DI-Why?

Yep this is a Temu thing. An impulse thing. A Get Myself In The Spirit thing.

It’s a camisole jumpsuit, because it would look amazing on my body type maybe if I am lucky and everyone squints and I stay either standing up straight or laying down flat, and sometimes mama buys stuff when she should be sleeping.

Material is a nice weight, I think it will fit, I’m about ready to try it on because no one is home to see and I don’t need help with zippers or anything…and then I realize I will be the only one to read the words.

Because it was cut and sewn upside down.

The fabric is not defective. The pattern pieces- which I suspect resemble the outline of a kindergartner of an exceptional size traced with a thick crayon on brown butcher paper- were applied top to bottom instead of bottom to top.

(I would have said against the warp or some sewingish thing- but this mostly-poly-kinda spandex doesn’t have a natural fiber anywhere about it- so it was simple cutting error.

Great news! Full refund- and no need to send it back.

Note: before we proceed further- I went back to the site (ok I look at the site fifteen times a day, so I looked at it while I was scrolling) and noticed something strange.

All of the photos? They show it the same way. And the photos of people giving glowing reviews? Upside down.

Only two people said variations of ‘hey! This isn’t right!’ Both of them said they would wear it anyway.

That is not me. Maybe I’m already too insecure with my midnight impulse festivity fuel, but if I wear it it has to be readable.

I am not an infidel.

But. What the heck am I gonna do with it?

What indeed! I have a plan.

Sometimes mama watches endless how-to videos when she should be sleeping.

(Pro Tip: I am trying to hold off buying quick dry spackle, a heat gun, and a micro drill. If you wanna be a DIY guru, all of these things are must-haves. You are welcome.)

But none off that stuff is needed for my Island of Misfit Jumpsuits, which is a blessing

If it’s possible - and it must be because I saw four videos on the internet- to cut the crotch out of tights to make a crop top, then I can make this into a long sleeved blouse.

I’m pretty sure. I think.

Wait- are you wondering about the crotch-turned neckline crop top? I’ll give you a minute to comprehend that, because it’s really slick in a Black Swan falls on Hard Times kind of way.

It you don’t have tights you can do more fiber surgery and turn a perfectly respectable pair of sweat pants into a dubious open front cardigan. There’s a video for that, too.

But that’s not for me. No. That’s CRAZY! The only reason I’m thinking of cutting up this of the moment piece of sartorial elegance is because I won’t wear a gaudy, cherry red, printed on unbreathable and unsuited for the Michigan chill fabric that is obviously upside down.

No. Not me.

Instead I’m gonna even up the wispy strings meant to anchor the thing over my chestal area, and cut it as straight as possible without the use of rulers or yardsticks, or tape measures. Carefree and organic- that’s me!

Then, spreading the legs wide- and there’s a lot of fabric so that’ll be easy, I’ll cut the seam in the crotch open- a cut line of three to six inches (video directions varied).

Then! I’ll burrow my head up through the neckline and birth my pate out through the crotch, then jam my arms through the legs.

It will be amazing. I’m pretty sure. Pictures to be added if it works.

———

Ps- has anyone make a crop top like that?Did you make a video? Any advice?

Well, even if you didn’t make a crop top out of tight or sweat pants- your advice and comments are welcomed!