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The Girl Behind The smile

by Amy McGuffey about a year ago in humanity
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The problems and emotions she never let you see

The Girl Behind The smile
Photo by Ángel López on Unsplash

Josey was a spirited, beautiful, smart, and talented girl who had a lot going for herself, she had a bright future ahead of herself and she had big dreams and plans for her life after high school and college, she was always so happy and always had a big smile on her face it was as though she never had a difficult day. If there was ever anything that was bothering her or that she was struggling with no one would ever know because she always had a smile on her face and acted like she was so carefree, she was such a delight to be around and an all-around great person to know. She had a huge heart that she wore on her sleeve and lots of love to give, then just out of nowhere her friends began to see a change in Josey, even though she still always had a huge smile on her face and went around acting as if nothing were ever wrong those who were closest to her could tell that something just was not right with Josey, they could see it in her eyes from time to time and if her eyes did not say it sometime her facial expressions would. Josey would get this look on her face kind of like a look of worry or distress of some sort almost like she was staring off into another dimension or something, her eyes would be blank like the lights were on but no one was home, her face would be blank if that makes any sense and she would be non-responsive for a good minute or two maybe three and her breathing would drastically slow down, but then she would just snap out of her trance like state and she would claim to not have any recollection of what just happened, her smile and cheery attitude would come right back and she would be right back to the same ole Josey she had always been. Her friends were in total shock and disbelief to the whole situation, they would stand there all confused and trying to make sense of all of this. After all this was something brand new, they had never seen Josey like that before, they did not know what to do or if they should even try to do anything for that matter. And to make matters worse anytime anyone would try to talk to Josey about what was going on or try to question her about its Josey would just laugh at them and dismiss it like they were crazy or did not know what they were talking about. This new behavior from Josey had all her closest friends confused and wondering what to do or say next because none of them wanted to rock the boat giving Josey any reason to go off into another one of her trances. Finally, about 1 week after Josey's friends noticed this strange behavior from her all her friends decided to call a meeting to discuss what it was, they could do to try and figure out what was happening to their friend and what they could do to help her but none of them could produce anything since none of them knew for sure what was really going on with Josey because Josey never did say what was going on. In fact, she always would laugh and dismiss what she had done as nothing ever happened. So finally, her friends just decided to back off Josey for a bit and just watch and observe her for a few days or longer just to see if things would change with Josey. So, for three days they sat back and just watched her every move and not once did Josey have one of those episodes. So, they all decided it really was not as bad as they were making things out to be and they decided to just trust what Josey had been telling them, that there was nothing going on, they backed off and put it out of their minds and began to move on from this whole ordeal. Then maybe a few days later around lunch time Josey and her friends were enjoying an early lunch together before having to go their separate ways to their different classes and they were all engaged in their normal type of conversation when just out of the clear blue sky one of Josey's friends happened to look up at her and noticed Josey had went into this trance like state again. So now it was official in their minds that something just was not right and there really was something going on with Josey and as usual Josey snapped out of her catatonic like state and was again back too normal. So once again they questioned her about it but only this time, they told Josey that they were not going anywhere, and she was not either until she told them the truth about all this what was going on with her. Just then Josey broke down in a raging fit of tears and that is when the flood gates broke open and Josey began to tell everything, amidst all the crying Josey began to talk about her deep depression and her feelings of anxiety and how even in a room full of people she still felt as though she was all alone, she talked about her fear of abandonment and how she felt like if she did not keep up her usual happy appearance then people most likely would not like her and think differently of her so she kept it all inside and refused to let her true feelings show, Josey then talked about how she had been feeling like this for an extremely long time years to be exact, then Josey went on to say where all of this was stemming from. See when Josey was born she lost her mom at birth, Josey's mother died while giving birth to her due to an unexpected complication she had during birth that caused her mother to have a stroke in the middle of delivering Josey and that forced the doctors into doing an emergency c-section