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Impulse shopping recovery mission

By Judey Kalchik Published 14 days ago Updated 14 days ago 3 min read
Top Story - November 2023
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Yep this is a Temu thing. An impulse thing. A Get Myself In The Spirit thing.

It’s a camisole jumpsuit, because it would look amazing on my body type maybe if I am lucky and everyone squints and I stay either standing up straight or laying down flat, and sometimes mama buys stuff when she should be sleeping.

Material is a nice weight, I think it will fit, I’m about ready to try it on because no one is home to see and I don’t need help with zippers or anything…and then I realize I will be the only one to read the words.

Because it was cut and sewn upside down.

The fabric is not defective. The pattern pieces- which I suspect resemble the outline of a kindergartner of an exceptional size traced with a thick crayon on brown butcher paper- were applied top to bottom instead of bottom to top.

(I would have said against the warp or some sewingish thing- but this mostly-poly-kinda spandex doesn’t have a natural fiber anywhere about it- so it was simple cutting error.

Great news! Full refund- and no need to send it back.

Note: before we proceed further- I went back to the site (ok I look at the site fifteen times a day, so I looked at it while I was scrolling) and noticed something strange.

All of the photos? They show it the same way. And the photos of people giving glowing reviews? Upside down.

Only two people said variations of ‘hey! This isn’t right!’ Both of them said they would wear it anyway.

That is not me. Maybe I’m already too insecure with my midnight impulse festivity fuel, but if I wear it it has to be readable.

I am not an infidel.

But. What the heck am I gonna do with it?

What indeed! I have a plan.

Sometimes mama watches endless how-to videos when she should be sleeping.

(Pro Tip: I am trying to hold off buying quick dry spackle, a heat gun, and a micro drill. If you wanna be a DIY guru, all of these things are must-haves. You are welcome.)

But none off that stuff is needed for my Island of Misfit Jumpsuits, which is a blessing

If it’s possible - and it must be because I saw four videos on the internet- to cut the crotch out of tights to make a crop top, then I can make this into a long sleeved blouse.

I’m pretty sure. I think.

Wait- are you wondering about the crotch-turned neckline crop top? I’ll give you a minute to comprehend that, because it’s really slick in a Black Swan falls on Hard Times kind of way.

It you don’t have tights you can do more fiber surgery and turn a perfectly respectable pair of sweat pants into a dubious open front cardigan. There’s a video for that, too.

But that’s not for me. No. That’s CRAZY! The only reason I’m thinking of cutting up this of the moment piece of sartorial elegance is because I won’t wear a gaudy, cherry red, printed on unbreathable and unsuited for the Michigan chill fabric that is obviously upside down.

No. Not me.

Instead I’m gonna even up the wispy strings meant to anchor the thing over my chestal area, and cut it as straight as possible without the use of rulers or yardsticks, or tape measures. Carefree and organic- that’s me!

Then, spreading the legs wide- and there’s a lot of fabric so that’ll be easy, I’ll cut the seam in the crotch open- a cut line of three to six inches (video directions varied).

Then! I’ll burrow my head up through the neckline and birth my pate out through the crotch, then jam my arms through the legs.

It will be amazing. I’m pretty sure. Pictures to be added if it works.


Ps- has anyone make a crop top like that?Did you make a video? Any advice?

Well, even if you didn’t make a crop top out of tight or sweat pants- your advice and comments are welcomed!


About the Creator

Judey Kalchik

It's my time to find and use my voice.

Poetry, short stories, memories, and a lot of things I think and wish I'd known a long time ago.

You can also find me on Medium

And please follow me on Threads, too!

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Comments (23)

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  • The Dani Writer11 days ago

    Quite an original topic choice with a humourous touch of Judey. Well done Top Story-an!

  • Margaret Brennan12 days ago

    congratulations on TS. I'm continuing to hesitate buying anything on temu. Never know what you're going to get.

  • Mr Ahsan12 days ago

    Congratulations on top story. Waiting for the next. Keep sharing your valuable content.

  • Tiffany Gordon 12 days ago

    I've made a top like this a few times. I've noticed that leggings and flaired legged pants work best. Velour, polyester and cotton worked well. Silk and denim, not so much. Spandex may work ok. Here is a vid on how I did mine. U just folded my pants in half, then cut a half circle of material from the crotch area. Here is a vid that shows what I did. I hope it helps. You may want 2 practice on an old pair of pants that you don't mind making a mistake on first.

  • Karen Cave12 days ago

    This was really funny - well done! (Also love the Temu addiction reference, as I also browse it a lot and thought it was a 'me' thing) !

  • Cheryl E Preston12 days ago

    I eagerly await your pictures to see what transpired;. Good luck.

  • Jay Kantor12 days ago

    'j' ~ You always seem to Spandex-Stretch-Crotch-Me - and ALL of your - Top to Bottom - Lingerie issues ~ - Fun - 'j'

  • Gerald Holmes12 days ago

    Congrats on a well deserved Top Story

  • Cathy holmes13 days ago

    Congrats on the TS.

  • Donna Fox (HKB)13 days ago

    I laughed way too hard at this!! I am so sorry!!! I love you ingenuity and unwillingness to give up on this outfit!! I personally would have given up and just used the item as a set of PJ's lol Congrats on Top Story Judey!

  • Dana Crandell13 days ago

    Back to say congratulations!

  • Hannah Moore13 days ago

    Video it!

  • Elaine Sihera13 days ago

    That is so funny, Judey. Thanks for brightening my day! :)

  • Dana Crandell14 days ago

    That's the best laugh I've had today! I can't wait to see how it turns out!

  • J. S. Wade14 days ago

    oy! Oh! oy! Sure I can help! Trust me! You will end up with a nice scarf and handkerchief for your husband sport coat. It will make a nice match set. lol

  • Gerald Holmes14 days ago

    Lol. At first I thought the photo was upside down. This was very funny.

  • Cathy holmes14 days ago

    Lol. Good luck. I have a a sewing machine here, and no idea how to use it. So no advice coming from me.

  • Hahahahahahahahahahahhahaah you're killing me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Unfortunately, I'm so sorry, I don't know how to help you!

  • Absolutely hilarious😆 😂 … I was in fits of laughter… I could imagine going to such lengths to salvage the situation… & I loathe sewing.

  • Hope Martin14 days ago

    I’m crying! With laughter. This is gonna be amazing. I can’t wait for the pictures.

  • Mr Ahsan14 days ago

    Good work. I appreciate you. keep going up

  • Babs Iverson14 days ago

    OMG! Have you considered turning the fabric into holiday placemats?

  • My first thought with the picture was, "Why is it upside down? Do they only want the wearer to feel festive & be able to read it?" Temu gives refunds without returns? Wish didn't which is why I've avoided Temu like the plague. Can't wait to see the picture!

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