satire
Workplace satire, comedy, and all things satirical in the Journal corporate culture digital space.
Omar's Diary for May 22
We have a Banksy Here in the UK we have an artist named "Banksy". If you are not familiar with his work it appears on blank walls around the country as if by magic overnight. No one has ever seen him, or indeed it could be her, work yet some of the images are very complex and defy the realms of what would be accepted as "normal" for the painting of murals. Some of Banksy's work has added a great deal of value to properties they appear on. Not that we are even thinking of having Omar Towers valued for sale.
Alan RussellPublished 2 years ago in JournalA British Holiday
British Vacation Recently, I went on vacation to the UK and wanted to get something to eat. I entered the restaurant and was seated and handed a leather-bound menu to review. The lunch section of the menu said Fish and Chips. After placing my order, I drank some water and reviewed the informational package provided to me by the travel agent.
Angie JohnsonPublished 2 years ago in Journal1-800-Do-Not-Call
It took all of three days of me working in an outbound call centre to realise it was not the job for me. In the beginning, it didn’t sound too bad: benefits, bonuses, vacation, weekends, two paid breaks and you can start tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t under any misconception – I knew that it wouldn’t be the perfect position for someone like me, with the monotony and the obscure shifts and the rebutting every objection. (For the record, trying to convince a potential client they are wrong is not superior customer service.) What I didn’t realise, at first, was that acting as a customer service representative in the telecommunications industry would me bring me so close to the brink of insanity that I would be able to literally feel my last marbles scurrying around the rapidly emptying expanse of my brain in search of something intellectually lucrative.
I am Not spitting my dummy out like an errant toddler...
. DEAR VOCAL MEDIA. I am Not spitting my dummy out like an errant toddler . Ok, I am not saying I am a "bad wrier"
Ross E Fortune LombardiPublished 2 years ago in JournalSleeping Beauty Never had a 9 to 5 or WiFi
As I get older, I totally understand why people choose sleep over socializing. We are just too damn tired and being an adult is really hard these days, especially if you’re a millennial. I literally have to think of 5 different things just for my skincare routine, so just imagine how exhausting it is to live life. I wanted to start this piece similarly to recipes online where you get the backstory of the recipe when all you want to know is if it was 1 teaspoon or 1 tablespoon of paprika. Luckily for you, this is a short story and ad free.
Ashley GilmorePublished 2 years ago in JournalData Log
For my eyes only, keep out. 4th September 20XX Dear Reader, Hello, my name is not important. My work is very classified, and the secrets I hold could change the fate of the world. I feel as though I am being monitored, that is why I am sending these transmissions. This is the only form of communication that I believe to be 100% free of prying eyes.
Dylan-Quinn HarrisPublished 2 years ago in JournalWhy "Words" is 2021 Word of the Year
It seemed like you could not go anywhere this year without seeing words everywhere. In fact you could not read or hear anything about anything all year without them. There were some things that you could see or feel without them, but really when you think about it you still needed word(s) to describe that you saw or felt them, so they probably were still needed in those instances too. In any event, words were freakin everywhere, and that is why I have designated “words” my word of the year.
Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago in JournalSanta Claus is a Paedophilic Capitalist
Don't you think that Santa has the habits of a pedophile? He is the only old guy in the world who's encouraged and allowed to watch your children. He watches them when they sleep, even when they are awake; he's not even trying to hide his perverted ways.
How To Cheat Fate For Fun and Profit
Let me put forth a scenario I'm fairly certain all of you have been in at some point: You are the ruler of a prosperous city state/kingdom/empire. Things are going well; your treasury's full, your borders are quiet, and your family is happy and growing.
James P.V. MillerPublished 2 years ago in Journal11 Things Your Dentist Doesn’t Want You to Know
Yes, we know you don’t like us, but there’s no reason to be nervous. You should be terror-stricken instead. Because tooth fairies are sadistic folk, and we are their minions set on earth to carry out their evil deeds.
Eshal RosePublished 3 years ago in JournalProduct "Addiction" By Design
Author's preface: This is a republication of a piece I wrote way back in 2017. Man, I was kind of an asshole back then. lol. In this case the target of my ire definitely deserved the thrashing. Bunch of jerks.
Everyday JunglistPublished 3 years ago in JournalCan We Stop Writing Articles with Titles That are Questions Now Please?
From: Is Activated Charcoal Messing with Your Medications? The writing article titles in the form of a question fad has followed a predictable trajectory. It started as an innocent though tired and cliched way to try and make listicles stand out from the crowd. Then came the juices, supplements, and claims that writing article titles in the form of a question detoxifies your body and makes your writing better.
Everyday JunglistPublished 3 years ago in Journal