Fine, Thanks

Alright, abelists, as April is coming up and as it is Abelist Awareness month, I’m going to do quite a bit of fine ranting next month since I have stuff to say to everybody who has ever been an abelist in my life or an abettor to abelism. To expect disabled people to say “Thanks, I’m fine,” is ridiculous. We are fine only if we have enough spoons to appear to be fine. Sometimes “fine” is not the way we chronically ill feel, mmm k? Chronic illness is a drain. I don’t always sleep the whole night but for some reason I wake up feeling energy as well as rested.

Invisible illness such as diabetes, lupus, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and more are drains on the people who have them. Don’t tell somebody they don’t “look sick,” ever. Period. That is rude. It is also really rude to assume natural medicine will help them. As a type 1 diabetic, I deal with massive ignorance way too often. Rude much to assume that a diabetic can rely on natural remedies other than insulin, which by the way, is natural because it comes from the human body, yes. It might be synthesized with precision in a lab, but it works.

Christine Miserandino pioneered the term “spoons” only because she gathered a bunch of spoons to show her healthy friend what her life and others’ lives are about. One spoon is a “finite unit of energy” (Healthline #2) Don’t tell chronically ill people they can exercise and feel better. Some feel worse. Two years ago in March, I fractured my tibia and dislocated my kneecap two more times after the first dislocation in yoga. My knee has been stiff ever since. I can’t exercise except to walk. This alone is driving me crazy.

I can’t burn significant calories in martial arts class, tai chi has kicks, and yoga, well I can’t do that right now. Instead, I seethe in frustration and focus on getting my calcium levels up higher. I have a life-long low-calcium issue that comes up with my pediatric onset schizophrenia and thyroid disorder. Thyroid hormone is merely a replacement hormone, rather like insulin, that you have to supplement. It is not bad for you. I have to explain this to eastern medicine types. You have to substitute thyroid hormone in order to function, period.

My spoons are what they are. I only have so much energy on any given day. I blow people off when I’m not feeling 100 percent. Keeping up with my job training classes can be exhausting but I manage. I’m just feeling pre-ritual nerves and stage fright, which is why I have been waking up early this week, like at 5:00 AM, unable to get into a deep sleep. Don’t tell chronically ill people who don’t look obviously ill that they don’t look sick. Don’t assume because they have clear skin, that they look good, and are healthy. Chronically ill people are tired a lot.

We are tired because we do not always get enough sleep. If I slept the whole night, that would be a miracle for me. I don’t. I try. But well, I don’t. I work hard to stay stable. It is too hard sometimes. I want to be permanently stable for a long time. I had to fight for the stability I do have, because for a while I was simply interfered with anytime I tried to see a real psychiatrist, until I got on disability. I’m playing Safeway Monopoly in order to try to win something. If I have faith, maybe I could win the $1 million if only because I just need one more piece, 108AH. So if anybody has that, please find me on Facebook. Thanks.

Works Cited

Counting My Spoons

Healthline