in those moments and allow ourselves some slack.

We endure a lot throughout our lives and I think a little slack is acceptable.

Instead of turning off a switch and ignoring our suffering with the mentality that we’re meant to be tough, what if instead we allowed ourselves to sit in the moment and acknowledge that we’re in a tough place.

We aren’t meant to be perfect. We are beautifully and imperfectly made. There is no learning without failure. We have no room to judge or criticize.

This goes for others just as much as it goes for ourselves.

So instead of beating ourselves up over our shortcomings, why don’t we show up for ourselves with kindness and understanding?

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Going into this new year, this big and unknown 2022, I’m focusing on self-compassion.

I’m allowing myself to fall and fail and be kinder to myself when I do.

I sat with my therapist in 2019, cozied up in a chair in her office working on self-compassion on a day where I was not too kind to myself. She asked me to place my hands where I felt safe, and to me, that was cupping my face. She then asked me to repeat these words:

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy.

May I live with ease.

I wish these things for you heading into the unknown of the new year. And I am asking you to give yourself permission to fail, to be imperfect, and to gracefully give yourself the compassion you deserve in the moments when you need it.

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Use this mantra if you want or make your own. There’s no right or wrong thing to say, as long as you are practicing self-kindness. Take this test by Kristen Kneff to see where you could use a little more self-compassion.

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Until next time,

Haley