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Santa Claus is a Paedophilic Capitalist

He is watching your kids whilst exploiting his workers

By Liam M Published 2 years ago 3 min read
Santa Claus is a Paedophilic Capitalist
Photo by hue12 photography on Unsplash

Don't you think that Santa has the habits of a pedophile?

He is the only old guy in the world who's encouraged and allowed to watch your children. He watches them when they sleep, even when they are awake; he's not even trying to hide his perverted ways.

When it comes to Santa, we let our children grind on his lap for "rewards", I'm sure he get the elves to take perverted pictures whilst you're not looking. Christmas songs leaves me wondering how we let this old pervert into our lives.

I mean, he empties his sack, creeps around houses any night, hides all year in his man cave watching our children sleeping, makes thousands of kids sit on his lap (giving me creepy uncle vibes), and then on Christmas his releases his "presents".

If the masses did not worship Santa, the police would be investigating his motives. An ordinary man dressed as Santa offering hugs and pictures he would get sent (back) to jail. However, real Santa receives a get out jail free card. Just because he's so kind and devotes all his time to making children happy. Another red flag in my book. I mean, what grown man devotes all his time to random children?

A perverted one.

On one hand, we tell our children to avoid talking to strangers, don't take presents or sweets off these people. On the other hand, we say to our children to hop on Santas lap and smile for a photo. If it's a magical old perverted man who watches them when they're sleeping, it's ok. Anyone else, it's a crime. But seriously, how the hell is he watching so many children? Does he have a camera set up similar to the Architect in the Matrix?

Source - Matrix Wiki

Source -Matrix WikiMaybe it's time to call the police and put Santa on a sex offenders list?

Santa is a capitalist

People often complain about Jess Bezos and the working conditions in his packing houses. Did anyone ever stop and think about the Christmas elves? I didn't think so. These poor little things work around the clock, and throughout the year-building crappy plastic toys for children throughout the world, that's a lot of toys. In the song Ten little Elves we learn that the elves spend their days "sewing, sawing, hammering, and wrapping" gifts. There's no mention of toilet breaks there. It's clear that the factory in the North Pole is run like a sweatshop. Santa is working these Elves to the bone on minimum wage with no employment benefits or union protection. It's modern-day slavery at its finest, and we approve the work of the elves as we celebrate Santa for his hard work and kindness.

Then we have the delivery drivers, A.K.A Reindeers. Does Santa feed them cocaine? There's no way in hell they can work throughout the night, travelling around the world from time zone to time zone without a break. There has to be some form of animal abuse here? Once again, we ignore the red flags flapping in our face and celebrate the capitalist paedophile. It's clear he's a terrible man. Let's not even get started on Mrs Claus; she's a housewife, manager, coordinator, chef all wrapped up in one. Does she get any thanks? No, she does not.


It's clear by now that Santa has his dirty finger in many pies. He owns and exploits his wife and employees; he watches children sleeping, avoids paying taxes and walks away as a hero, some would say an inspirational figure. Santa created capitalism and drove it into the mainstream. He will not share the limelight with anyone else. In typical fashion, the man is stealing the spotlight and oppressing the achievements of his wife and employees. We're not living in the 50s anymore, Mr Claus; it's 2021 equality is a thing. Pull your finger out and stop taking the glory, oh and stop watching my children.


About the Creator

Liam M

** I am trash **

Brit living in Germany, living the sober life. I grew up as a trash bag, but now I associate as a human.

Writing about life, sobriety, money and all things in between

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