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The Real Reason He Selected Her Instead of You: Why He Selected Her

You may be wondering why he selected her over you if he recently dumped you for someone else. Here are some strategies for moving past it.

By berry liPublished 2 years ago 6 min read

One of the worst emotions in the world is when you're left wondering why he picked someone over you. It's not just you. There have been many ladies there.

It not only hurts immediately, but after contemplating the truth for a bit, you realize that it is worse than a typical rejection or split. It makes you doubt your own judgment. You hold yourself against the other female.

It also creates a gap between you and a less feministic female, which makes you feel terrible at the same time.

Wondering why he chose her over you can take over your mind. It can stop you from moving on, living your life, and bringing self-doubt into future relationships. With that, it is obvious you want an answer to why he chose her over you.

Why does it hurt so much to be dropped?

Let's examine why it hurts so deeply before we discuss why he chose her over you. This pain from a breakup is not typical. It raises a ton more questions.

You still worry about what he thinks because you cared about him and may have even loved him.

You want the people you care about to feel the same way. Your emotions do not automatically disappear because his did. It appears that you weren't good enough if he chose someone else over you. You feel as though you failed not only him but also yourself.

Being left for another woman sucks so much because women have been pitted against each other in society for years. We are conditioned to be mad or upset at the other girl rather than the guy.

We swallow up the feelings, whether rage, sadness, or pain, about him and focus on the other woman. Because we can’t be upset with him, we still care about him which makes it all hurt so much more.

Think about The Bachelor. The girls are constantly fighting each other instead of questioning the lead about his behavior or choices which would make a whole lot more sense. Instead of comparing yourself to the girl that is your opposite, that he clearly has a connection with, asking him what he really wants would make more sense.

However, it is in our inclination to hold ourselves responsible for a broken relationship.

We may now compare ourselves to the lady he chose quite literally thanks to the way social media functions. You can see what her ex looked like by looking at her images. You can also check out how she seems in a bathing suit or how outgoing she was when she was a teen.

You can laugh at her or be scared of her. Your insecurities are fed by all of this, which makes you feel worse about yourself. Can you picture it? He selected her over you, causing all this suffering and self-doubt?

Why he chose her over you

We would love to tell you that answering this question is as simple as asking him, but most guys aren’t considerate enough to grace us with an answer. Not that his answer would really mean much.

If you could ask your ex why he chose her over you, what do you think he would say? Would he say she is hotter? Would he say she is easier to deal with or that she is more fun?

Or would he say you came up too short? Would he say the worst thing you’re thinking about yourself? Probably, almost certainly, no.

To be honest, most guys don’t even see the things we second-guess about ourselves. We can assure you he didn’t pick her over you because your nose has a dent or your boobs aren’t the same size. It wasn’t because you aren’t tan enough or thin enough or curvy enough.

How to move past why he chose her instead of you

It's unlikely that this response was very helpful. Yes, it is annoying to not have a simple, direct response to a question like this. In all seriousness, a lot of people have visited.

The good news is that you will recover just as they do. It won't be a quick process of healing. It's hard to accept that the guy you're in love with chose someone else over you.

Here are some strategies for moving past him and on.

1. Examine oneself

You need to spend a lot of time introspecting and separating yourself from your feelings for him. Ask yourself why you believe he is so fantastic.

Genuinely look at both his and your behavior in the relationship. Then, look at the situation with a fresh set of eyes and a new perspective. The relationship might not have been as good as you think it was.

2. Don’t take it personally

As we stated above, it’s not about you. She is not “better” than you. People break up all the time and then go on to someone new. So, this is nothing that most people don’t go through on a daily basis. You aren’t the only one who’s been “rejected.”

3. Remember his bad qualities

This might sound a little strange, but when you are missing your ex, the reason you are is that you are remembering all the good things about him.

But guess what? He must have had some bad qualities too. The first bad quality is that he dumped you, right? So, instead of focusing on the good things, focus on what you didn’t like about him.

4. Focus on your good qualities

On the flip side, focus on what you love about yourself. You are probably pretty, kind, funny, selfless, and the list goes on.

Don’t keep looking for the things you think he didn’t like about you. If he was so blind as to not notice how awesome you are, then it’s his loss!

5. Get healthy

Whether you’re already skinny or if you have a few pounds to lose, it always helps to get healthy after a breakup. Start eating better or lose some weight if you want to.

Go to the gym and put your health first. And after a while, you will look in the mirror and see how much he is missing out on.

6. Go out with friends

Good friends will stick with us during good times and bad times. After all, that’s what they’re for, right? So, stay busy and go out with friends. Do lunch, go to the movies, go dancing, and just try to stay as distracted with your friends as you possibly can.

7. Pamper yourself

You deserve to be taken care of. It’s not easy going through a breakup, so you should take some much-needed me-time.

Get a massage, try a new hairstyle, and do anything that will make you feel calm and happy again.

8. Don’t overindulge

You might want to sit on your couch with a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of wine, and your favorite Netflix show.

But if you overindulge in anything, you might think twice about doing it again. Overindulging in alcohol, food, or anything else won’t help you get over it. It just masks the pain temporarily.

9. Go no contact

Sure, you want to talk to him. You want answers about why he chose her over you. But keeping in contact with him will only make you feel worse, even if you think it will make you feel better. So, just go no contact regardless of how difficult it is.

10. Put away the reminders

When you’re in a relationship, we tend to put pictures out in our homes and on our phones. You might even wear his favorite t-shirt to bed.

But put those things away. Having them around you will only remind you that he’s not there too.

I hope you'll quit wondering why he picked her over you. Ask yourself what you will now pick over him instead.


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