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- Heartsy -

— Choose? —

By Jay KantorPublished about a month ago 4 min read
Top Story - October 2023
Author © Jay Kantor ~ Original illustration © Terrilynn Cook

TYPE ~ You Just Know ~

If people were to admit it to be so, most aren't even honest with themselves, what really attracts those to the opposite sex or neutral sex for that matter? Do we have a 'Choice' – Our heads rarely listen to our hearts! What comes 'naturally' – what does the heart want? It will tell you what to do. But 'scent' is what attracts (pheromones) me most; the aroma. If I were to say blue eyed blond, you'd think I was just an eye man; nothing more. Some say personality and others have 'lists' of attraction-explanations. When being 'honest' interested parties 1st have to get past initial physical-attraction. I believe most people have preferences when it comes to physical attributes, but oftentimes other qualities override these considerations, of course.

Observation: Every culture has 'generational' statements to make. Example: Beatles' Floppy Haircuts to the 'Zoot Suit' barrio flamboyant-fashion craze from the 40's. Of late Gen-Couples are made-up of less traditional 'statements' along with same sex marriages, with little emphasizes on Race-Creed (Ideology) – Peer Influences.

Even Mom's upbringing-teachings-urgings aren't heeded much; tats-piercings, et cetera – Ah, the cross Mom has to bear. Dear Abby would most likely say, these 'couplings' seem to be working for most? Not a lot of judgments going on of late; live and let live. Odd to me though why diverse-cultures seem to prefer to still 'stick together' in their own neighborhoods, due to language and cultural differences, never to reach out; the melting pot seems to keep getting even thinner!

From food to music genre we all have 'tastes' - who's right? Like apples and oranges, each is good, but different.

Do you know a couple that everyone thinks shouldn't be together, but somehow, they make it work? Have you thought someone was just your 'TYPE' but it turned out that what initially attracted you became a source of irritation?

As an admitted 'noted' shallow man that may be attracted to Girl-Parts before anything else. While in my 'Yute that M.O. never really worked out for me in the long run — Superficial!

Darcy, lifetime friend, featured fabulous artist and 'Quipster' in my stories said, Quote: "Have to wonder how in the world you met such 'Mercenary' women! Geesh!" I know I've always been a slow learner when it comes to the opposite sex, often just easier to go along-to get along.

Lessons Learned Dating Standouts: Pitfalls you'd want to avoid. Can you relate?

Little things mean a lot: Step High! 1st date with Maureen I called her "Mo" {1} time and she was so turned off by that-that was it –'No-Mo-Mo'– With perplexed heart this must be Transferred-Aggression?

I once had a Girlfriend who each time we attended any type of function, whether business or personal, would leave me, without even a nod, and visit with everyone in the room but me! Talk about a turn-off in the 'importance-priority' department — We didn't last long.

With another woman, we would go on weekend trips—she wouldn't 'allow' me to put the top down; no messed hair-here! Often on these 'week-enders' when out to eat she wouldn't want the same food as me; no compromise. I'd just drop her off at a café of her choice and go to my favorite Greasy-Spoon, then pick her up later. Yes, unimaginable! I'm embarrassed to admit this. No 'compatibility' there. But while @ the 'Greasy-Spoon' I met someone; a Negative turned Positive {+/-}

Oh, this same woman never picked up a check—for anything—even as a gesture. And she earned a huge income; thought the 'Man' was obligated. Am I the only one who may have endured this 'archaic' regime? No financial biggie to me. But, obviously it bothered me a lot. I never said anything, since, as a Doctor, if she didn't notice or care I would have wasted my words! Brains & Beauty — No 'Grace.' She did me a favor, when I met my wife, she was the exact opposite — Takes one to know one!

— Short-Sighted —

On a 1st date a nice woman, very obviously, sat-on both of her hands throughout dinner. I didn't say anything, but the next day I drove across town to a well known beauty shop. I then gave my credit card number to the Manager and asked her to phone this woman to ask her to come in for a 'manicure' treat.

