The 'Secret' To Amazing Relationships

It's a no-brainer how important relationships are to your happiness.

Relationships are connected to some of our strongest emotions,” says Thomas Oppong, founder of Alltopstartups. He goes on to say that when relationships are positive, we feel happy, content, and calm. If these relationships are negative, as in if they bring out the worst in us or are non-existent, we tend to, “feel, anxious, depressed, and lonely,” Oppong says.

According to writer and editor Jessica Stillman of Inc. Com, this idea holds true for both personal and professional relationships. “Studies show that warm relationships positively influence jobs satisfaction and income,” Stillman says.

Stillman explains that good friends are the best stress buster available and that relationships make the world go ‘round.

Expert in the field of marital stability, John Gottman, states that happiness in relationships can be boiled down to one simple strategy: “Make sure your relationship follows the 5:1 ratio.”

Through extensive research, Gottman was able to predict – with 90 percent accuracy – which couples would divorce. The Gottman Institute website explains that the difference between the unhappy and happy couple is dependent on the balance between their positive and negative interactions during conflict.

The ‘magic ratio’ presented here means that for every negative interaction a couple has during a conflict, there needs to be five or more positive interactions. This should constitute a stable and happy marriage.

Stillman says that these don’t need to be big or over-the-top interactions. Something as simple as rolling your eyes or raising your voice counts as a negative interaction. She states that a quick joke, listening intently, or squeezing your partner’s hand can help in defusing tension. These little things count as positive interactions.

How big or small these gestures are is irrelevant. The important thing is the frequency with which they are done. And being aware of each other is the key here. You can do things like calling instead of texting, or telling them something you like about them. And when either you or your other half maybe be getting frustrated, try switching the focus by doing something thoughtful.

Not only does this work with intimate relationships, but you can also carry the 5:1 ratio into the workplace too.

An article by Beth Bratkovic explains that if you are in a leadership role, you are responsible for the environment your team works in. Is the environment one of excitement? Joy? Is it one of dread? This all depends on your mood. In an article by Stillman Inc. Com confirms this by stating that employees will perform better for a boss who offers additional warm and helpful interactions to balance out any negative comments.

I believe that all relationships need the 5:1 ratio as a baseline for how each other interacts.

Gottman lists 4 characteristics that can be damaging to your relationships called The Four Horsemen:

-Defensive: victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame

-Criticism: verbally attacking personality and character

-Contempt: attacking sense of self with an intent to insult or abuse

-Stonewalling: withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance and separation

Positive and negative reactions aren't necessarily proportional to one another. For instance, degrading someone in front of their family or friends, then offering that person a box of chocolates to make up for it. This does not work at all. One positive interaction does not totally wash over one negative interaction completely.

Here are some tips from certified Gottman Therapist, Kari Rusnak, to have more positive interactions:

-Be an active listener by asking questions and making eye contact

-Share appreciation by telling your partner how much you appreciate them every day.

-Engage in acts of service helping your partner with chores they're responsible for (while you might not realise this, it really does take a weight off your partner)

-Find a way to have fun together like game night or hiking; anything that you can do together that is engaging (and I'm not talking about watching TV together)

-Show validation by acknowledging each other's feelings, ideas, input. Phrases such as "That makes sense" or "I understand how you might feel that way" can all go a long way.

Please keep in mind that this method is in no way, shape, or form, about keeping score of all the good deeds you've done or all the bad stuff your partner has done to store in your memory bank and bring up anytime there is a dispute. This is simply a concept to keep in the back of your mind to help you steer through the rocky roads that come with any relationship you may have.

By incorporating more positive interactions daily, I'm sure you'll see a world of difference in your relationships.