The Law Of Attraction

According to Concha, everything about your current life—from your home and partner to your career—is a consequence of your own thoughts. "If you pay close attention, you will see the correlation between your thoughts and what you have in your reality. This is also known as manifesting," she explains. "Everything you experience is attracted to you because the LOA is responding to the thoughts that you offered at some point."

The claim is simple: When you focus on a particular thing or person, you create a vibrational pull that attracts it or them toward you. "It means being conscious of my thoughts, instead of reacting to them. Whether you’re remembering a past event, observing something in your present, or imagining something in your future, the thought that you are focusing on in the present moment has activated a vibration within you and the LOA is responding to it now," she explains.

What Does It Mean to Be Assertive in a Relationship?

To be assertive in a relationship is to take responsibility for naming your needs, desires, and boundaries directly, says Gray. You recognize that both you and your partner are responsible for your own behavior.

Oftentimes, people assume that others close to them know what they are thinking, feeling, needing, and wanting. And, in fact, it's a setup for disappointment, because people are not mind-readers," Walfish says. This behavior stems from childhood, notes Gray, when our wants and needs were met by our parents without us having to communicate them. To be assertive means to be open and honest about our wants and needs with our partners and not expect them to just know what we're feeling.

Similarly, if you're interested in someone, being assertive could simply translate to asking that person out. "Let's say there's a guy and a girl, and they're hanging out with a group of friends. The girl is attracted to the guy, and she can't tell if he's nice to her just to be polite or if he's interested and maybe shy. I don't think there's anything wrong with her saying something like, 'I got tickets to the Lakers game. Would you like to join me?' and seeing where it goes," says Walfish.

She recognizes that this type of communication is intimidating whether you're a millennial, a baby boomer, or a member of the silent generation. "The price we pay is the potential for hurt and rejection if those needs and wants and wishes are not mutual," she continues.


RELATIONSHIPS LOVE & DATING

We all want a healthy relationship, but that's not always easy to achieve. One difficult yet paramount step in improving the well-being of your partnership is learning how to stand up for yourself and what you want. Whether you're only just dipping your toe into the first few weeks of attraction or you've had a serious partner for a number of years, being assertive (or not) can make or break your relationship.

"It's up to us to communicate our wants, wishes, and needs," says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., a Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. According to Walfish, being assertive starts with ongoing communication—and not just with your partner. In order to master communication, we should regularly check in with ourselves to see how we feel. Once we've figured that out, we can voice our feelings to our partner to determine if we're on the same page.


What Does It Mean to Be Assertive in a Relationship?

To be assertive in a relationship is to take responsibility for naming your needs, desires, and boundaries directly, says Gray. You recognize that both you and your partner are responsible for your own behavior.

"Oftentimes, people assume that others close to them know what they are thinking, feeling, needing, and wanting. And, in fact, it's a setup for disappointment, because people are not mind-readers," Walfish says. This behavior stems from childhood, notes Gray, when our wants and needs were met by our parents without us having to communicate them. To be assertive means to be open and honest about our wants and needs with our partners and not expect them to just know what we're feeling.

Similarly, if you're interested in someone, being assertive could simply translate to asking that person out. "Let's say there's a guy and a girl, and they're hanging out with a group of friends. The girl is attracted to the guy, and she can't tell if he's nice to her just to be polite or if he's interested and maybe shy. I don't think there's anything wrong with her saying something like, 'I got tickets to the Lakers game. Would you like to join me?' and seeing where it goes," says Walfish.

She recognizes that this type of communication is intimidating whether you're a millennial, a baby boomer, or a member of the silent generation. "The price we pay is the potential for hurt and rejection if those needs and wants and wishes are not mutual," she continues.

Assertive vs. Confident

"Assertiveness and confidence overlap, but they are not the same thing," says Gray. "It's safe to say that many confident people are assertive, but that does not mean that all assertive people are also confident," he continues. But stepping forward and claiming your desires can lend itself to greater self-assurance. Even if you're not feeling very confident, acting confident can go a long way.

Confidence doesn't necessarily mean being overly direct, though, says Walfish. There has to be an element of finesse to your approach. "It's very important to keep in mind that it would be a big turn-off if you come on too strong," she notes.

MEET THE EXPERT Fran Walfish, Psy.D., is a leading Beverly Hills-based child, couple, and family psychotherapist. She is the author of the acclaimed book "The Self-Aware Parent."Jordan Gray is the author of six bestselling books on relationships, a public speaker, and a sex and relationship coach with more than 10 years of experience. "Instead of leading with assertiveness, a large number of couples default to a passive or passive-aggressive style of communication, where each partner tries to influence the other to meet their needs without them having to explicitly name their needs," says relationship expert Jordan Gray. "But to be in a healthy, functional adult relationship, it's imperative that both people learn to assertively state their needs and desires clearly." Ahead, read all you need to know about how to be more assertive in your relationship—and what assertiveness really means.