The Wipe

I was out with my girlfriend at a bar in Hollywood drinking and celebrating. It was a “whatever” night for us to celebrate that night. Suddenly, I had the urge to take a number-two (yes a big ol’ dump), and I really didn’t want to do it because pinching a loaf at a public place, especially a bar, is just embarrassing. However, this loaf was coming out like a bat out of Hell.

Anyway, I took my chances and headed for the bathroom, hoping the bathroom had stalls. With luck, I would only have to let out a long-lasting fart.

I got to my life-saving destination, and it felt like it was almost too late. Yes, it was about to blow.

No one was there as I practically ran in! I rushed for the only stall in the bathroom. As I closed the door on the stall, it shot out like an M-80.

I got lucky! It was only gas! Very loud, but that was better than what I thought it was!

I sat there letting out the rest of the rabid gas attack. It was like shooting out a giant bubble stuck in my lower gut. It was quite a refreshing feeling despite the fact that it came with a raunchy stench. For me, it was not that bad since it was my own brand. I stood up so I could begin to urinate and hide the fact that I was taking a dump. I quickly picked up my pants and let a heavy stream out. As I was doing that, some dude came up next to the stall, standing by the urinal like he was taking a pee.

What I saw next was very appalling!

While I was acting like a peeping Tom to make sure the guy wasn’t staring into my stall for letting out a huge smelly bomb, I saw something that disgusted me! It was like poetic justice at his expense since I was the one who thought that I committed something disgusting that night. In a sense, it was also my punishment for spying like a nervous Nellie—lesson learned.

This dude wiped his ass standing up while pretending to be urinating by the urinal!

I swear!

I could witness this vile act because I saw it through the cracks, between the panels that make up the bathroom stall. This guy had a party wiping his ass, because, when he threw that “crap” away, it was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen in a urinal! Of course, I saw this when the guy left, and I followed when I exited my mustard-gas-filled stall.

The paper inside the urinal were paper towels too! The dude grabbed them from the dispenser. Must of been rough!

Anyway, I thought to myself, “This guy just wiped his ass at the urinal without any shame!”—Sorry, but I had to share this really awkward moment.

What if someone would have walked into the restroom while he was wiping away? This was a tiny restroom! I guess he couldn’t wait, and I had beaten him to the punch as far as going into the stall. This poor bastard had sharted badly and needed to wipe hard!

When I went out into the restaurant, the guy, I recognized him because of the silly shirt he was wearing that shouted through the panels while I took my piss and witnessed restroom taboo, was just laughing along with his company like he had not done anything repugnant at all, especially something nasty like wiping his shitty, dirty ass in the bathroom right next to the stall!

I kept gagging at the thought whenever I saw him put his hand on his friends’ shoulders here and there. Later that night, like a curse, I could picture the wipe in my head over and over again right after I almost up-chucked a Jamison shot that my girlfriend bought me.

By Bazooka Teaches