The 4 Things You Should Know

The non-monogamy community has been growing rapidly over the last few years to the point that it's almost become a trend to at least give it a chance (a trend I'm totally in support of when done with the best of intentions). However, there are a few things a person should know before stepping their toes into it:

1. Non-monogamy is an umbrella term with many different forms of practices beneath it: polyamory, swinging, and basically anything that falls outside of the strict monogamy category of having one partner and one partner only. It is up to each individual to decide what works best for them though. Someone cannot tell you what type of partnership you'll embody well or which types you might not pair so nicely with. Exploration and allowing yourself to being open to new opportunities can help. It is important to know that it is okay to try something and decide that that specific thing isn't meant for you even while it simultaneously might be meant for others. And it's good to understand that you may also even fit into more than one place in the community and so long as you're always self-aware and communicating, flowing between them is valid.

2. Monogamy isn't automatically toxic and non-monogamy isn't automatically ethical. Choosing one or the other doesn't determine a person's ability at being right or wrong or acting innocent or guilty. Today's culture surrounding monogamy is mostly toxic, yes, but each person has the chance at saying no to the poor parts of it and only focusing in on the rest. Same with those who are non-monogamous. You still need to be self-aware (like mentioned previously) and always be actively choosing ethical partnership behaviors (behaviors every single partnership should strive for no matter the amount of partners involved).

3. Unicorn hunting is predatory. Even if someone is a self-identified unicorn, the hunting aspect can be worrisome and lead to a lot of terrible things. For those unfamiliar, the term "unicorn" typically describes a bisexual woman meant to play the role of a third partner in an already established relationship (unicorns aren't *only* bisexual cis women, but more often than not are). They're usually fetishized and seen more as an object (a sexual or romantic plaything), than an actual living, breathing human being. Whenever you are considering adding another partner in, you must realize that they will, and should, come with their own set of boundaries and needs. And always remember... Partnerships don't date. People do. If you're interested in forming a triad, let it happen organically. Never force it.

4. Non-monogamy is not for everybody - and that's okay! Whether you decide to give it a try and realize it's just not for you, there's no shame in that. And no truly self-respecting person in the non-monogamy community would make you believe otherwise. What's most beautiful about the non-monogamy world becoming so mainstream these days is that it is causing people to look at partnerships from a new angle instead of the same old ways we have always viewed them.

You may end up noticing that people will still (for quite awhile) question the idea of romantic love being limitless and how they will probably always be timid when it comes to anything they're unfamiliar with. That's why it's so important to talk and be open about these areas of life - the areas that get pushed down too often due to stigmas or misconceptions. I can only imagine how beautiful and how healthy future partnerships will be 25... 50... 100 years from today!

Big energy love,

Asia, The Colorful Writer