—NOT to embarrass her - I just wanted to be a gentleman—

She went into the salon the next day. While at the shop she gathered all sorts of hair products from the shelves. So, the Manager called me to ask if it was ok to put an extra $200 on my credit card?

I told the Manager to go ahead and I approved the charge. And, told her, "Cheap-Enough 1st Date," Manager laughed and agreed. Said that, "She deals with this sort of thing all of the time...that's why she called me for approval." Kudos to the way the Manager personally handled this. I wrote a lovely 'Yelp' review on behalf of her Salon. Google sent me a Thank You showing 1000+ hits — Apparently others could relate: This kind of thing ever happen to you?

We didn't have a 2nd date. Girl wasn't happy about that! Passing on kindness doesn't always work out.

— NEXT —

Certainly this generation has a more efficient way of making contacts through the dating-sites that will at least give a glimpse of what may be in store minus the 'Scent.' Our generation met through setups especially from Mom: "Have I got a Girl for you!"

"Grace" ~ I Choose You ~

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California

'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -


About the Creator

Jay Kantor

Retired: Write for "The Kids Someday"

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Comments (41)

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  • Poppy14 days ago

    This was such an enjoyable read! I did Psychology in school and thought learning about the theories of Attraction (or whatever they're called, it left my head straight after the exam haha) was one of the most interesting parts. Personally I've found it's mostly the people I least expect to be attracted to or the ones that are least like my 'ideal guy' that I end up drawn to. Sometimes that's good and sometimes not so good😂 That was very observant of you to realise about the manicure and you've certainly had some interesting experiences😂

  • Elaine Sihera14 days ago

    I just love the various examples you gave in this, Jay. Some made me laugh out loud as I have had similar experiences. Like the guy I met online when I was 52 and he was 46, both of us diabetic, but he was obsessed with a public display of his, especially when taking his injections. Anyway, we clicked in other ways and spent over 7 hours together on the first date. He wanted to see me again, but I politely refused, being increasingly unhappy with his arrogant approach to his medication. He felt a bit deflated by my perceived 'rejection' and quickly sent me an email to say that I "was too old for him, anyway". ha ha. Obviously took him over 7 hours to realise that fact!!! :) You are such a good writer, Jay, and congrats on the top story. Well deserved! As you said: "Do you know a couple that everyone thinks shouldn't be together, but somehow, they make it work? Have you thought someone was just your 'TYPE' but it turned out that what initially attracted you became a source of irritation?" Yep, two boyfriends fitted those modes perfectly. Current boyfriend is like chalk and cheese together, but a magical relationship.

  • Onah chidera18 days ago

    Nice project love to get to the top one day

  • Tressa Rose18 days ago

    Super relatable!

  • Novel Allen28 days ago

    Hey, how ya doing. Just saying hi and how are you.

  • Shanon Normanabout a month ago

    Just came to check on you. This is an interesting write and you make a lot of neat points, yet they only confirm what I believe already... That is, attraction is not the same thing as commitment. Attraction is like a hot day - we don't get to choose the temperature. Commitment is having a coat just in case it's a cold day. That's the difference.

  • "Grace" is one of my wife's favorite words (& right up there with "love" as far as defining my theology). If our son had been born a girl, her name would have been Katherine Grace. A lot of people thought Sandra & I would never last. Of course, a lot of folks thought there were a lot of things I'd never be able to do or at which I'd be any good. (Seminary, for one. But my favorite was always when someone underestimated me on the field or court, which happened frequently due to my diminutive size & nerdy disposition.) As for initial attractions tending to be physical, it's usually the first impression we have of others (unless we're blind). Our eyes tend to range further than our ears, minds & hearts. I'm always intrigued when I recall how someone who I thought was gorgeous from a distance becomes nothing to me once I get to know them, but someone to whom I'd never given a second thought becomes the most beautiful & amazing person once I become acquainted with them.

