Toxic Positivity

Expressing positivity in the face of adversity can be a healthy coping mechanism, but it is also important to validate one's real emotions, whether positive or negative. Without showing empathy, expressing positivity to someone who is dealing with personal rejection, loss or adversity can have toxic effects.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word “empathy” can be defined as: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.”

Toxic Positivity is a coping mechanism that we tend to use indiscriminately to deflect negativity. We may use it on ourselves or on others. Although we may have the purest and most well-meaning of intentions at heart, by using toxic positivity we inadvertently send a message, whether to ourselves or to someone else, that feeling sad or angry is wrong and any such negative emotion must be "switched off" on demand, and replaced with positivity, however unwarranted.

Toxic Positivity arises from an unrealistic expectation that one pair of rose-colored glasses is a one-size-fits-all panacea for any negative feelings that arise in reaction to perceived misfortune or adversity, however justified the feelings may be. This approach is not only unrealistic, it implies a total lack of empathy and disregards the subjective experience of pain or suffering.

This generic form of positivity disparages one's feelings and ignores one's personal reality and emotional state, causing soul crushing self-doubt and resulting in cognitive dissonance, which can be "resolved" by ignoring one's emotional triggers and denying those authentic feelings deemed "inappropriate," under the guise of a positive attitude. The problem with this "resolution" is that by suppressing one's true feelings, one is essentially dancing around the problem by creating an even greater cognitive dissonance deep within, laying dormant, beneath the surface, like a ticking time bomb, destined to explode. This unhealthy suppression and emotional buildup can not be sustained in the long run, eventually causing an overflow of toxicity, manifesting itself in unexpected dis-ease. This often shows up in the form of a complete mental breakdown or a chronic physcal illness, like an autoimmune disorder.

There are much better ways to cope with emotional trigger situations that validate one's feelings and personal reality, while emphasizing positive problem-solving and cognitive-restructuring. When one is in alignment with her authentic truth, she accepts situations as they are in the moment, allowing herself to be in touch with her feelings, validate those feelings, and then move on to proactive solutions.

A dose of positivity with a side of empathy can always be effective in dealing with adversity and negativity, inspiring one to learn from his/her losses and keep moving forward toward better days. Empathy is Without the empathy, the person suffering feels shame for their negative feelings, leading them to feel isolated and alone in their experience.

Let's do what we can to create a culture of progress where small wins are celebrated, losses are accepted and learned from, authenticity is encouraged and embraced, and all feelings are validated.

We can not change what we do not first acknowledge and accept as valid.

“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.”

~ Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life