A ( Not So Timely) Reminder

for my crafters who aren't always happy

By Kaye ThompsonPublished 3 years ago • 3 min read

I was sick... SICK.

102.4 °F. Excuse me....girl, what? “My thermometer is broken”, I thought. Cus Kaye doesn’t get sick so this must be a glitch in the simulation. Not this piss poor timing. See I had it all planned out. I read articles on how to win a Vocal contest, I mapped out my story, and I even perused previous winners for inspiration. And here I am at 9:07 PM on Friday June 11, 2021, typing this shit out now. Is there an award for procrastination because in this essay I will...

Let me explain- I have a crafty story. It’s good too. But I got sick on Tuesday and literally couldn’t leave bed all week. So, this is the first time in days I’ve felt well enough to even type. It’s the irony for me chile. Now, I’m just ready to submit this and pray y’all like me. Oh and honorable mention, “I use scissors to cut the cords on my bracelets” (y’all know y’all dead wrong for that requirement like c’mon...REALLY?)

My tools. I use scissor but ironically they aren't pictured here LOL whoops.

Story Time:

I was in toxic relationship three years ago that ended in flames. By flames I mean “I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety” in the months following that chaotic time in my life. I don’t have too much to say about that because I still haven’t mentioned a craft, it’s now 9:14 PM, and I don’t feel like being vulnerable about my trauma right now, mkay? The point is, my doctor and my therapist were both adamant I find a hobby or two that could help me cope with my exciting new life filled with constant mental breakdowns or extended periods of just being... numb. I literally didn't feel anything anymore. I just didn't have the energy for it. That lasted for about a year. It sucked.

In late 2019, ( 1 year post-breakup) I really got into beaded bracelets. Please don’t ask me why, because I don’t remember (thank you depression brain). I just know at some point I became borderline obsessed with beaded bracelets, which shifted into me making them on my own. And I was good at it too. And people bought them, so I turned it into a business. I had high hopes... but I wasn’t happy. GOTCHA. What y’all thought I was gonna say? That the beaded bracelets brought a new level of satisfaction to my dreary existence? I danced off into the sunset with beaded bracelets jangling on my arms as I embraced the flood of happiness overcoming me? Lol no ma’am.

In conclusion, the girl gets deep...

So girl if making bracelets didn’t make you happy, why even bring it up?? Because I’m still working on it. Sometimes it’s straight up frustration that fuels my bracelet-making (I just re-launched my Etsy store and have gotten ONE sale. It's Spain without the s.) Me frantically throwing beads together with the only thought “Must sell ten sets every week” cartwheeling through my disorganized mind. Realizing aforementioned beads don’t even go together or look right on the final bracelet. Using 6mm beads with 10 mm beads thinking I was eclectic. Scrolling through Facebook comparing my work to the retired ladies who bead for fun and not because they’re trying to make enough income to quit their job.... My point is sometimes it’s not happiness. I get that this is a little off topic, but as a creative, a disgruntled one at that... I feel like it needs to be said and it should be honored. Of course I craft when I’m happy, but more importantly I craft when I feel like it. Whether that feeling is rage, sorrow, silliness, etc. I’m just so blessed that crafting helps me feel what I’m feeling.

Every single bracelet I make carries a wealth of emotion, it’s what sets my pieces apart. It’s what sets me apart. So yes, crafty Kaye makes bracelets to help get her mind right. But she’s also JUST now learning how to identify when she’s truly happy (feel free to test her level of happy with a “you are the winner..” email). She’s still sorting through her emotions and learning how to name them, honor them, and release them. Maybe one day making bracelets will just be a source of happiness for me. That would be dope af. I’ll feel every bead of joy... idk its 9:42 PM and I think I’ll just end up being redundant and cliché if I don’t stop typing soon. You're valid, and so is every single emotion that goes into your crafts! Thanks for reading!