Things to Consider Before Marriage

Before you walk through the door of marriage there are some key discussions and consideration you must have with yourself and your partner as well. Marriage is not a carnival that you go and have fun in and go back home when the fun is over. No! It’s a lifetime commitment through the good days and the bad days. It doesn’t have an expiry date except unless death. I doubt you’d want a divorce after two months of marriage, that is rather distasteful. 

Therefore, there are some important conversations you must have to ensure your readiness and ascertain a compatible understanding between yourselves before walking down the aisle.

If you don’t want to play a game of chance you must consider these things below.

1. Blood Compatibilities.

Knowing your Genotypes and blood group is very important to note before you say yes to your significant other. If you don’t know your genotype you should visit a good hospital and get it checked. This is supposed to be a pre-relationship discussion. It would save you both and your offspring the stress of managing a sickle cell disease.

When AA marries AA, there is no reason for panic because it’s the best compactible genotype combination and it saves your offspring the stress of worrying about finding a match. When AA marries AS, it’s okay. If you are not lucky enough you could have all AS kids and it could limit their choices of a life partner. When AS marries AS, it’s not only risky, it’s not an option. No matter how crazy in love you both are, you would have to make the toughest decision of your lives and go separate ways except you don’t want to have children.

When AS marries SS, its something worse than a tragedy because you both would only bear children that would come to the world to suffer. It’s a taboo. Nonetheless, there is only one permanent cure to the sickle cell disease and it’s a bone marrow transplant. The good thing is that it is permanent, the bad thing is that it has some risks and it's very expensive and getting a compactible donor who would be able to share the risks with you is extremely difficult. Why go through the hassle when prior knowledge can save you the stress?

Prevention is better than any possible cure. The blood group incompatibility is also one that should be treated with caution if you don’t want to battle with miscarriages, still births and post natal complications. It’s advisable that couple with a different rhesus factor (positive and negative) should not marry. This is because Rh factor incompatibility could lead to jaundice and death in children.

There is mainly no issue with first pregnancy, but the antibodies of the mother’s plasma would fight against and could damage the body cells of the offspring in subsequent pregnancies. Although a medical procedure and medications can be done to protect the child, but it’s however better to be knowledgeable of it. General blood test like HIV/AIDS, Syphilis, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C should be done accordingly.

2. Your Religion and beliefs.

This might seem trivial but it’s necessary. People’s beliefs form a greater part of their values and could determine what they see as right or wrong. You both should consider your religious backgrounds and the things you believe in. It could be paying of tithe or even difference in religions.

You might have to consider the compromises that may have to take place if you both must get married. It could be switching of religions or respecting each other’s beliefs. 

How many times do you have to pray a day? Do’s and don’t during fasting periods. It could even be as life threatening as refusal to take on a blood transfusion for your kid when needed because of religious beliefs. Consider religious trips and celebrations. Talk squarely about it and leave no stone unturned.

3. Your Family acceptance and obligations.

Marriage is a union that is not only between the two couples but the family as well. Find out if your significant other’s family is accepted by yours traditionally. Just as some royal family members cannot marry a person from a low class or average family. You don’t want to shed tears so you have to find out if there is any hindrance to your relationship family wise. 

Let them tell you what you should expect coming into their family. Family laws, practices, holidays shouldn’t be left out. If the family members do not accept you or like you, especially the father or mother, it is better you call it a quit to prevent future chaos.

4. Your Financial capabilities.

Money is a defense. it makes the world go round. You need to consider your current financial situation and make sure you are financially ready as possible before you pop the question or say yes to them. You both should discuss what the financial responsibilities would look like. 

Do you want to run a joint account or not? Equal or one party financially responsibility? What is the sharing going to be like? Mortgages and insurance? Extended and nuclear family allowance and upkeep. Travel expenses and Vacay bills. Touch all the financial aspects because it’s one of the lead cause if marital conflicts.

5. Child bearing and parenting.

How many children do you want to have? The intervals of childbearing? Prevention methods you both want to adopt? The effect of children on your jobs and how you can manage them? The ifs of childbearing, what if you can’t have your own children, are you open to adoption, Fertility treatment or surrogacy? Are children a necessity in your relationship? Does the sex of a child matter? Able to manage a child with a disability? The kind of school you want for your child, hospital insurance and babysitting fares, must be considered in cases where both parties are working class individuals.

