My first post
I understand that I, as a female, am complicated. I’m going to tell you a little story about my struggle. Now at the age I am I’m more secure in myself about the way I look. I always thought that I truly was ok. I have forgiven myself. My struggle first started in my teenage years. I know a lot of people might say, but you were young. Yes, I was, but I already had started to figure things out. I had curves, had a body was still just me. I won’t go into detail about the next part just know it was bad. I changed after this incident. I wasn’t beautiful to me. I wasn’t perfect. My innocence was gone. I covered my body so no one would look at it. I was ashamed of it. I was ugly, fat, all around not good enough.
Years passed and I still wasn’t good enough. I still wasn’t beautiful. I was just beneath the foot of the person who did this. I thought maybe if I was skinnier I could be that girl. I could get that guy. I would watch TV and look at the girls on there and say they were beautiful. They were what I wanted to be. I couldn’t live up to that. I had a stomach, had hips, and was short. I couldn’t be them. My whole life I have been a size 12 or higher. I did things I’m not proud of. I did them just to look like the girls on tv. In the media, 10 years ago, there not girls who looked like me. We were unwanted as models and unwanted as women. The plus size women. The women that made up half the society. Why did I not have role models to look up to. If you ask me there should have been.
In the media, beauty is only skin deep. I hate to say it but the media is super shallow. Now that we are in a new era of models and women in the media, plus size women get a chance. There are more and more songs being made about beauty not being skin deep, that beauty comes from within not from what you wear. Clothes just enhance the beauty that was already there. Why did I tell that story? Well, it’s my story that needed to be heard. Did media play a role in what I did? Of course, it did, but I figured before I start spilling my thoughts on other things to tell a story of me.
I used to play TLC’s song "Unpretty" nonstop. I got tired of people telling me what I should change on my body. Telling me how much weight I should lose. Or telling me that just because I’m a size 18 that I can’t be something. Just because I can’t please everyone I know it’s ok. Now that I am older, I have gained knowledge, did research, and saw the rise of beautiful women who were my size. I am just happy that I can now look up to women like Ashley Graham. “Plus Size” is finally something to be proud of. I can be who I am. I don’t have to feel ashamed. I can be beautiful. Body image is something many people just pass over and don’t think about. It takes time to accept who you are. Now that I have accepted who I am, I’m never looking back. I am secure in myself. I am just a perfect imperfection that will never stop amazing people. Never let anyone bring you down.