Holy Crap I'm 40: Juice Cleanse Edition

When you turn 40 and you realize that your life may be half over, you may or may not want to become more health conscious. I am not a nutritionist. In fact, I am nutritionist's nightmare. I believe that if a snack food has the word "fruit" in the name, it should count as a fruit. Makes me popular with the kids, but no so much with any sugar conscious parent. Can't win em all. When the 3 became a 4 in my age, I decided that I should embark on a healthier lifestyle. I had seen an advertisement for a three day juice cleanse. Three days-how hard could it be. Well, now that I am no longer weak and dizzy, I can share the experience with you without passing out.

And I didn't even cheat!

The colors of the juices were so vibrant–like the colors of a rainbow. And I did it. I stuck to a three day juice cleanse. Six juices a day (I only had 5), unlimited water (I definitely didn't drink enough), green vegetables and egg whites (I had 4 egg whites a day and steamed broccoli).

I wasn't so hungry as I was a little dizzy at times (especially in the middle of the night when the juices wanted to make their exit). I didn't cheat. I survived without diet soda. I did not crave sugar or flour. I lost five pounds.

And I could call for help... sort of

The juices were not my cup of tea...but, they are tolerable (except for the spinach pineapple which I could not get down, at all, and I tried). My favorite was the spicy lemonade, which makes the most sense because it has the least nutritional value. I felt that after spending all this money, I could have gotten a little more support from the company that I purchased the juices from. The woman at the store takes your cell phone to text you guidelines... which are vague at best, but easy to follow. After all, how hard is it to drink a bottle of juice. But I honestly felt that for anyone who invests in the cleanse should get a follow up text to make sure you are ok and haven't passed out in the street somewhere from hunger. It is great that the company gives you a contact number but, if you are in a coma, it doesn't help you.

When I finished the three day experience, I did feel a new sense of self control and I am going to try and keep to eating small, healthy meals every few hours. They say that your metabolism changes after 40, that is not great news for someone whose metabolism has been at a standstill since she could drive to Dunkin' Donuts. But the small meals are supposed to help with that. Perhaps I would do the cleanse again... just not for a while. Actually, maybe not at all. But I totally support those that do.

Gosh darn baby weight

But let's be honest, the skinny chicks who do these cleanses, don't eat that much to begin with. If I had the self control to drink one of these juices for lunch and not eat anything else the rest of the day, I wouldn't have to go on this cleanse in the first place!

I am a real woman who likes real food (and if you are one of those "but I can eat whatever I want and never gain weight" ladies... bite me.) I can admit that over the past few months, I have lost the ability to demonstrate will power when it comes to food and this really did help me.

Will I keep the weight off? Will I lose the remaining 15 pounds of baby weight (my baby is 16, but that isn't the point)? Will I refrain from seeing how a pint of Rocky Road will digest after only drinking nutrient enriched juices for three days? Only time will tell.

Perhaps if I do this cleanse again, I will add some vodka and see how it goes.