8 Attributes of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

A stable and healthy relationship is built on the foundation of openness, love, trust, mutual respect and understanding.

An emotionally unavailable partner however would burrow hole in this foundation. It is not easy to identify an emotionally unavailable partner because you might be so clouded with love at the first phase of the relationship and you make excuses for them because of what you feel. You may notice weird distancing, reduced attention, affection and impassivity as it proceeds.

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

 Emotional unavailability has a lot to do with lacking preference for, or inability to perceive emotions and feelings of a loved one. It is an act of being irresponsive to someone else feelings or the inability to communicate their own emotions. An emotionally unavailable man is evasive and is unable to open up fully and express his heart's intents to his spouse even if he loves her so much. It's like a camouflage. There is a wall built somewhere in between.

Here are some signs of an emotionally unavailable partner;

1. They shy away from meaningful conversations.

You would notice that whenever you bring up a serious conversation they make jokes about it or change the topic. They are mostly interested in the reality of the relationship; they’d never want you to start anticipating the future with them. 

2. They prefer physical intimacy to emotional intimacy.

He/she acts nicely towards you when they want something from you. When you plan a vacation they tend to care more towards you especially when it involves sex and intimacy and when it’s done they shut you out emotionally. The calls and care reduces because they’ve gotten what they want. They’d prefer material things and 'the fun’ than doing things with you that would strengthen your emotional attachment to them. It’s just like friends with benefits and nothing more.

3. They cancel plans or make plans not minding how you feel.

An emotionally unavailable partner is insensitive and doesn’t care about your feelings. They are selfish and always want things to go their own way. The always cancel plans especially when they know it’s not going to favor them. They’d give silly excuses and ask you to give them time to make up for their absence.

4. They see you as emotionally weak.

They are insensitive to your feelings. Harsh rejections are what they dissipate. They never want to hear you out because their mind is already made up. When you try to speak up about your feelings, they see you as vulnerable and emotionally unfit.

5. They are defensive.

One glaring sign of an emotionally unavailable partner is that they are very defensive. They are above mistakes and errors. They blame you for everything even their own flaws. They play the victim to ensure you apologize to them. They would never accept what is right especially when they are at the losing end.

6. They are perfectionist and fault finders.

A partner who is never satisfied about your attitudes and exalts themselves are emotionally insensitive. They make you feel like you need them more than they need you and they can flip the switch anytime if you can’t meet their terms. They tend to act so experienced and treat you like an amateur.

7. They never give you the details about their past and give you restrictions.

They ensure that you never get information about their past relationships, family and friends. They always point out to things that see as private for them only. They are security conscious even when they are around you. They hide important details from you.

8. Avoids conflict.

They don’t have the time to get into messy fights and unnecessary arguments. An emotionally unavailable person ghosts you before you even start acting up. When you are nagging, they take the back seat. They could allow you express yourself but they’d just keep you shut. They want peace because they don’t think your feelings matter. They leave you to deal with it. Alone!