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The Sacred Vows

- I Will ~ Probably -

By Jay KantorPublished 5 months ago Updated 5 months ago 3 min read
Top Story - October 2023
50
Original 'Schtick' Art © Kantor Kreations-Kolections

– Marital Memories ~ We make our own Beds –

Disclosure: Please note this was written entirely by a 'Male' as if you didn't already know – Hmm – Husbands do make concessions to keep the peace. Of course a 'counter' story could be written by almost any wife - I'm grabbing my ankles expecting to receive an onslaught of them.

Certainly there are 'Wife' Jokes from every generation. Some come to mind such as Henny Youngman's "Take my Wife, Please." Many T.V. shows in the 50's used the premise such as "Father knows best" and others that most of the current generations haven't been exposed to (although some are shown these days during all of the strikes). But, certainly not the sensitive-offensive remarks of Archie Bunker's "Those were the Days." Yes, those were the Days.

There are scrolls of jokes that focus on this - especially the age-old Groomsman's Tease-Toast speech. I choose to give my own slant to this; for better or worse.

I remember saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I will never do that again." As I turned away and said to myself, "Probably." Come-on, that's poking fun-funny. As a self described 'Humble' Author this is the kind of 'Goop' I like to write about.

Plagiarizing my own work in 'Pick your Battles' - There are so many occasions when your best action is no action. When I knew my wife had her mind set on a course of action, I learned that any points I state to illustrate my opinion would be a lost cause; a cause of irritation! I bit my tongue, and yes, my tongue was often raw from frequent biting. No sense in trying to dissuade her - Strike a chord with any of you? After so many years I certainly knew the wisdom of not being trapped by choosing obvious battle-trap-ploys. Let it go ~ Carry on to the high road!

There are everyday instances where it's easier to just skip-it rather than spin-up avoidable unnecessary angst. Would she have been more attentive if I had mentioned these things to her? Not a chance - no winners here!

Till Death do us Part - I 'Do' and I 'Won't' Forever - I Love you and God help me if I Ever Don't.

— Skinny Jeans Disaster — "Honey do I look fat in these?" An age old dodge-it-if-you-can question.

If the 'Gene-Jeans' fit ~ Go-along-to-Get along:

Lucky Lar - "Wife may not have us in for Poker because she's using the dining room table for her stuff." He suggested we setup a card table on the tennis court at his townhouse. It may just be easier that way but we'd have to check the weather report going into a breezy winter - could blow the winning hand away; even if the player swore he had 'The' card! Nah – show-um-if-you have um.

Mart - Avoids driving Wife's $100k huge Range Rover since anytime he opens the doors cans/bottles/goop crashes out. I've witnessed this many times. Mart, shaking his shoulders, Quote: "You know how Mary is."

Lon - Can't drive wife's 'lectric car since he doesn't really know how to {He has 3 Gorgeous Pristine Classic cars} and it so annoys her to have to re-adjust the seat; who needs that!

Ed - Out of work actor and non-stop sarcastic-staccato comedian: Thinking outside the box, he couldn't be bothered, "What’s the difference between Outlaws and In-laws?"

Guy - Wife said, "If 2 year old 'Olivia' wants to finger paint her face - don't bother her - it will stifle her future creativity." He took this so seriously that he looked up stats that Child Creativity' is 97% cultivated at her life-stage. So not only did he encourage this but treated her to a fabulous new palette of 'edible' paint.

— Just thought this "Probably" would bring a smile? —

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -

Family
50

About the Creator

Jay Kantor

Retired: Write for "The Kids Someday"

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

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Comments (40)

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  • Vivian R McInerny3 months ago

    Driving a car jam packed full of old cans and bottles so she can (eventually) collect the five-cent deposits to pay for that 100K car. Excuse me while I fly my private jet to the Save the Planet conference, ha.

  • Xine Segalas3 months ago

    Loved this! Congrats on your top story.

  • Elaine Sihera3 months ago

    It certainly brought a smile, Jay. You certainly know how to reflect life in all its cadences. I guess the genders will always have trouble understanding each other!! ha ha. Great work.

  • Tressa Rose4 months ago

    Congrats on top story!

  • C. Rommial Butler4 months ago

    Thrice divorced, I am living proof of Nietzsche's supposition that philosophers should never marry, and precisely for the reason you state above: even if I bit off my tongue, I would need to go on making my point until I was finished! It would become a gory game of charades! Of course, my teeth never came close to biting down on my wagging tongue, and, in the end, I've come to realize it's all for the better...

  • Hannah E. Aaron4 months ago

    This is so good, Jay! I loved the little snapshots showcasing the range of idiosyncrasies from different couples! (Also, the messy car one hits a little too close to home for me 😅)

  • Manisha Dhalani4 months ago

    The pick your own battles part made me smile!

  • Dana Crandell4 months ago

    Hey, J-Bud! Haven't heard much out of you in a while, so I thought I'd check on ya. How's things?

  • StoryholicFinds5 months ago

    Love it ❤️

  • Too funny. I'm so glad this got a top story. I think sometimes we forget to laugh at ourselves and lose the friendships in our relationships. This is a great reminder. Congrats, my friend

  • Babs Iverson5 months ago

    Jay, fun and entertaining read. Definitely smiled. Congratulations on the Top Story!!!

  • Kendall Defoe 5 months ago

    OK, I'm smiling...

  • The Dani Writer5 months ago

    Interesting takes and memorable anecdotes. I will always remember this line with a giggle: "I Love you and God help me if I Ever Don't." A unique top story!

  • Caroline Jane5 months ago

    🤣🤣🤣 Yes, this raises a smile!! Your friends sound hilarious. Love it! You need to tell my husband the no-go-jeans rule. I once asked him if my bum looked big in my jeans. His answer: No (good start) Your bum is big no matter what jeans. Yeah... and we remain married. It's a good job he is funny!

  • Cathy holmes5 months ago

    Lol. Thisis great. Congrats on the TS.

  • Kathy: I just love reading Jay's stories. He celebrates life and finds the humor in its foibles. Whether he is writing for the next generation or just to entertain us, his stories are always true reflections of his experiences and perspectives. He has found his voice and is generous enough to share it with us.

  • Shirley Belk5 months ago

    Congratulations!!!!

  • Terrilynn: SO fitting that you get another Top Story on your birthday J-Bud. One of your “poking-fun” funniest. Keep um coming!

  • Onah chidera5 months ago

    Nice work I loved it ❤️🤗 I hope my stories get to the top one day 😪💔

  • Margaret Brennan5 months ago

    almost forgot: congratulations on Top Story!

  • Margaret Brennan5 months ago

    I love it. I'm still smiling, especially, since my husband doesn't have such quick wit. He's the more serious of us two.

  • World777 Admin5 months ago

    Congratulations on your Top Story.

  • Dana Crandell5 months ago

    Yessir, I got a few good chuckles out of this, but don't tell Pam. Congratulations on Top Story, J-Bud!

  • Joe Patterson5 months ago

    Well written. Congratulations on your top story.

  • Leslie Writes5 months ago

    Lol my husband is guilty of some of these offenses you described as something a wife would do. It’s just hard to live with someone else and deal with all their idiosyncrasies, but worth it if you love them! Great story, Jay!

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