An Ode to Suicide Awareness

March 20, 2023 @ 11:19pm

May you always seek refuge in those you love. May your soul always know the way home. May your tears never guide you to the ground. May you get lost but always be found.

Your tears are my tears

I hope you know how loved you are

I don't have to know you to love you

But I do know you and I do love you

I understand what it means to not want to live anymore

To feel unwanted

Unseen

Unheard

Debilitating literally paralyzing

You obsess over it

So much so that your mind tells your heart

Your Soul

Your entire being

That life would be so much better without you in it

Everyone would be better without you

Here

You're a burden somehow to the lives of those that should be there for you

To love you

To accept you

To nurture you

To enjoy you

To pour into you nothing but love prayers and goodness

But when you need someone who is there for you

You show up everyday with a smile on your face

Another day of happiness

Another day of hiding the sadness

The pain

The depression

We are so good at it, aren't we

Look at us

We wear it like a Halloween costume

So big and bright

It seem so real

As the day goes on we wear it so well

and so much

that we begin to become it

Until we are home

In the car

Alone

Until we check our phones and the call isn't there

The text isn't there

Or we get dumped yet again

Or told that we are the problem, which we already knew because we are always the problem, even if we do everything right

We are the problem

Our whole existence is a problem

It's us not you

It's always us

Who to call

Who will understand

Who can relate

I'll just be a burden

No one can penetrate

It would be better to just cry alone

To just tuck it away

And cry myself to sleep

Feeling this deep pain that throughout the years creates this deep pit in your chest that you'll never really be able to let go of

I know

I know it all too well

I still have it

But the truth is, we are not burdens

Many of us just haven't met our tribes yet

People are shitty and it's okay to be different

To want different for yourself

It's okay to be depressed

To not want to live or to bbe here anymore

It's all okay

All of it

Every single feeling you have

Even the big ones that others can't handle

But I'm here

To listen

To take the weight

To hear your pain

To wipe your tears

To not judge you for your immensely brave and courageous vulnerability that others cannot hold because they cannot hold their own

That is not a reflection of you it is a reflection of them

We are not the problem

Our parents are

Our perpetrators are

The people we called friends but they never showed

We have to learn to change the narrative in our own minds

Easier said than done

I'm aware

Trust me

But therapy matters

Psychologists and psychiatrists matter

Being vulnerable with that one person in your life matters

Giving yourself the space to grieve, feel, and go through your emotions matters

YOU MATTER

And if no one tells you that they love you today

I will

I love you

and You matter

Everything about you is fine

You are fine

You are enough

You are more than enough

Just the way you are is enough

I am so proud of you for waking up today

Look at you go

For getting up today

For eating something today

For being alive today

You are perfectly made and okay just the way you are

Here's to today

May your spirit awaken a newer, deeper understanding of who you are, and who you were always meant to be.

With love always