The Best Lessons I Learned from Dating

You’d think that by the time you’re older and more experienced, there is less to learn about dating.

But even dating coaches are bound to make mistakes every now and then because dating is an ongoing learning experience for everyone.

If I were to come up with the best lessons I learned from all my dating experiences, it would be the following. Just know that what applies to me may not apply to everyone else, and vice versa.

We find out what it is we want.

Ever been in a situation where you thought you really liked someone because they fit your criteria of a good romantic partner? Or someone you idolized because they represented a line of work that you were deeply passionate about? Or someone you just clicked with?

Most of the time, we don’t know what it is we want. We might know surface-level things like, I like guys with brown eyes, or I like girls with short hair. But because dating is a process where you create a connection with someone and get to know them, you discover some of their other features and determine whether or not they’re a good fit for your life.

We can fantasize about dating someone like Tom Hardy or Dakota Johnson, but unless we truly get to know them - something we can achieve through dating - we won’t really know if we actually do want to date them.

Being in a relationship is not a priority.

Some people are lucky enough to know that they’re not ready for a relationship before getting into one.

The good thing is, people are now celebrating being single these days. Some are pursuing their careers, while others are merely enjoying the perks that come with being single (like not having to worry about Valentine’s Day or date nights or any other relationship obligations).

So what if I’m 32 and single? Sure, I want to have kids someday. Of course, I’d love to wake up next to a loving husband sometime in the future. But right now, I’m taking every opportunity to get to know myself more and enjoy the things I love doing.

Letting go isn’t always a bad thing.

Heartbreak is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can ever go through. It’s safe to say that it’s something we all dread.

This mostly happens when we can’t change or accept something about a person, and we’re forced to let go.

As much as we want to take control of some things, we just can’t. And even if we could, it's unethical and ingenuine. The hardest part of dealing with pain is learning to let go.

Once we do, however, we become thankful for the experience because it’s something that only we can teach ourselves.

Our principles change over time.

The beauty of dating is that it’s more than just building connections. It’s also the opportunity to get to know people and make discoveries about love and life in general.

Aside from the lessons we learn and the experiences we go through, dating allows us to develop a better understanding of how relationships work, how people differ in terms of giving and receiving love, how tricky it can get to win someone over, and so on.

Depending on what we learn and whether we choose to apply it and how we apply it, we’re bound to change the way we think and act. As a result, the values we used to uphold might prove to be inessential in the present time or future.

I’d like to say there are a lot more valuable lessons I learned throughout my dating experiences, but these are the ones that stand out to me the most.

I figured, dating can take so much time and cost so much money, energy, and brainpower, I might as well take a look at what I can get out of it. And I know for a fact that these lessons will prove to be useful even as I grow older and maybe as I get better at dating.

Lastly, here’s some friendly advice: Don’t just look at dating as an obligation in your search for true love, or whatever it is you like to call it. Take it as an opportunity to discover something new, not just about the person, but also about yourself.