  • RM Stocktonabout a month ago

    Oh my, this made me laugh thinking back to some of my own similar experiences. What a fun read! Jay, next time I am in the LA area, we have gotta get together for a drink and a laugh!

  • Alex H Mittelman about a month ago

    Congrats and great story!

  • Dana Crandellabout a month ago

    Have I said congratulations yet? Congratulations, J-bud!

  • Jay Kantor (Author)about a month ago

    Kathy: Jay, what a delight to read your unique perspective on relationships. Love the stories of your dating life. Thanks for sharing your experiences with your readers.

  • Onah chideraabout a month ago

    Nice work ❤️❤️ I’ve never gotten a top story or a tip before but I’m happy for you😊💕

  • Novel Allenabout a month ago

    You are an enigma wrapped in a riddle Jay. Your heart is in the right place, though somewhere in there I sense muted undertones of learned experiences overlapping with the close up under the microscope of the real Jay. I will need a microscope to get to the bottom of it all. Kudos on TS.

  • Naveedabout a month ago

    Congratulations on your Top Story

  • Rachel Deemingabout a month ago

    Came back to say congrats on TS, JB! Well deserved! One of my favourites from you!

  • Caroline Janeabout a month ago

    Your writing style is such fun, and your honest, anecdotal shares are refreshing. I have been with my partner for thirty years, so I have zero dating experience to share. We are opposites in every way, though. A love of music and laughter is our gel - we are both funny as %^£$. Ha! (and modest too!!)

  • Lamar Wigginsabout a month ago

    Dr. J...Wait that name was taken by a basketball player. Mr Kantor, you pointed out so many things we think about and experience. I especially liked this line: "Have you thought someone was just your 'TYPE' but it turned out that what initially attracted you became a source of irritation?" 😅 So true!!! Thanks for sharing, bud and congrats! L-bud

  • Kageno Hoshinoabout a month ago

    This hits hard

  • Carol Townendabout a month ago

    Well done Jay! This is fantastic.

  • StoryholicFindsabout a month ago

    Congrats and I love it! ❤️❤️❤️

  • The Invisible Writerabout a month ago

    Loved that last line and the journey this took us on. Dating is hard. I've gotten it wrong more than I got it right, but the last time I did pretty good.

  • Naomi Goldabout a month ago

    This is such an interesting topic to me! I strongly believe that trauma influences lust, and that lust is an unhealthy form of attraction. I used to be a pretty lusty lady, and I was magnetically drawn to dysfunctional people who reminded me of my fucked up family. Then I healed my trauma, and suddenly I didn’t feel lust. I’ve been celibate for nearly 5 years now. I never meet people I’m attracted to anymore. I think God has someone special for me, but I won’t meet them until I’m ready. I’ve been learning how to love myself. It doesn’t happen overnight. There’s also something wonderful about the spinster lifestyle. I don’t think I’ll be experiencing it forever, but I’m kinda enjoying this phase. Living my life for myself, never having to consider how any of my choices impact another person. It’s fun. I do think I’m a relationship person, though. Like you, scent plays a huge role for me. And voice. And names. I have to like what someone goes by, how they sound when they speak, and how they smell after physical activity. I don’t care as much about looks or have a “type.” I think people who say it’s about personality are full of it. Because we all have personality traits that are less than stellar to deal with. Nobody’s perfect. At the end of the day, we’re animals. We experience physical attraction in our bodies, and then we decide what flaws we can overlook and which are dealbreakers. I just haven’t felt that attraction in so long. I guess it’s not my season. Great Top Story, Jay. Congrats. 🥂

  • Kelly Sibley about a month ago

    Wooo Hoooo! I knew it was a good piece the moment the first two lines caught my attention. (And capturing my attention, ensuring my rebellious brain reads a whole article is damn hard!) Very, very well done Jay!!! Yayaya!

  • Awesome 👍 and Congratulations on your Top Story🥳🎉💯🌟♥️

  • Babs Iversonabout a month ago

    Entertaining read!!! Love this!!!💕❤️❤️ Congratulations on Top Story too!!!

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