to try and save Josey in time, but unfortunately with all efforts the doctors took to save Josey they were not able to save her mom, a tough call to make yes but it had to be done so Josey was taken and raised by her two wonderful and loving grandparents which were Josey's mom's parents but aside from all the love, care, attention and devotion that Josey's grandparents gave her raising her as if she were their child Josey could not help but to feel like a huge part of her was missing and honestly it was her mom was not there to celebrate any of her major milestones in life like her first word, first step, first day of school, first crush, first boyfriend, prom, date, kiss etc. All the firsts that a girl would want her mom there for her mom was not there for so pretty much all her life Josey never really felt like she really belonged in this life and all too often Josey wished it were her that would have died that day and not her mom. Sure, Josey's grandparents never kept her mother's spirit from her, and they showered Josey with all sorts of pictures of her mother when her mother was a little girl and on up to when she was Josey's age and right up to when she went into the hospital to have Josey. They would speak of Josey's mom all the time telling Josey that if her mom was alive today to see the girl she had become how proud her mother would be of Josey, telling Josey that even though her mother is not physically here she is somewhere up in heaven watching Josey and smiling down on her and guiding her from heaven, they never once let Josey forget who her mother was and the type of woman her mother used to be, her grandparents tried their hardest to keep Josey's mother's spirit alive in Josey but somehow Josey still felt alone. This alone every so often would send Josey into a spiraling whirlwind of deep and dark depression and anxiety and for that reason Josey felt like she was not like all the other girls her age, she felt like she was different than all the other girls, she would see girls from her school out and about with their moms and all Josey could think was that she wished she had her mom too, but Josey did not realize that she had something that none of these other girls had, Josey had two loving and nurturing and amazing grandparents that loved her and cherished her and raised her as if she were their own, she had a mom and dad too only hers was in the form of her grandparents and that was awfully special. Without delay you could see it in Josey's face that this had hit her like a ton of bricks and suddenly she felt horrible all over again but this time she felt horrible for discrediting her grandparents like that but at the same time she felt so much better now that her friends pointed that out to her and explained that to her. You could see it in her eyes and face that it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, suddenly the old Josey started coming back and Josey was beginning to be that bright, happy, spirited girl she had always been again. But this also brought about a change in Josey to a change for the greater good. Josey began going to church on Sunday's and reading her bible and praying every morning in night, Josey wanted more than anything to be close to her mother once again and wanted to go to heaven once it was her time to go so just jumped into religion with both feet and decided to put all her faith into a power higher than herself. This brought out a girl in Josey that her friends had never seen before but to tell the truth they were liking this change in her, and they were not afraid to say so either. Along with this new change it had sparked the plans and dreams she once had for her future again and suddenly Josey was back to planning her bright future again, back to working towards her goals, getting the good grades, and studying a lot and such. Josey began to take things a lot less seriously and began to enjoy life more, she started to not take things for granted and took things more as a blessing and she began to treat her friends and grandparents with more love and devotion and started seeing what she had as a blessing and not as something that was owed to her. Josey finally had a fresh new take on life and started to really appreciate what she had more. Josey really started to blossom into a wonderful person after her friends gave her this new revelation. It was like Josey had been reborn and given a whole new aspect on the life she had been given. Josey was a brand-new girl and she acted as such. Now Josey really loved life and she dove head on into this new change and she really confronted a problem head-on and gave it everything she had to become a happier and better person from then on and that she did. It is truly a miracle to have friends so dear to you that they take the time and effort to stick by you when you are at your lowest point in life, you can always count on them to help you rise above and become someone greater. Thank goodness for the trivial things and the blessing that are given to us in our darkest hours, without them where would we really be? It is hard to imagine a life or living in a world where we had no one to care about or for us when we needed them to. It just goes to show that thankfulness and gratitude are two great traits to possess.

humanity

About the author

Amy McGuffey

I have a healthy imagination, a eventful reality, and a very creative mind, I'm here to put it to good use and share my stories with the world, I hope you enjoy my content. Some is real and some is not either way enjoy.

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