Boundaries...We'll Talk About It

Creating boundaries is easier (not easy) if you’re not a people-pleaser. Being a people-pleaser makes you worried that creating boundaries that are helpful to you may hurt or bother someone else, so you dismiss your own needs to satisfy others. It’s not fair and you’re the only one neglected in the end. Boundaries look different for everyone because everyone has different triggers.

One person’s boundary may be to never let anyone show up at their house uninvited. The reason could be because their ex used to do it after confrontations and it makes them super uncomfortable being surprised like that. This isn’t everyone’s reasoning of course, but you get the point. Not showing up to someone's house uninvited could be seen as common courtesy, but most of us still let people in if they do. If it’s someone I consider a friend, I’d probably still let them in—411, I struggle with people-pleasing, that’s why I feel justified to speak on the matter.

I feel as if I’m most confident in setting boundaries with people I have less history with though. It’s easier to explain to someone new to your life that you don’t like xyz being done and they can kinda take it or leave it. Also, since they’re new to your life–if they decide to “leave it”, it’s easier for you to recover from their absence. You have no major history with them. Now imagine setting boundaries with your friend of 10+ years on something that’s always been done between you both. This can be confusing on both sides. They probably never saw it as a problem. If you’re a people pleaser you’ll feel bad for bringing it up so late and possibly “jeopardizing” your relationship. I’m here to tell you, that’s okay.

We’d all love to keep our favorite people close to our heart, but when they’re the ones hurting it… you have to eventually be okay with letting them go. You have to choose yourself. What’s the point of having someone (friend, partner, business associate) around that makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable? There’s nothing beneficial about it. Here’s another secret, anyone who cares about you will want to respect your boundaries because they don’t want to jeopardize their relationship with you. No one who cares about you will have a “this is who I am, so it is what it is” attitude about your healthy and reasonable boundaries with them.

I know this was a lot to take in and you’re probably going over a list of people you need to cut off, but let’s not be hasty. Give people a chance to fix what you’re asking. If they don’t after that—cut’em loose, Goose. I know a lot of people “ghost” others and it makes it easier on them, but that leaves the other person with so many unanswered questions and it’s not fair.

I’m not saying tomorrow you’ll wake up and stick to every boundary you set easily, it’ll be a process, but it can be done. I can only hope you choose to stick to your boundaries because you value your quality of life more than a bond with inconsiderate people. If you don’t know where to start, message me…we’ll talk about it.

Happy Tuesday!