The Sacred Vows
- I Will ~ Probably -
– Marital Memories ~ We make our own Beds –
Disclosure: Please note this was written entirely by a 'Male' as if you didn't already know – Hmm – Husbands do make concessions to keep the peace. Of course a 'counter' story could be written by almost any wife - I'm grabbing my ankles expecting to receive an onslaught of them.
Certainly there are 'Wife' Jokes from every generation. Some come to mind such as Henny Youngman's "Take my Wife, Please." Many T.V. shows in the 50's used the premise such as "Father knows best" and others that most of the current generations haven't been exposed to (although some are shown these days during all of the strikes). But, certainly not the sensitive-offensive remarks of Archie Bunker's "Those were the Days." Yes, those were the Days.
There are scrolls of jokes that focus on this - especially the age-old Groomsman's Tease-Toast speech. I choose to give my own slant to this; for better or worse.
I remember saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I will never do that again." As I turned away and said to myself, "Probably." Come-on, that's poking fun-funny. As a self described 'Humble' Author this is the kind of 'Goop' I like to write about.
Plagiarizing my own work in 'Pick your Battles' - There are so many occasions when your best action is no action. When I knew my wife had her mind set on a course of action, I learned that any points I state to illustrate my opinion would be a lost cause; a cause of irritation! I bit my tongue, and yes, my tongue was often raw from frequent biting. No sense in trying to dissuade her - Strike a chord with any of you? After so many years I certainly knew the wisdom of not being trapped by choosing obvious battle-trap-ploys. Let it go ~ Carry on to the high road!
There are everyday instances where it's easier to just skip-it rather than spin-up avoidable unnecessary angst. Would she have been more attentive if I had mentioned these things to her? Not a chance - no winners here!
Till Death do us Part - I 'Do' and I 'Won't' Forever - I Love you and God help me if I Ever Don't.
— Skinny Jeans Disaster — "Honey do I look fat in these?" An age old dodge-it-if-you-can question.
If the 'Gene-Jeans' fit ~ Go-along-to-Get along:
Lucky Lar - "Wife may not have us in for Poker because she's using the dining room table for her stuff." He suggested we setup a card table on the tennis court at his townhouse. It may just be easier that way but we'd have to check the weather report going into a breezy winter - could blow the winning hand away; even if the player swore he had 'The' card! Nah – show-um-if-you have um.
Mart - Avoids driving Wife's $100k huge Range Rover since anytime he opens the doors cans/bottles/goop crashes out. I've witnessed this many times. Mart, shaking his shoulders, Quote: "You know how Mary is."
Lon - Can't drive wife's 'lectric car since he doesn't really know how to {He has 3 Gorgeous Pristine Classic cars} and it so annoys her to have to re-adjust the seat; who needs that!
Ed - Out of work actor and non-stop sarcastic-staccato comedian: Thinking outside the box, he couldn't be bothered, "What’s the difference between Outlaws and In-laws?"
Guy - Wife said, "If 2 year old 'Olivia' wants to finger paint her face - don't bother her - it will stifle her future creativity." He took this so seriously that he looked up stats that Child Creativity' is 97% cultivated at her life-stage. So not only did he encourage this but treated her to a fabulous new palette of 'edible' paint.
— Just thought this "Probably" would bring a smile? —
Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California
'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -
About the Creator
Jay Kantor
Retired: Write for "The Kids Someday"
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? THIS or THAT ? I am a noted Stick-Figure-Artist, who can't even stay within the lines of Paint-By-Numbers. This fabulous artist said that the inspiration for her gorgeous watercolor was when she asked her friends their 'CHOICE' of favorite childhood treats. Some said "Hostess-Twinkies—Others Helms-Truck Pastries," hearing the tweet of the Bakery trucks coming down their street, from their stomachs even before their ears.
