Shut Your Mouth

We're back on Vocal with more amazing stories. This week I read a poem by the great Paul Stewart; see below. (Look at me learning how to embed a link.)

This poem sparked a ton of conversation, so I had to ensure I put in my two cents.

Do you live with regret? Could there be some things you could have said better? Yes, for me to both. I would have liked to do a few things differently, and if given a chance, I absolutely would. Now, the point of discussion was wondering if one should care about the feelings of those around them. While I understand arguments for remaining unbothered by others' emotions and opinions, I am not wired that way.

Intentions matter in the grand scheme of things; however, perception will always win. A person's perception is their reality. I read in Stephan Hawking's book ("The Grand Design") that because of this concept and perception, it was illegal to put goldfish in a rounded bowl in Ancient Italy because the bowl obscured the goldfish's reality. This is a roundabout way of saying perception is essential. Perception is whatever a person says it is. Does this mean the person can't be open-minded and see things differently? With honest communication, yes, we can have an opportunity to present our side of things and see that people are open-minded and want that connection with our ideas.

When I write, I convey messages and hopefully spark some thoughts in someone's head, mainly without a filter. Now, in my everyday life, I'm much more careful. That said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Let me present my therapy bill and how none of the therapy is about the sticks and stones. Words have the power to hurt to inspire. All of us on Vocal know that better than anyone. This community has so inspired me, and it's all words. (Speaking of inspiring, has anyone heard from Judey, I sure miss her.)

I have been made fun of for most of my life for being too much, too emotional, too weird, and too happy. I stuck out against my peers for these feelings and emotions; I was a pariah at home. Therefore, many therapy sessions later, did I come to realize my power as a person. As my husband told me, when I asked him why he loves me (this is always a trick question, gentlemen. When we ask, we are looking for something very nice to be said), my husband said, "You're the strongest person I know, you feel your feelings every day and manage to go through the day. You get things done and manage yourself." If you knew my husband, you know he is a very no-emotions kind of guy. He's had to work on how to feel his emotions. I am fine in that department; however, managing them has proven to be a full-time job.

There you have it, and his perception was that I am strong, while I thought it was a personal liability to be that emotional. My intentions are good, and I try to put good into the universe, and I hope to receive good back. That's not exactly how it goes, but it has worked for me. I try to think of the golden rule, "Do to others as you would want to be done to yourself." I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but I know I will because of my inability to think before I talk. At that time, I will happily apologize and endeavor to do better. Even better, when my feelings are hurt, I communicate that because people are not mind readers.

The fine line of caring for others' feelings is this, you can care, but don't let it get in your way. When I write something controversial, I write an author's note explaining myself. Therefore people might get the right idea. They may still get the wrong idea, but I at least explained it myself, and they are responsible for their feelings. And I still published what I wanted! I try to look at the things that rile me up as mirrors; what is this teaching me about myself?

I prefer sticks and stones, but words will have to do. I will leave you with this parting thought; humans are our connections. We should be aware of each other's feelings without it hindering us. I hope that if you have regrets, you did learn, and if you don't, you aren't living too safely. Life is the longest thing we will do, but we only get to do it once. Make it count while here on Vocal; never shut your mouth.