6. Household responsibilities.

Are the chores the woman’s responsibility? You need to know if it’s a joint responsibility or not? Are you open to house helps like cooks and cleaners? Would you love if your partner assists you with the chores or not? Is cooking and cleaning a big deal for you or nah. Who has what responsibility? Doing dishes, doing laundry, trimming the flowers etc.

7. Sex life

This is a very important topic couples like to keep aside for whatever reason. It should not be so. Your sex life is as important as the food you eat daily. Talk to your significant other. Tell them how you like things to go down in the other room. Do you like it slowly or you would prefer some energy? Tell them your turn ons. Tell them the flip to your switch.

Be free as possible to tell them how many rounds is maximum for you a day. Tell them your sexual fantasies and the adventures you’d love to take on to have a better sexual experience. Would you explore sex enhancers, sex toys, pornography or an open sexual relationship or nah? What do you define as cheating? Any sexual deficiencies like early ejaculations or dry vagina? Would you explore a third party in your matrimonial bed for pleasure as in the case of a threesome? Whatever it is, talk about it and see what your partner thinks about them.

8. Importance of your career.

Find out if your career has a tendency to take you both apart? Let your partner know how much you value your occupation and the extent you can go to keep it even if it means travel to another country without them. Will childbearing cause you to loose your shape that might make you loose your job or do you have a limited maternity offer at your work place? Consider these.

9. Your personal traditions.

Your personal traditions shouldn’t be left out in your consideration. Tell them the things you do to often and you cannot afford to miss. It could be Saturday parties, football matches, morning coffee, late night snacks, birthday photoshoots, comedy nights and so on. Do not leave out any details. Tell them how you’d feel if it doesn’t happen or it is taken for granted.

10. Pets or nah.

Do you like pets? How many pets do you want to have? Who provides the needs for the pets? Talk about mating your pets. Are they for sale or keeps only? Daily care and pet allowance should not be left out.

11. Your love language and turn ons.

Talk about things that you think makes you happy the most. Do you like words of affirmation or you love gifts or acts of service. Tell them what makes you happy fastest, tell them things they can do to make you enjoy your alone time with them and vice versa. Consider your love language squarely.

12. Private or public love life.

Consider your social media obsession when it comes to relationships. Would you want the happenings in your relationship posted on social media? The couple goals fantasy, would you love to wow your friends with fun videos of your time together or would you rather keep it private? Would you prefer outdoor outings and events or rather romantic date nights and closed outings?

13. Third party preferences.

You should also consider how you’d prefer your conflicts to be handled, are you up for counseling or family meetings? Will friends be better? Or would you rather settle it between yourselves?

14. Health and wellness.

Consider your allergies, eating patterns, health abnormalities like ulcer, epilepsy, asthma and so on. Tell your partner your health triggers. You should also have to consider family health histories patterns like diabetes, cancer, eye defects etc. Don’t withhold any information from your partner as it would save you future setbacks. Would you prefer lights on when you sleep at night or switched off? 

Consider your dietary style like vegetarian diets or non-vegetarian diets. Do you both want an exercise schedule or not? Is Yoga an option? Consider clinic visits and routine treatment or drugs your partner may be advised to take as a result of their health challenges in future terms.

15. Your deal breakers.

What is a no-no for you? There are things we can’t tolerate at all; these are deal breakers. You have to consider these things careful and note that of your partner. It could be cheating or disrespect, laziness or even as minute as absent mindedness during conversations. You have to talk to your partner about this and note their deal breakers. This would help to abate future conflicts that could be easily avoided.

16. Residence.

What part of the city are we going to live in and why? Do you have to move out of the country with them after you get married or would you rather have your partner live with your parents? Ask for their reason and consider if you can cope with it and vice versa. Consider the inconveniences that may come with them.

Note that while all these listed above are important to note before going ahead with your marriage, there are other things you may just have to observe by yourself. Not every one will open up fully so you must be watchful.

Thank you for reading.

Let’s see your thoughts in the comments session.