Troll Free

I opened my inbox and there it was. The one thing that can really ruin my day, the anonymous fat hate troll:

"Do you fat women even realize how fucking ugly you are? I mean I almost vommitted [sic] looking at your picture, you fat ass.

LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT, YOU DISGUSTING FAT COW!!!!!!!!!"

Oh boy, do I love the internet and the wonderful platform it gives trolls to spew their venom all over strangers and to voice their unwanted opinions for the whole world to see (insert sarcasm here). This person felt the burning need to tell me how horrible and ugly I am. Like I fucking care what they think. Like I haven't heard that shit said before both by anonymous internet cowards and to my face by more brazen arseholes.

Truthfully, for every one asshole comment I get like this, I get a thousand nice ones, but these venomous comments always end up sitting in the back of your throat like bile. This commentator is a bully. Straight up. And I don't fucking cotton to bullies. I grew up being bullied and fuck that shit in my adult life. It's an unfortunate truth of the world, it's chock full of assholes and those assholes feel like they have an inherent right to speak and be heard. Like my very existence as a fat woman is an affront to their delicate sensibilities and I need to have my uppity self put in my place. Like I don't have the right to exist. Well, here's some news for you fucker, you can speak but we don't have to listen and we don't fucking care what your opinion is! I have the same right to exist as you do!

But I'm going to talk back to you because most bullies rely on their targets being shamed into silence. Silent targets are easy targets. I'm going to respond because people die of this kind of hate everyday. I'm gonna get right up in your face and tell you what a fucking cunt you are (yes I used the 'c' word). I feel no shame for who I am. I love my fat. I love my body. I love what my body has accomplished. I love what my mind living in this body has accomplished. You, my dear internet cunt, have no idea who I am, where I come from, or what I've been through in my life. My skin is thick from the arrows slung at it. My fat flesh can weather your storm of insults. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd take a shit.

Here's an idea, if you don't find fat women attractive, don't look at them but keep your fucking mouth shut. If you don't like us, stay off our blogs and stay out of our world. We don't want you here anyways. We don't need you and we don't fucking care about you. Go away.

Sometimes I think Miss Piggy had the right idea about how to deal with the haters of the world. A good solid karate chop to the throat.

While I do believe "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" I have to admit in my darkest heart of black hearts I do kind of wish I could visit every bigoted, fat-hating, racist, misogynist, sexist, ableist, hate-spewing troll in the world and take the venom they wash the world with and pour it back down their throats so I could watch them choke on it. You are doing no good for the world. I remember reading about the ancient Egyptians concepts of the afterlife when I was a child: When you reached the gates to heaven your heart was weighed on a scale by Osiris and if the good you did for others in your life didn't out-weigh the bad, you weren't allowed into the afterlife and had to wander the earth as a regretful shade. That image has always stuck with me. My fat heart has done a lot of good for people and I actively avoid filling it up with hate. I firmly believe in doing good in this world, that you have to do more good than bad. And for each of you internet trolls and real life trolls all that hate you spew, all that hate you carry around with you, all that hate inside you, all that hate you visit on others, you are going to be judged for it one day, one way or another and you are going to have to answer for it. You can't live a life full of hate and not face judgement for it at some point. So good luck with that.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep on living my fat life in my big old fat body with my fat heart and my fat mind. I'm going to relish in the idea that I disgust you. I hope I make you uncomfortable. I hope I make you vomit until you collapse in a pile of your own hateful puke. I hope I make you squirm, little boy. I'm gonna push my big, fat ass further and further into your world until there is no more room for you or your hate and then us fatties, and weirdos, and queers, and people of colour, and freaks, and geeks, all us people you feel the need to hate, are gonna take over the world and throw your hateful ass out of it. Because I've got news for you, there is a lot more of us than there are of you and it's high time for a fucking change in this world.