A British Holiday

British Vacation

Recently, I went on vacation to the UK and wanted to get something to eat. I entered the restaurant and was seated and handed a leather-bound menu to review. The lunch section of the menu said Fish and Chips. After placing my order, I drank some water and reviewed the informational package provided to me by the travel agent.

I saw the server walking toward me with my order. I looked at the plate confused. I was thinking of delicious crispy potato chips, however, my meal came with a side of French Fries.

“Excuse me,” I said to the young man. “Where are the potato chips?”

He responded that the order was correct. “Chips are different here than in America. You should have asked for Crisps.” He asked if I needed anything else. I shook my head from side to side. I noticed that he also placed a cup of hot tea and a cookie on the table. I looked at the menu again to see the meal came with a Cuppa and a Biscuit.

As accidents usually happen to me, when I reach over my plate to put the menu down, I spilled the tea on my lap. I waved the server to come to the table so I could ask for additional napkins to clean myself up. He provided me with a few cloth napkins and directed me to the Loo to tend to my trousers. I slowly stood up from my chair and realized that the liquid seeped all the way through my pants, making me uncomfortable. The server politely turned his eyes away from me to prevent further embarrassment.

When I returned to the table, the polite young man extended his knowledge of the area and suggested that I go down to the local store to purchase new trousers and pants., which I later found out were new pants and underwear. How embarrassing.

Once I was done with my lunch, I walked towards the subway to get back to the apartment I was renting during my stay in the UK. I decided to have a cigarette while I walked along the sidewalk. A gentleman approached me.

“Excuse me. May I have a fag?”

I looked at him confused about his request.

“May I have one of your fags?” pointing to my cigarette.

“Oh! I apologize. I did not understand what you are asking.” We both giggled.

“Where are you heading? I could help you. What should I call you?

“Angela. I am going to take the subway back to my apartment.”

He smiled at me. “What part of America are you from?”

I felt myself blushing. “Florida” I replied.

“I do not mean to be cheeky, but I see this is your first holiday here” He smiled at me again.

“I guess it is obvious I am a tourist.”

“I’m George. I will accompany you to the Tube so you can get to your flat.”

“You don’t have to do that George. I have a map here.” I pulled it out to show him.

“I am not concerned about you getting lost on the pavements.” He was now laughing a little bit.

I agreed to him walking with me. Along the way, George made small talk about his favorite shows on the telly and his lorry was in the car park if I didn’t want to take the tube. I politely said I would rather take the subway home.

“Do you have a mobile?” He asked while placing his hand to his ear like he was holding a phone.

“Not with me now. I left it back in my bags.”

“If you would like, I could be your tourist guide. You can call me on my mobile and we can go to the local pub and get pissed”

“I am not sure what you mean.”

Amused, he smiled bigger. “I mean have a few drinks as you Americans say.”

“I would like that. You have been most kind.”

“Quite good. You seem to be knackered so we can go another day”

It must have been extremely noticeable that I was unsure of what he was saying. I just nodded and looked down as we continued to walk. I wasn’t looking around me and almost ran into a woman pushing her baby stroller.

“Watch out for the pram,” George said as he pulled my arm to move me to the left.

“I apologize but I am extremely tired and not a good companion right now.”

“It’s fine. Here we are.”

“Thank you, George, for your kindness. I would like to get pissed with you tomorrow. Here is my phone number.” I scribble on the back of the receipt from the restaurant.

“My pleasure. Enjoy your kip.”

I waved goodbye and entered the subway station.

We can easily tell that someone is not from our area. We can pick up on accents or words that are unfamiliar to us. A good example is this funny little story about an American visiting the UK.