The Sacred Vows

– Marital Memories ~ We make our own Beds –

Disclosure: Please note this was written entirely by a 'Male' as if you didn't already know – Hmm – Husbands do make concessions to keep the peace. Of course a 'counter' story could be written by almost any wife - I'm grabbing my ankles expecting to receive an onslaught of them.

Certainly there are 'Wife' Jokes from every generation. Some come to mind such as Henny Youngman's "Take my Wife, Please." Many T.V. shows in the 50's used the premise such as "Father knows best" and others that most of the current generations haven't been exposed to (although some are shown these days during all of the strikes). But, certainly not the sensitive-offensive remarks of Archie Bunker's "Those were the Days." Yes, those were the Days.

There are scrolls of jokes that focus on this - especially the age-old Groomsman's Tease-Toast speech. I choose to give my own slant to this; for better or worse.

I remember saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, and I will never do that again." As I turned away and said to myself, "Probably." Come-on, that's poking fun-funny. As a self described 'Humble' Author this is the kind of 'Goop' I like to write about.

Plagiarizing my own work in 'Pick your Battles' - There are so many occasions when your best action is no action. When I knew my wife had her mind set on a course of action, I learned that any points I state to illustrate my opinion would be a lost cause; a cause of irritation! I bit my tongue, and yes, my tongue was often raw from frequent biting. No sense in trying to dissuade her - Strike a chord with any of you? After so many years I certainly knew the wisdom of not being trapped by choosing obvious battle-trap-ploys. Let it go ~ Carry on to the high road!

There are everyday instances where it's easier to just skip-it rather than spin-up avoidable unnecessary angst. Would she have been more attentive if I had mentioned these things to her? Not a chance - no winners here!

Till Death do us Part - I 'Do' and I 'Won't' Forever - I Love you and God help me if I Ever Don't.

— Skinny Jeans Disaster — "Honey do I look fat in these?" An age old dodge-it-if-you-can question.

If the 'Gene-Jeans' fit ~ Go-along-to-Get along:

Lucky Lar - "Wife may not have us in for Poker because she's using the dining room table for her stuff." He suggested we setup a card table on the tennis court at his townhouse. It may just be easier that way but we'd have to check the weather report going into a breezy winter - could blow the winning hand away; even if the player swore he had 'The' card! Nah – show-um-if-you have um.

Mart - Avoids driving Wife's $100k huge Range Rover since anytime he opens the doors cans/bottles/goop crashes out. I've witnessed this many times. Mart, shaking his shoulders, Quote: "You know how Mary is."

Lon - Can't drive wife's 'lectric car since he doesn't really know how to {He has 3 Gorgeous Pristine Classic cars} and it so annoys her to have to re-adjust the seat; who needs that!

Ed - Out of work actor and non-stop sarcastic-staccato comedian: Thinking outside the box, he couldn't be bothered, "What’s the difference between Outlaws and In-laws?"

Guy - Wife said, "If 2 year old 'Olivia' wants to finger paint her face - don't bother her - it will stifle her future creativity." He took this so seriously that he looked up stats that Child Creativity' is 97% cultivated at her life-stage. So not only did he encourage this but treated her to a fabulous new palette of 'edible' paint.

— Just thought this "Probably" would bring a smile? —

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -