Adding some BLC (Body Loving Care) into my life

Growing up I was always told by my dad to “lose weight” “eat more fruit” “be more like so and so”... I came to terms with the fact that I would never be good enough, whatever that meant. I was far from confident and most definitely ate food for comfort. I absolutely hated my image and pictures were a painful reminder for me every time. My brother who I had been living with throughout my childhood also had joined the team and constantly made fun of my weight. There clearly wasn’t anything more amusing than to make me miserable.

It felt like no one was on my team, no one to cheer me on but I learned that you don’t need a number to prove you can do things. All I needed was motivation. I had my heart broken in high school as you do, I failed at numerous tests, even had some embarrassing moments here and there. All of these things I had experienced were making me stronger, letting me know it was okay to be effortlessly me. Being perfect is so last year and I was prepared to face the world in all it’s imperfections.

I’d spend pretty much all of my time pigging out on the sofa with a bag of crisps ready to watch the latest movies, or my most watched show at the time “Come dine with me”. It was easy to sit there and sulk in my own sorrows, it was easy to feel sorry for myself. You often think about what it would feel like to be happy and healthy but you somehow talk your way out of it, give yourself reasons why it would be impossible for someone like you. If procrastination was a sport I sure would be the champ.

I became obsessed with the idea that I had to be perfect, I went as far as starving myself for a good week one time, going on strike was a good idea at the time. I began to self harm because I couldn’t even stand being in my own skin. And even then I wasn’t satisfied. I couldn’t put my finger on how I would ever be happy with myself. Battling depression at the time, my brain always told me a packet of biscuits would solve the problem. Well it’s safe to say that sure didn’t help.

Being on social media at such a young age my mind was so easily convinced I wasn’t “right”. Or I had to fit into a certain category otherwise I would be banished away forever as punishment. A lot of content I found online encouraged that being super thin and dangerously underweight was seen to be “attractive” somehow. I remember buying a workout DVD by Charlie Brooks and going through it a hundred times before finally giving up. Instead of being into the actual workout, I was too caught up by the fact that Charlie was much more in shape than I was. And it was clear jealously got the best of me. I was too focused on the idea of getting there, I didn’t want to put in any time into the nitty gritty work.

At age 20 I now have started to go to the gym, do some rock climbing, try out yoga, eat more healthy and have finally realised every body is different. I don’t ever want to be the girl that starved or harmed herself. She was in a bad place. She was hurt inside and needed help. I’m putting my foot down and I’m heading towards my goal of having the REALISTIC dream body I want. I want to send an important message to all girls and boys, both young and older. Love the skin you are in, nothing is better than the YOU that is inside. There are different shapes and sizes and being different is what makes us unique. Your body is beautiful and I hope you also include some BLC in your life.