How far do you change to find joy?

Is there a limit on what to change to find joy? What do you do when you wake up one day and realize that you aren't happy with your life? How far would you go to find joy?

I had a comfortable life, I guess you could say. Though for me, I felt stuck most days. I was in the routine of my life. My daughter was in school, I had family that watched her while I worked. I would get up, go to work, come home and do it again. But one day turned into another, and before you know it, months go by. I didn't feel much joy anymore. I felt like I was surviving. But I had to keep going for everyone else. I paid a family member to watch my daughter. So I had to keep going for them. I had to keep going for my daughter, they would say to me. That this was the best for her.

However, I could feel my unhappiness. There were questions in my mind that wasn't it best that she have a happy and present parent. Isn't that what was better for her?

As my relationship got serious, questions of our future as a family started being asked. We lived far from each other, and a long distance relationship is a hard thing to deal with. As we were figuring things out, I had to keep ignoring the people around me who were asking so many questions. It's a hard thing to do to ignore people that you think care about it. However, what this has taught me is that sometimes people think they are doing what is best for you. When, in reality, they are looking out for themselves. They might think that they are doing what is best for you, but that isn't always true.

Then a few things happened that really brought me peace in my decision. One was the sudden death of a dancer, named Twitch. It really made me think of my own mental life. I really looked inwards to see the areas that I needed to improve. I could see that I was struggling, really struggling with my life and where I was. I just wasn't happy. I knew that I had to do something to change things.

The second was that there was a bomb threat at my daughter's school. They said that they thought it was just a joke. However, I couldn't shake the feeling. Her father lived rather far, and I knew that we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if something happened and he wasn't there.

So with that in my mind, I agreed to move our daughter and I so that we could all live together. I knew that this decision wasn't going to make people happy. However, I wasn't prepared for how strong that would happen. My family was angry with me. They weren't going to see us as much, and clearly they weren't needed to watch her anymore. They also thought that I was making a terrible decision. I was moving away from everyone I knew, and quitting my job for my new family. I knew that I was making the right decision in my heart. But getting everyone else to see that too was a hard thing. As I prepared, I began to think that it wasn't going to happen.

As the move date got closer, I felt more and more pressure that everyone thought I was making the wrong decision. It took all the strength I had to stick to my decision that this was the right thing to do. I had to ask myself if this was the right decision, how sure was I. I wanted to feel joy again, to feel happiness. I knew that if I stayed in the life that I had, that I wasn't going to be happy. I knew that I could stay there and be stuck, or I could move on.

Now, as I sit here in my house with my new family, I feel calm. I know that a lot of people in my life are unhappy with the decision that I made. But it was a decision for me and my family, not anyone else. While people mean well, people will almost always look out for the best of themselves. So you need to do the same. No matter who thinks that I made a bad decision, I have great peace in what I have done. I am unsure of what exactly our future is going to look like. But I do know that everything will be okay. I know that I made the right decision. I already have more peace and joy in my heart. There isn't a thing I would change. Everyone deserves to have joy and happiness in their life. If you are stuck, then try something new. It doesn't have to be something big, maybe something small like taking a class. No matter what it is, do what feels right in your heart. Regardless of what people think about it.

- T