the progressive mind

November 30th, 2022

I had a talk with an astrologist yesterday. We went to a cozy café close to where I live, and we sat by the window where I could watch the people and the trams and cars go by.

She is actually a co-worker and she’s been learning how to read people’s natal charts for a while now. I had previously provided her with the information she needed for the task.

The experience was very satisfying, it plumps up the ego only to beat it down soon after. But one thing she said really stuck with me. “You should definitely be writing” - and I need to add, she didn't know I already am.

She emphasized how my mind is extremely progressive, and that not many of us possess such a mind. The struggle that comes with such a trait is a sense of superiority, that I might feel people won’t understand my intricate ideas. But that will prove itself to be false, only if I open up to collaboration and accept other ideas too, or at least consider them.

My progressive mind should also be exposed, according to her interpretations. There’s a need to liberate these revolutionary thoughts to the public, thoughts that could even change the world. I never considered myself as a communicator, but she definitely emphasized that word in our talk too.

I always kind of hated human beings. According to her, this comes from a deep need to control. I can’t control people’s emotions, so why risk creating problems that I might not be able to fix? I can’t control their reactions, and therefore mine. This drives a controlled mind crazy, so I choose to keep away and stay safe.

When it comes to my softer side, my emotions, love and relationships, I clearly struggle. But that’s according to me, not her. She did acknowledge that I feel a bunch, but that storm happens on the inside. On the outside, I’m contained. The topic of control surfaced again. On my love life, on my relationship with my mother and even my own self.

The relationship part is not even worth mentioning in this entry. If you’ve been keeping up with my journal you know exactly the issues I have with love.

She opened our conversation with an overall reading of my soul, which according to her is foggy, mysterious. To others, and to maybe even myself. And I agree. I find it hard to understand who I truly and am and who I’m truly supposed to be. The present seems inhospitable, like it doesn’t truly exist. A second goes by and it’s already the past, and the next second to come is unpredictable, it’s the future.

It seems like the one version of myself I truly know is the one in the past, since that’s done and I have a clear overview of it from the mountain top of wisdom. But the present version is yet changing and shaping the unknown future. How can I be sure of who I am when it’s still shaping?

Now, I feel I should let all of this go and simply live. Let life happen on its own and enjoy it as it comes. When the right time arrives, and I find myself beaten down after another long fight, I might turn back to astrology to find some sense.

Well, I’ve had a lot to think about and I hope she understands how much it means to me to have talked with her. The dedication she has put in to try and help me navigate this collapsing world is impressive, and for that I’m very grateful.

- Ms. Rodwell