8 Tools to Break the Negativity Cycle

The more I experience and learn of PMDD, the more I think its treatment may actually be in the mind, not by altering it with prescription drugs like anti-depressants or even, necessarily, traditional “talk” therapies, but through retraining it to think different thoughts and take on new habits, to the extent we can, at any rate.

I’ve taken an interest to Positive Psychology as of late. Research within the field suggests that when positive emotional states, even subtle ones, are cultivated daily, it becomes easier to shift out of negative ones. The more positive emotions you are able to feel throughout any given day, the more likely you are to have positive connections and interactions, and the more connections and interactions you have, the more likely you are to feel positive emotions. It’s a self-generating cycle that YOU have the power to cultivate!

So, you may be thinking something like this: How am I supposed to cultivate a positive emotional state when I want to rip the heads off everyone in my path and can’t stop crying?

First things first. If you have PMDD, you’re going to have to start practicing when you’re in your good days. Little by little, the positivity will begin to have an impact even on the harder days until eventually, you’ll have fewer bad days. That’s my theory, anyway, and is slowly becoming my actual experience.

This is not to say that we always have control over our thoughts. We don’t! But we can learn to have better thoughts about those thoughts we can’t control, rather than blaming ourselves for having them. There’s a domino effect in positivity. Feeling good doesn’t just feel good in the moment. It has lasting effects on our hearts, vagus nerve (the body’s largest nerve connecting the brain and heart and other major organs of the body), and overall health. When we take the time to appreciate, connect, express gratitude, help others, and do things that we enjoy, we are living for our well-being.

Sadly, there is a similar effect in negativity. Negative states are just as harmful to the body as positive states are helpful. Research has pointed to the worsening of PMDD over time if left untreated and that it can even lead to chronic depression in menopause (if not earlier). Is this because of the spiraling nature of negativity? And if so, doesn’t it seem even more important that women with PMDD be given the tools necessary to cultivate more and more positive states when they are able?

So what, exactly, can you do on the good days in order to shape and even prolong positive states? Adopt one or more of the following practices to tip the scales towards feeling good and reap the benefits.

1. Learn Loving Kindness Meditation.

The idea is to contemplate on the things all beings have in common. We all want to be free of suffering. We all want to be happy and at peace. We all want good health. So we practice wishing these things for those we love, for those we know, for those that challenge us, for strangers, and even for ourselves. It isn’t that doing this practice will suddenly make the pain of the world disappear, but it is a proven way to retrain the way you think about yourself and others. Over time, you will discover that you’ve learned to be more compassionate simply as a result of practicing. Youtube can be a huge blessing here because there are lots of videos that teach and guide loving kindness meditation (we have several posted on the PMDD Life Support channel).

2. Practice Mindfulness.

This is such a mysterious word. What does it mean? That we’re thinking hard? Focused? I like to think of mindfulness as living in compact units. When you are washing dishes, you’re washing dishes. When you are playing with the dog, you’re playing with the dog. Maybe you have a horrible PMDD moment with a partner afterward. This could lead to a rotten evening of guilt or argument, but if you live mindfully, you understand that each moment has a start point and end point. When an activity is over, you consciously recognize it, energetically let it go, and move onto the next compact unit rather than dragging everything around with you all day like heavy baggage, allowing negative experiences to cross-contaminate everything else. Don’t worry about yesterday or later. Just live in the moment and give yourself the gift of space and new possibility between transitions. This is so key for those of us with PMDD. We are prone to get stuck in our moments. But we also know, better than most, that everything passes.

3. Recite Affirmations.

I’ll be honest. I always had a bit of trouble with this one because it seemed like such a fake thing to do. But there is a way to do it that feels more authentic. Create or adopt affirmations that resonate, not ones that are too far out of reach. For example, it might feel cheesy to say “Every day in every way, I’m feeling better and better!” Affirmations don’t have to rhyme, and they don’t have to be overly optimistic. Instead, you could try, “Just for today, I’m going to accept what happens.” Or think about something you always wanted to hear, such as “I’m proud of you,” and say it to yourself. Words have power. Even if we don’t have full faith in the reciting of them, the ears are receiving (or if you use them on post it notes, your eyes are). Let yourself receive what it is you need to hear to feel accepted, loved, and safe.

4. Start a Gratitude Practice.

It’s a way to savor the good things in your life and milk them for positive feelings. There are so many ways to do this, as simple or as elaborate as you desire. Start a journal and write in it everyday, or write down a couple of things every day on a piece of paper and put it in a jar that you can open at the end of six months or a year, post things you are grateful for on Facebook, or do this practice with a friend and text each other three things you appreciate at the end of every day. The point is to make it a regular practice so that it becomes a habit. It’ll retrain you to actually see more of all the good things and blessings in your life that might otherwise be easily overlooked.

5. Laugh.

Laughter really is good medicine. Who doesn’t love to laugh? Ok, sometimes it is just hard when we’re depressed or experiencing hormonal disconnect. But, if a funny movie or silly joke isn’t lifting your spirits, you can try listening to others laughing on YouTube or simply make yourself laugh as a practice. Yep, you don’t even have to feel like it. Just try it... you know, like we sometimes have to push ourselves to do those sit-ups or clean that bathroom. Break through the resistance, and you may just find yourself getting into it! I like to lie on my back with my eyes closed and just start with some “ha ha has” and “hee hee hees.” Sometimes, I wind up completely cracking myself up. Other times, not so much. It’s a practice, just like everything else. Again, we have some great humorous/laughing videos at our YouTube channel.

6. Create a Power Deck.

I love this idea. One of my recent mentors suggested that I think back in my life and recall 5-10 of the most important moments or pivotal points through which I triumphed or or experienced something wonderful. I was to then illustrate a set of cards that represented each of these memories and pull out these cards whenever I wanted to tap into the power of those moments. Maybe you had a special achievement such as a graduation or certification, or you sold something like a house or work of art or idea, or there was an important time you spoke up for yourself or did something incredibly brave. Maybe you overcame an illness or left a bad relationship for something better or made a big move. Reflect on the events in your life that you would consider powerful and make your own power deck. Then take it out and look at your cards when you need a reminder of your capabilities, strengths, and gifts.

7. Connect!

Positive social connections have been shown to positively impact health. Those of you who are on some of the PMDD forums on Facebook know just how valuable connecting with women going through the same thing can be. But there are definitely increased benefits to real-time sensory connections which platforms such as Facebook forums don’t provide. That’s one of the reasons why PMDD Life Support created the Facebook page. Maybe we’re scattered all over the globe, but we can at least sit in a virtual room together and share our voices and presence in real-time.

8. Stop judging yourself!

We need ALL our emotions. Positivity isn’t about plastering on a smile you don’t really feel and ignoring the sadness or grief that comes with a full life. It’s not about beating yourself up when you feel bad either when circumstances are not in our control. Instead, start catching those ugly thoughts that pull you down and start countering them for yourself like you would for your best friend. Speak to yourself lovingly and soothingly when you’re having a hard time. You can even give yourself a hug. I don’t mean this metaphorically; take those arms and wrap them around yourself and say, “Sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. I’m here for you.”

Anyone can shift focus from negative to positive states of being with practice. It isn’t rocket-science. It’s just common sense. But it’s not the quick-fix pill. It takes time through intent, discipline, and effort. The payoff, however, is worth it! What habits of mind or practices do you recommend to put yourself in a positive state?