Theistic Proportions

Screaming to the sky I knelt down and uttered, "Dear God, he who created this forsaken life, answer me."

"What are you doing?" The voice droned.

"I am praying to him who created me to try and maybe find some semblance of peace and hope. Maybe I'll get a response and I'll have meaning of my miserable existence."

"What do you think life is about?"

The question was definitely strange but not one that catches your imagination by surprise. My mind began the way I had been trained to whenever it was prompted.

"To fulfill the will of my God and savior and live out their wishes in the Earthly realm."

"What the fuck kind of life is that? That sounds like a miserable mistake of an existence. That means then that every second that you are doing something for yourself you are a sacrilegious zealot that is disobeying his own self proclaimed beliefs and requirements. Why can't you have your own wishes?"

"My wishes are not my own. God has given me an option or Satan has given me the other. I must choose and show my worth to God."

"Do you..." there was a pause of ponder, "feel like you have a purpose?"

"Well, my purpose is not for me to know."

"And why not?"

"Because it is God's will to know true purpose."

"And not tell you?"

"Well, I need to find my own purpose."

"How can you find purpose when you are given choices between two equally valid options."

"But they are not 'equally valid'. One is predestined for me and the other is completely wrong."

"Well, if one side is predestined, then, is there even a choice."

"Well, of course there is."

"But that removes the aspect of predestination. You simply are fulfilling the idea that is expected of you. You don't get to choose, by that logic."

"But that isn't what life is about."

"How would you know. You said that you do not your own purpose."

"Yes, but..." I paused, carefully choosing my words. "I have been told what life is about."

"By whom?"

"Those who have come before me."

"How do you know if they were telling the truth?"

"Because, why would they lie to me?"

"In order to get you to do the things that they wish for you."

"But, that's not right."

"You know, those who are on the wrong side of history always believe themselves to be the good guys. Even if they are acting as terrible human beings, they still think of themselves as the heroes. They could be killing people, torturing them, psychologically destroying them, anything they do, they view as something that they are supposed to do. A predestined right side to history. What makes you any different? You are still a human. You are still the same species. You are the same as the worst people in history. You aren't better. You must learn your own truth. Rather than relying on what you have been told by others. Think for yourself. Never allow others to control you. That is your problem. Be a good person for the sake of being good rather than achieving grounding from others. Be your own person."

"But, I don't feel like I should be."

"And why is that?"

"Because it doesn't feel right. I have always been told what to do and where to go and even what to believe in my entire life. I have never been allowed to think for myself or be my own person. I don't feel that I should make ripples or attack society, merely go with the flow and blend in. Look at those who go against society, they have everyone they know turn their backs against them. Simply by causing a change in the status quo, they are attacked and demeaned as human beings."

"And do you think that is right?"

"I don't know what to think. Is there a right? Is there a wrong?"

"Well, think for yourself."

"But what if I am discarded from society?"

"Then so be it. Be your own person. Society, conformity; they are for the weak and logical who don't want to be their own individuals. Those who are in fear of being a real person and truing living for once. Rather, they accept to be no one and survive on basics and accept what they are told. Why should you do anything anyone ever says?"

"Well, aren't you telling me to do something by saying don't follow what people say?"

-well, I guess you could look at it that way if you wanted-