Why I Am Going To Start Making Him Wait For Sex

“They all say the same thing...”

“I can love you better than he did.” “He wasn’t doing it right, but I promise you I'm nothing like him.”

Why do men think that telling me how good he is in bed, or how much better he’ll be than the last guy I was with is going to be a Trey Songz panty Droppa. It’s not! it’s boring, it's old, and honestly unattractive to hear out of a guy's mouth.

I currently have not had sex with very many people. I’m not going to tell my body count. But let’s just say it’s under five. I lost my virginity to a great guy who helped me to explore my body in a great way. Then I had sex with another guy who helped me to realize sex without the connection is a waste of my time. He gave me a “You got to be quicker than that orgasm” or a complicated way to say no orgasm at all.

But that’s not why I realized making “him” wait was the key for me. After many failed attempts at trying to have sex with guys that were obviously just having sex with me to get off. And me not getting off like they were. I asked myself this question... “Why am I having sex if I’m not enjoying it? It took a while of talking to myself in my room to realize that I was having sex because my expectation was that I would enjoy it.

Somehow, before the sex happened, I was aroused, turned on and persuaded that I would have a very good time by the end of the night. But when we got busy in the sheets the absolute opposite is what I got. If I am not getting an orgasm and he’s not trying to be my boyfriend, and he won’t even bother to take me on a date. What am I really getting out of this interaction? I knew what I wanted to get. But what was stopping me from getting it?

Then my mind said...

“What if you make him wait for the cookie!” And then the devil on my shoulder said. “If you make him wait this is what you're going to get...”

1. He pretends he is faithful the whole time until he gets the cookie from you

2. He constantly begs and pressures you to give up the cookie

3. He leaves you after so long because living without the cookie is not something he’s willing to do. That is if he ever waited in the first place.

So, I was scared. Obviously for good reason. I figured I was going to be single for the rest of my life, and that without giving a guy something he wants. I would never be able to convince him I’m worthy of much more. Which is honestly F’d up now that I think about it.

Why is my worth to him rooted in whether or not I give him sex sooner than later? I must have bumped my head, because when did making a guy wait for the cookie become a bad thing? And why did I stop doing it? And did I ever do it to begin with? I can’t remember.

I guess I assumed I'd find what I was looking for while looking in all the wrong places.

My conclusion: When I give into having sex with a guy sooner than I personally want to, or before knowing him well enough by my standards, and or before assessing whether he is actually deserving. I am doing no good deed to me. In the end he’s going to get what he wants and I'm going to be left with nothing.

Making him wait allows me to set boundaries on whether he is someone I trust, care for, and truly want to make love to. Not to mention it helps me weed out the guys who just want to talk me out my draws aka underwear.

Casual sex is perfectly great if that’s what you want, and you are able to receive pleasure from it. But I've never been that person. I’m looking for someone who cares not only about my vagina but about me.

I like sex just as much as the next person. But this whole no orgasm thing is really not the way to my heart.