By Jay Kantor7 months ago in Humor
Rave is the road to the grave
Hey brother no matter what I do you I'll always be my brother , no matter what you do where you been what you've been through you'll always be my brother but doesn't subtract the wrongs I do to you espionage what I did after that scandal you didn't deserve that I'm sorry but I've found my peace in staying away from you guys cause I bring more harm than good that day I'd have not mind if I died cause before I gathered the courage to do what I did I had imagined myself dead in different ways but yours was just different the most phenomena part about our movie and still stands to me is when you said DON'T MOVE!!! after you told me to flee from you at the gate I went home happy that I had done what bothered me for some much something had to die in me so that I can feel that freedom as much as it did you harm but also I'm happy that old lady that troubled you left too I can say a lot had been going on in my mind ever since I slept in the streets I can confess that I'm not my self most of the time but you tried to be a good brother for that I respect you but most of all you're human too so I shouldn't expect perfection aswell but I don't want to feel pity or sorry for me this is the life o chose I'll be fine and live you're committed to God that is good cause I won't do the explanation of what really happens to me just pray that when you die you see God so that he can tell you how he had made this to happen this way I'm not Judas that I betrayed you and the family but I can tell you this,, before you invited me to come take over from you friend when you were not around I had a vision of a bullet but I didn't know what it meant then when you shot at me then I remembered what I had been seeing for the past one week that's why I'm not ashamed or guilty anymore I believe God had planned that for me and if you don't see any good in what had happened that day then I'd say pray again, if I trace back on how my brother Solomon had been chased at work I felt guilty too but not anyone cause I believe God just saved him from a terrible accident that would have happened plus the shame of having an affair with the female Chinese superiors and so I'm not saying all this to justify my action but also I want you to see the good it had brought but I still stand guilty of my shame and my wrongs I'm not Afraid of a person I had become I was more afraid of the person I was cause I'd have not gone anyway being that limited with beliefs and systems I felt like I was always dreaming ,,,,has life stands everytime I want to prove to you that I'm perfect I'm mess up big and the hardest part of life you'll forever deal with is forgiveness is a continuous process as long as I still live you'll forever forgive me I'm sorry brother and I'll forgive you too ,,,, I have two questions for you 1 what would you choose to live forever and never die with same life just like a normal person or to die tomorrow??? 2 whose the most dangerous man the one who has found purpose in life, the person who has found something to live for or the person who's not afraid to die???
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Comments (42)
Congratulations on your TS! A most worthy choice! Brilliant. Bahahaha! I loved, loved this. Your illustration. Your delivery (I’m imagining you in a spoken word poetry face off. I think you’d win - but perhaps a gender bias may intervene - but truly Jay who could take offence?) Indeed it may be an opportunity for ‘wife insight?’ Your perspective hits the mark and you guys all must listen! But hey perhaps it’s time to speak up? 😉 I’ve subscribed. Unfortunately my insights have stopped working but I would have check all of the boxes. I’m really looking forward to reading more if your work 😊 Pauline 🌸
Best action is no action - right-o!! And many times on both sides it is better to not have the last word!! That is the best advice for the husband.. pick the battles. Instagram has hilarious ideas olwith Couples. Congratulations late on TA.
Driving a car jam packed full of old cans and bottles so she can (eventually) collect the five-cent deposits to pay for that 100K car. Excuse me while I fly my private jet to the Save the Planet conference, ha.
Loved this! Congrats on your top story.
It certainly brought a smile, Jay. You certainly know how to reflect life in all its cadences. I guess the genders will always have trouble understanding each other!! ha ha. Great work.
Congrats on top story!
Thrice divorced, I am living proof of Nietzsche's supposition that philosophers should never marry, and precisely for the reason you state above: even if I bit off my tongue, I would need to go on making my point until I was finished! It would become a gory game of charades! Of course, my teeth never came close to biting down on my wagging tongue, and, in the end, I've come to realize it's all for the better...
This is so good, Jay! I loved the little snapshots showcasing the range of idiosyncrasies from different couples! (Also, the messy car one hits a little too close to home for me 😅)
The pick your own battles part made me smile!
Hey, J-Bud! Haven't heard much out of you in a while, so I thought I'd check on ya. How's things?
Love it ❤️
Too funny. I'm so glad this got a top story. I think sometimes we forget to laugh at ourselves and lose the friendships in our relationships. This is a great reminder. Congrats, my friend
Jay, fun and entertaining read. Definitely smiled. Congratulations on the Top Story!!!
OK, I'm smiling...
Interesting takes and memorable anecdotes. I will always remember this line with a giggle: "I Love you and God help me if I Ever Don't." A unique top story!
🤣🤣🤣 Yes, this raises a smile!! Your friends sound hilarious. Love it! You need to tell my husband the no-go-jeans rule. I once asked him if my bum looked big in my jeans. His answer: No (good start) Your bum is big no matter what jeans. Yeah... and we remain married. It's a good job he is funny!
Lol. Thisis great. Congrats on the TS.
Kathy: I just love reading Jay's stories. He celebrates life and finds the humor in its foibles. Whether he is writing for the next generation or just to entertain us, his stories are always true reflections of his experiences and perspectives. He has found his voice and is generous enough to share it with us.
Congratulations!!!!
Terrilynn: SO fitting that you get another Top Story on your birthday J-Bud. One of your “poking-fun” funniest. Keep um coming!
Nice work I loved it ❤️🤗 I hope my stories get to the top one day 😪💔
almost forgot: congratulations on Top Story!
I love it. I'm still smiling, especially, since my husband doesn't have such quick wit. He's the more serious of us two.
Congratulations on your Top Story.
Yessir, I got a few good chuckles out of this, but don't tell Pam. Congratulations on Top Story, J-Bud!