If I Had A Magic Lamp

If we were to talk probability, there's a universe out there where Aladdin exists, and of course, if that were true (the main character such as I am) I would be him. Which is apt, since I've always fancied myself both a street-rat and a handsome prince.

In that inevitable but distant reality, I'd be blessed with a magic carpet and a lamp, and subsequent genie that would grant me three wishes. Now I'm not gonna go and plead the honorouble hero case for clicks and likes, so one of those wishes may or may not be to grant the genie his freedom. Depends on how chill he is really: I'm not being tricked into freeing some dark malevolant force. Id only have to hunt him down and put him back in his box in the end, wouldn't I? And that'd be rather troublesome when we factor in my amount of children, stress-levels, and writing schedule. I also reckon the food in Agrabah would trigger my IBS something rotten.

But if I were to have three wishes, I honestly think I'd fuck them up somehow. I'd be torn between the most shallow and selfish wishes as you'd expect, like money and immortality, but I'd always know they were shallow and selfish.

Then on the other hand there'd be the artifically wholesome ones usually uttered by false-faced celebrities and beauty queens. You know the ones: world peace, ending famine, a home for all. The issue with this is I'd probably still end up living a life I'm not entirely happy with and kicking myself over it.

Is that convoluted? Probably. Still selfish? Absolutely. But I dont care.

Honestly I'd rather just not have the wishes at all. "I wish, great Genie, that you'd fuck off back into your cave." Or I'd grab a KFC variety bucket or some shit, maybe a rug-doctor for the thousand year old, moth-ridden, carpet I'd be flying home on.

I think immortality and a constantly updating library of every book to have ever been written or is yet to be written would be pretty high up there for consideration, though. I could happily spend my life, without aches or pains or the fear of time running out, buried in books. And you know, still have time for sex and family and all that good stuff. I realise how "Joe from You" that sounds, but hey, if the shoe fits.

And knowing me I'd just Dorian Gray the whole thing and lose myself in a life of high-society, debauchery, and a fuck-ton of drug and weird sex shit. I mean if my mortal body can handle some of the nights I've had, god only knows what kind of rabbit hole I'd dive down If I didn't have to worry about sticking the landing.

So we're up to immortality and an ever-evolving library. That leaves me with one. I don't think world peace can be a thing even with all the magic in the universe... or even that our world, and our race, could survive such a reality without turning guns on ourselves. I'd say the end of famine but that would probably only work to worsen the conflicts and issues we already do face. I understand how that may sound, and I'm no economist, but come on... Don't you know people?

So what's left, really? free the genie? Dangerous. Money? Ultimately pointless. A world without technology? A dungeons & dragons / Lord of The Rings / Skyrim style fantasy world? I'll let you decide. Tell me what you think the final wish should be in the comments, and we'll discuss!

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