Dementia is no Laughing Matter... Or is it?

Welcome to my wacky world…

Dementia is a very serious illness. It's not something to be taken lightly. Being the 24/7 caregiver of someone with dementia is a tough job all the way around. But it does have it's humorous side.

I care for my mom. She is in the advanced stages of dementia and some of the things this little 86-year-old lady says are hilarious.

One afternoon she was napping when she briefly woke up and lifted her little head and shouted out in her loud and demanding voice, "Give me a beer and a cigarette." It was so out of character to hear such a thing coming from my tiny mom that I just began cracking up.

I have a bath aid come to the house three times a week to bathe my mom. This one particular morning my mom was going to get a bed bath. But she was not cooperating. She was kicking and punching the bath aid. The bath aid managed to get my mom's gown off her. That’s when my mom said in a loud gruff voice, "Give me back my dress you bi*ch." I was shocked and the bath aid just looked at me and we both started laughing.

One afternoon my mom and I were talking. She was talking about how the dogs were acting up and it was causing a lot of problems. (Just as a note we do not have any dogs). So, I asked her, "What are we going to do about the dogs?" She quite decisively said, "Kill them." I was shocked. So shocked that I couldn't do anything else but laugh.

My friend Brian came over to have lunch. My mom, Brian, and I were sitting at the table together eating pizza. I gave my mom a small slice of pizza, one that she could handle. She took a good-sized bite and began chewing. With her mouth still full my mom looked toward Brian (mind you my mom is 100% blind). Brian was not sure what to expect. Then suddenly, the unexpected happened and my mom spit her pizza out at Brian. He was mortified she spit the pizza all over his shirt.

But wait, there's more!!! I ran upstairs to the bathroom to grab a washcloth so Brian could clean his shirt. While I was up there my dentist called to let me know we had to reschedule my appointment. When I made it back down (6 - 7 minutes later) my mom was sitting with no top on letting everything hang out. All I could say was, "Brian, meet my mom the nudist."

My mom often has a hard time coming up with the right words when speaking. This makes it a challenge for me to figure out.

The following is a list of things she's asked and what she meant:

Chicken wire = Kleenex

Hot rod = Toothpick

Flag = Toilet Paper

Apron = Kleenex

Dryer = Toilet Paper

Bobby pin = Toothpick

Cigarette = Toothpick

Cereal = Toilet Paper

Riviera Material - Kleenex

Sandpaper - Kleenex

Separate Menu - Blanket

Black Rose = Kleenex

The one that had me confused the most was Black Rose. My mom said, "Rick, give me a black rose." I was stumped. Her body language wasn't giving me any clues. So, I asked her, "What are you going to do with the black rose?" She said she wanted it for her nose. That's when I knew that she was asking for a kleenex.

I thought chicken wire and sandpaper were interesting. Those are both rough materials. I can only imagine blowing my nose with either one. Wouldn't that be something if I actually did give her a piece of sandpaper.