So You Want to Date an INFJ Woman?

I’ve been reading various articles over the years that try to tackle the subject of dating an INFJ woman. I can say in full honesty that it sounds like most of these writers have never actually dated one of us.

A lot of what is said sounds more like objective fact rather than fact based on lived experience.

Being an INFJ woman, I want to talk about 4 must-know's for what it's like to date us.

Must Know #1: We linger in thinking about you, though not always in a romantic way.

INFJs are undoubtedly overthinkers. Combine our natural tendency to overthink with being a woman in love, and what you have is something that could be a potential recipe for neurotic disaster.

More assertive types are going to overthink about you in a circular way, where although their thoughts move in phases they come back to a natural place of oneness.

More turbulent types are more so going to think about you in loops. Their mind will keep repeating the small nuances they’ve noticed, making up stories based on their intuitions which aren’t always positive, and often aren’t true.

Still, we do this because we love being with you. Because we spend so much of our lives in thought, if we weren’t giving you any space in our heads then we wouldn’t be in love with you.

Must Know #2: We will psychoanalyze you, may fictionalize you, may philosophize about you, and may place you in a mythological context.

So, you may have wondered, what on earth is it that an INFJ woman’s mind gets into?

All of the topics that we are most naturally interested in are the topics that we are going to house you in. We will find out your MBTI type and potentially read up on every blog post we can find to learn more information about you.

This helps us to know what it is that you want and what we can avoid doing.

Our imaginations also completely take us over when it comes to love, and this motivates us to feel you deeply. We will connect the dots between our current romance with you and what we’ve already read in literature, philosophy, and myth.

Our complex inner world may seem frightening or intimidating to many, though through being here we actually find more meaning in our relationship with you. It makes us feel grounded, secure and, well, it’s our way to continue lingering even when we’re not together.

Must know #3: Your presence is a present.

Our most pivotal love language is quality time. I don’t think it can be understated – simply having you around is enough most of the time.

You can guarantee that all of the time you spend with your INFJ girlfriend will be quality time. We make a consistent effort to show up only as our best selves for you.

Especially when we are alone with you (as even when we are around others they will crave this intimacy), we completely lose our sense of time and space. We don’t feel distracted because all of our attention, even if we’re too quiet to seem like it at first, is on you.

Giving us material items yet never being present with us or making the time for us will break our heart. Not being mindful with the words you use around us, perhaps speaking or acting differently than usual, will set us over the edge when we are alone.

We pay attention to you. We know you for who you are at your best, and we will notice if your behaviour is different or if you are taking the easy way out.

We deal with people not being present enough throughout our lives, and it is our biggest pet peeve. So when you do give us your full presence, you can expect to feel equally at one with the moment with us as we do.

Must know #4: Don’t expect us to accentuate, play the femme fatale or dark feminine role.

These darker roles either take us lifetimes to warm up to when we know that we have found the one, or we don’t warm up at all.

When we were younger, us INFJs may have found ourselves in rebellious, chameleonic relationships where we did play these darker feminine roles.

We found it to be fake, shallow, and heartbreaking, so we grew out of it. Either this was the case, or we never tried it at all.

Our way of showing love is through showing our natural selves. We understand men are visual creatures, however we would rather focus on keeping our inner world rich rather than our external world so that we can offer a lover something more meaningful.

We will always be clean and beautiful, though the last thing on our minds is to spend hours overdoing it on the makeup and revealing clothing front. It feels inauthentic to us most of the time because we care about being felt on a soul level more than we care about being physically appreciated.